My Tombstone

Most of my posts of late have been rants about the monstrous malAdministration currently at the center of US politics. That wears after a while, even on me. So I thought I would try something a little lighter, perhaps a little contemplative, what I want on my tombstone.  There is a long history of humorous grave markers, so why not mine.

Truth is that it is a moot point, as my wish it to be cremated.  As a teenager my favorite novel was  Robert A. Heinlein‘s, Stranger in a Strange Land. The protagonist of the novel, Mike, was raised on Mars by Martians. Mars, being a planet of scarce resources, the Martians did not waste anything, including the dead. Towards the end of the novel, after Mike had been killed – sacrificed or crucified, if you will – and torn apart by an angry mob, his followers made a stew of the remains of his body.

I suggested to my kids that they could scatter my ashes on a garden where they were growing lettuce, tomatoes and other salad vegetables. Then, as they ate the ensuing salad, they could riff on one the most famous lines from the novel. After asking for the salt to put on the stew, one of Mike’s followers said, “Mike, always did need a little seasoning.” They could just substitute in David.  Neither one of them bit on the suggestion.

I used to want to have my ashes spread at a certain point on the Sylamore Creek Trail in Arkansas. However, it has become so popular that my slumber would be disturbed.  Perhaps the confluence of the Missouri and Mississippi Rivers, the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Perhaps around the cemetery at Checotah, where so many of my relatives and family are buried… not really sure right now. Of course, the dumpster behind the crematorium might work as well as any of those places.

So now to it, possible lines for my tombstone:

1. 1. Sorry!
   2. Better luck next time?
   3. I thought it was a trial run
   4. Good riddance
   5. Your time is coming
   6. Karma is a bitch
   7. Burn, Baby, Burn
   8. Where is my asbestos suit?
   9. Are those harps?
   10. Go ahead and dance
   11. What a strange journey
   12. Saving you a seat
   13. WTF!
   14. Finally – Your wish came true
   15. Light, I never saw no stinking light
   16. Did not know my reservation was so soon
   17. Next time I will pay for first class
   18. Skip the virgins, 72 sluts please
   19. Could I try again?
   20. I never did learn to dance the light fandango

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