I have a couple of confessions to make. The first one is that La Señora and I are in a ménage à chienne. Right about now I can hear a few of y’all going, “huuu-UH.” I do not think I would be amiss in believing that most folks pass the age of puberty are familiar with the phrase ménage à trios. It is a French term for a household of three that we have co-opted and modified to be a synonym for a threesome. Now hearken back to your high school French, in that language the word for dog is chien or in the case of a female dog, chienne. Putting it all together we have… ménage à chienne.
In our case it involves La Señora, me and the Wee Dog, aka Princess Lily. Perhaps I should explain further. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a dog knows that they are creatures of routine. One of Princess Lily’s morning routines is to jump in our bed between La Señora and I, demanding from me loving in the form of petting. It is not uncommon for her to wake me up to get her needs met. Being the obedient dog “owner” that I am, I start petting, rubbing and scratching her all the while cooing sweet nothings — assuring her that she is the best Lily in the whole house and other such flattery. Now mind you, I am the one doing the work, but it is during all of this petting and cooing that the Wee Dog begins licking La Señora vigorously and extensively everywhere exposed skin is to be found. La Señora will at times also begin stroking our varmint killing lap dog. Lily will continue to provide canine kisses to the less energetic of the threesome as I carry on with my caresses. This activity will sometimes go on for 5 or more minutes until Princess Lily is well satiated or she notices someone or another dog on the street from our second story bedroom window. Talk about your love and leave ‘em types…
My other confession is that La Señora and I are into Diclofenac parties – Voltaren fiestas if you prefer. First La Señora will take a liberal amount of this nectar and rub it strenuously onto my favorite spots. After a few minutes of this we will reverse roles and I will dutifully apply generous amounts to those areas on her known only to me and anatomists. The relief and release has to be felt to be genuinely appreciated. You must be a person of a “certain” age to truly appreciate the joy that these impromptu affairs bring us.
And now you know.