Tag: Señora

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5782.227

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Today Señora was going to meet a friend for lunch. Normally when I see Señora around the hacienda she has on her I-have-five-loads-of-laundry-to-do-and-10-rows-of-corn-to-hoe outfit. When she came down to our little gym area to say goodbye to me she had put on a nice dress, fixed her hair and put on some makeup.

“You be sure to tell Roberts I am more than a  jealous of her, you getting all duded up like that for her,” I declared.

Before I could completely finish my thought, Señora ejaculated, “Bullshit…I brush my tooth every day for you!”

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Open or Closed?

Señora and I are having an ongoing “debate”.  After visiting the bathroom for a “meditation session”, do you leave the bathroom door shut or do you open it?  My opinion is that you leave it shut to trap the “aromas” therein, allowing them dissipated in due time.   Señora repeatedly opines that it is better to leave the door open to allow the “aromas” to dissipated quicker.

We keep a candle in there, but the problem with those is that I forget I have lit it.   I suppose that is a minor fire hazard, but mainly they are burning up very quickly.

On a semi-related note, did you know that there are soaps that are solely for decoration, that they are not there for the washing of your hands?

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5782.202

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Just to put this in context, Señora and I are fast approaching our 9th wedding anniversary.

So… I am sitting on the porcelain throne in the downstairs bathroom this morning reading a few pages from Rabbi Joseph Telushkin‘s delightful book, Words That Hurt, Words that Heal.

Interrupting my meditations and reading, there is a banging on the bathroom door followed by,  “Are you in there?”

In reply I said, “Of course I am, it is 0932 and I have had two cups of coffee.”

Señora goes on, “Do you want to get married again?”

To which I answered, “Will I have more privacy in the morning if we do?”

Apparently that was not the correct response.

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I Taught Señora a New Cuss Word

I taught Señora a new four-letter word.  Well I might have had she been home.  All couples have their origin stories; our tale involves a lot of off-color words.

What got me scandalizing the neighbors Saturday was that one of the rear drive wheels of my new Toro lawnmower came off.  This mower is so new that just yesterday my check to pay off the credit card I charged it on cleared. I had ordered it online from Home Depot as they did not have it in stock at the Chesterfield store.  When I unboxed the mower I was glad to see Continue reading “I Taught Señora a New Cuss Word”

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Clint Eastwood Saves the Day

Today I was doing some honey-dos in the guest bedroom.  While I was busy in there I decided I wanted to watch the final round of this week’s PGA golf tournament. Thing is we have not had a house guest since before the pandemic lock down so it has been that long since that TV had been used.  First I had to load our current streaming service onto this TV, then I discovered the Roku menu was not working.  I diagnosed the problem quickly – for me – as the batteries being dead in the remote controller.  Opening the back of the device I discovered I needed two AA batteries.  Problem was we had used up the last of the package a while back.

Remembering the oft repeated line Continue reading “Clint Eastwood Saves the Day”

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Pobrecita

Robin would not let me take a picture, but she looks like the victim of spousal abuse!  The reality is that is not my style, and I am not near brave enough to do such a horrible thing.  I am  convinced she would make Lorena Bobbitt look like an angel.

We had her son’s dog, Osho for a  few days.  Osho is absolutely convinced that my conjunction-function in life is to take him on walks.  Of course, if I take him I cannot leave The Wee Dog behind.  All of which is fine, but two dogs on leashes can be a bit of a chore.  They are generally pretty good walking together, but occasionally they will each discover odors needing investigation that are in opposite directions.  I end up feeling like the proverbial wishbone.

Normally, Osho wants to go around dark-thirty, just after we feed him.  Monday was a nice day so I thought I would do it earlier, as it was warm and sunny.  I asked Robin if she would like to tag along, both for her company and so we could split the two dogs between us.

All was fine until we started to enter the garage.  Robin saw what was left of a decorative gourd in the garden she could not leave, so she handed me Lily’s leash.  I took it, and was promptly entangled with both dogs.  I managed to get Lily unwrapped who decided she had to head for the door leading from the garage to the kitchen immediately.   Unfortunately, Robin was headed  towards the trash can just beside that door in the garage.  Before I could act or say anything, Robin tripped over Lily’s leash.  I am not sure I ever saw anyone fall quite so fast – despite what Galileo espoused.  She had no time to put her hands in front, partly because she was carrying the gourd.  She landed directly on her nose, skinning her knees.  All I could think of was her two back surgeries.  She was obviously very shook up.  Just to be on the safe side we went to urgent care.  She  was basically fine, but she has been very sore for a couple days.   I was fully expecting a raccoon mask that is so common when the nose receives such a blow.  Her nose is bruised and her left eye looks like mine after one of my karate matches (back in the day).

We are both thankful that is was not worse.

And so it goes.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #9,163

yeah I know you did not ask!

Señora and I were together in my pick-em-up truck this chilly morning, running errands. I’m not sure how it got started, but we got into a playful contest trying to out “smart-ass” each other.  After a few minutes of this Señora threw her hands in the air  towards the headliner of my vehicle mirthfully conceding, “you win, you are king of smart-asses.”

All of which got me to wondering, does that make me the better smart-ass or the worse smart-ass?

Inquiring minds want to know, and me too.

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Camp Wild, Camp Covid

Robin has a very good friend, Viki, who is an artist.  An example of her art would be an older van that she bought, and then decorated the entire vehicle with her amazing art. To see the van coming down the street is a real show stopper, it definitely grabs your attention.  Viki and her husband Tom live in a very nice house, the yard of which falls sharply away to a small stream.  Generally the stream has a very low level of water and flow, but certain times of the year it can get out of its bank.  For this reason they have left a big swath of their property behind the fenced portion of their yard au naturale. Well sort of… Tom keeps the undergrowth Continue reading “Camp Wild, Camp Covid”

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Exhibit A

For about as long as I have know Señora she has been telling me her sh** does not stink.  My response has always been, “Really!?!”

Now there are just 3 souls in the house and one of those is The Wee Dog, the others are myself and Señora.  I walked into the downstairs bathroom the other day to do what one normally does in such places.  I discovered what I am calling Exhibit A.

Exhibit A

I was certain 110% that I had not done this, and that The Wee Dog could not get this high or aim that well, so by deduction, that left the culprit as Señora.  I can only conclude that her sh** really does not stink!