Dogs and Cats – A Deep Philosophical Question  

Heaven forbid I should ever be single again.  I sincerely hope with all my being that Señora outlives me, if for no other reason than she is much more enchanted with this existence than I am.  If she did not, I am not sure I would put myself back out there in the dating pool, especially at my decrepit age.  The thought reminds me of something my mother once said after my father had passed away.  Someone asked her if she was going to remarry.

“Oh no,” she replied, “it is one thing to grow old with a man; it would be quite another thing to marry an old man.”

I Learned About Red Flags

I once broke up with a very beautiful woman and judging from our time together, a very sweet lady.  At he beginning of our relationship she told me her goal was to find a husband.  I was not looking to remarry, and told her so. But I also told her, let’s see where this goes. She had this pattern of saying this or that was a red flag, frequently when I was just being my slightly off kilter self.  While I am totally aware that not infrequently that part of me puts folks off, it is hard not to be me.   At some point we mutually agreed that it was not working out.  I told her if she wanted to find a spouse she needed to be looking for the positives in a relationship rather than every little negative.  She had divorced young, and remains single to this day, apparently just too many red flags out there.

My Red Flags

I bring that up because now I would have a few red flags.  Two of them would be: a Republican and a smoker, those two because I fell into a long term relationship with another sweet lady who was both.  I never thought much about them at the start as I was simply out for some grins and giggles, but it developed into something more.  At the time the Republican part was really not an issue as she was one of the most apolitical persons I have ever known.  She was Republican because her family had always been Republicans.  However, with how the Republican Party has morphed, anyone who now self-identifies as a Republican would be a red flag hard pass.

The smoking got to be a real issue between us.  She smoked…a lot, and had no interest in quitting. She had other health issues that she was not taking care of. I finally decided I did not want to watch her kill herself which is what she more or less did.  She died of a heart attack in her mid 50s.  So smoking would be another red flag hard pass.

Finally – The Deep Philosophical Question

What started this rambling train wreck of musings was the weather yesterday.  It was one of the nicer days we have had for quite some time.  With the good weather there seemed to be an inordinate number of women out walking dogs, and the majority of those big dogs.  Of course, Golden Pool Noodles are very fashionable right now, and, at least in our neighborhood, it seems like every other house has a version of this designer canine.

My philosophical question is this: Can you judge a potential female partner by the type of pet they have, or by the fact that they do not have a pet?

Pet or No Pet

The no pet is a bit tricky as there can be any number of reasons a person might not have a pet.  Until I remarried I did not have one, and now only because Señora ignored me and brought one home. Admittedly, I am a bit infatuated with The Wee Dog despite my initial grumblings.  However, during the almost two decades between my two bouts of matrimonial fever, I did not have a pet.  It did not think it fair with my life style as I would have left it alone for long periods of time.  There could be health reasons why someone does not have a pet, any number of legitimate reasons.  But anyone who did not have one because they did not like critters, might be a bit of a red flag.

Types of Pets

While there are any number of animals kept as pets, dog and cats are the most common.  A frequent question is, are you a dog person or a cat person.  In my musings I see a strong divide between these two types of women.   Which one would be the better partner of the two? What are the personality traits of a dog person versus a cat person? Then there is the whole compatibility issue, can a pet person be with a non-pet person?  Can a dog person be with a cat person? And then there are the multi-personality types that like and have both cats and dogs. Don’t forget crazy cat ladies, there are almost always grains of truth in any stereotype. I can see all sort of potential red flags waving on the pet horizon.

Going Off Road A Bit

Totally off the point, but all this reminds me of one my favorite jokes:

It has been said that women are like cats.  When they want attention you had better give it to them, and when they do not, you, for sure, had better leave them alone.

Men, on the other hand, well men are just dogs.

And maybe not totally off the point, I recall my ex in one of her more generous moods explaining to me why the dog was better than me.  She pointed out that the dog would greet her at the door, her tail wagging, and a big doggie grin on her face. I, on the other hand, would barely look up from the television. Well… when things go south, they go south. I was at least semi-smart enough to take away a few lessons from my first episode of matrimonial fever.  While I can’t get my tail to wag, I at least look up from the TV.

Cats

I am not a cat person.  While I have had them in the past, I have never developed much affection for one like I have for a few canines.  I just see cats as annoying, not trainable animals that need some level of care and cost me money I would rather spend elsewhere. Rereading the previous sentences, it is apparent cats remind me a bit of children, except the lack of affection part.

Dogs – A Woman’s Best Friend

They say a dog is man’s best friend. That may well be true, but from my experience it would be more accurate to say a dog is a woman’s best friend. Women seem to be dog crazy to a degree that I have never seen in a man. Perhaps it goes back to that whole greeting them at the door with their tail wagging. Of course, if you controlled my food and bathroom time I might be greeting you at the door wagging my little derriere for all its worth.

Types of Dogs

Then there is the whole thing of big dogs which is what I commonly see around here.  I read once that while women want love in a relationship what they want more than that is security.  Life is tough and can be scary; a big, strong dog keeping the creeps away mitigates that to some degree.  So is my take away from that is that this type of woman is looking for a big, strong man for security more than anything else? Where does that leave a sensitive type like me?  Yes, I am trying hard to keep a straight face.

What about lapdogs?  Frequently they are treated like little girls treat their Barbie dolls.  Princess Lily gets more baths in a month than I have given dogs in all my put-togethers. Señora has even been known to dress up the poor, bedeviled creature.  It strikes me that lapdogs are often depositories for affection.  Is that my take away for this, that a lapdog woman is going to need a lot of cuddling and cooing and other attentions? Is all this pampering displaced mothering?  Would she be trying to give me baths and dress me up too?

I could go on.  What about women with designer dogs?  What about women with dogs noted for their loyalty? What about women with rescue dogs? What about those who train dogs to be volunteer affection givers in hospitals, nursing homes, etc.? What about women with big furry dogs like labs? What about women into ugly dogs? Or those into pit bulls? So many parameters to consider. Which ones should be most worrisome? Which one are red flags?

Going Off Road Again

And then there was the woman we encountered at a park besides Lake Erie in New York. She was out walking her pet pig.  I saw pork chops with little red flags sticking in them, she obviously saw love and companionship.

Should pets and type of pets be a category on these ubiquitous dating apps? Who knows, it might already be.

I am thinking there is a doctoral thesis in here for someone working on a degree in psychology or philosophy.

And so it goes when the weather turns nice and the neighborhood turns out walking their pets.

---

Señora just helped me edit this article.  Her take away… I had too much free time this afternoon.  Would I like for her to find me something to do? Ruff, ruff…

If you dare – Subscribe to Curmudgeon Alley