She asked, “Who can be a curmudgeon?”

The other day Robin asked me, “What is a curmudgeon?” She knows the dictionary definition of curmudgeon: a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man. She was asking me, the mastermind of the website Curmudgeon-Alley.com, because she thought a young lady of our mutual acquaintance could qualify as a curmudgeon.

I tend to think of myself as a bit (some folks would say more) of a curmudgeon. I did have one commenter on my website take me to task for pinning this appellation on myself. They felt that it was a title that should be conferred. Perhaps they were thinking that there should be some sort of ceremony. A character reminisce of Walther Matthau could “knight” the aspirant by tapping both shoulders alternately with a gnarled, well-seasoned cane resembling a shaking index finger. I, however, think that if you are truly a curmudgeon you know you are a curmudgeon, and you should revel in your curmudgeonly nature.

It has been proven in multiple studies that the happiest folks are those that go through life wearing rose colored glasses. That is they are not in truth seeing reality. They tend to take the most innocuous reason for another person’s action. For them the glass is always half full, tomorrow will be a better day, Junior did not break the window, and the Cubbies will eventually win another World Series.

My personal definition of a curmudgeon aligns with the definition put forward by Jon Winokur in The Portable Curmudgeon. (You can read his definition on my “About “page.) My belief is that none of us see reality as it truly is. We perceive everything through our own experiences and biases, our own mental abilities and emotional limitations. If that were not true, then any two of us could look at the same event, the same set of facts, experience the same thing, and come up with matching conclusions. A curmudgeon, no matter how hard he tries, cannot get those damn old rose colored glasses to stay on their face. Perhaps, a curmudgeon sees reality just a tad clearer than most folks, and having seen what they saw cannot un-see it. A curmudgeon cannot put on the blinders that sometimes make it easier to go through life. A curmudgeon has a harder time playing the mind games necessary to maintain an attitude that it is, indeed, a wonderful life after all.

Once you are in that that position the question becomes how do you handle it. What do you do with yourself? How do you protect yourself? Our instinct dictates survival. One way to do this is to seal yourself off.   Another way is to point out the inconsistencies and absurdities most folks ignore in some vague hope that it will make a difference…knowing all the time that it will not. That of course has the benefit or drawback of pushing folks away. Like any other human, a nascent curmudgeon values human interactions.   Since by design or by accident they are pushing folks away, this results in the perception as their being “crusty”. I like this term as a wound has a crust that protects body from further injury. At some level a curmudgeon is simply overwhelmed by the insanity and the randomness of life and they must protect their selves.

This all becomes a brutal feedback loop. Eventually a metamorphosis must take place, and a curmudgeon emerges from its cocoon. Since I am waxing poetic, or more likely silly, perhaps we should regard our curmudgeons as the canaries in our mines. They are the moths telling us that not all the lights we see are to be trusted.   Curmudgeons should be treated as treasured natural resources. They are attempting to keep the rest of society on the straight and narrow. They are hoping to steer folks away from the bug zappers of life. What a truly valuable service they are providing.

So Robin, my answer to your question is yes. A young lady can be as much a curmudgeon as an old man. To be a curmudgeon it is a state of mind. This state of mind cares little for such trivialities as gender, age, race, or other constructs meant to compartmentalize humans. I might even go so far as to say this young lady is an old soul since she has found her curmudgeonry so early in her existence on this wildly out of control orb we call home. More power to her.