Category: Rev. Joe Dirt’s Ramblings

The unsolicited, unreasoned, uninformed, unapologetic opinions of Rev. Joe Dirt

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Footwear?

Robin just cracked me up so bad my stomach started cramping.

When we were in Mexico my flip flops broke so I started wearing a pair of hers.  They are a little more colorful than I would normally wear, but hey I won’t see these people again.

What happened next I am blaming on my new footwear.  I am getting a sushi roll, and while I am waiting for the young lady to make it, the gentleman behind me in line starts up a conversation.  As I am leaving I swear he winks at me.  Since I thought it a little funny, I told Robin about it.

On New Year’s Eve there is a big celebration at the resort.  I see the gentleman again and I know for sure that he winks at me this time.  Again I tell Robin.

We are going through Robin’s pictures this morning.  At the resort they had set up a dance floor on the beach and Robin had taken a picture of the people dancing.  Right there in the foreground was my friend.  I point him out to Robin.  Her comment, “Why he is cute!”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 278

yeah I know you did not ask!

I’m at the dentist getting my teeth clean.  The young female hygienist needs to move a piece of apparatus  that is on a pivot from my left side to my right side.  As she is doing so the vertical bar holding the tray bumps into my feet.  She tells me, “I need a couple more inches.”

My internal dialogue responded, “You’re not the first female to tell me that.”

All which reminds me of my most frequent golf joke.  When a putt or chip comes up a little short I have a tendency to say, “Just like my ex-wife used to tell me all the time, ‘another couple inches and that would have been pretty good.'”

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Effingham Trump

A few years ago Robin and I were on a road trip.  We passed through Effingham, Illinois.  Robin , who is apparently an escapee from an Improv troupe, fell head over heels in love with the word Effingham.  Suddenly everything was Effingham.  “What  do you  Effingham think you are doing?”  “That is no Effingham way to act.”  “I am Effingham exhausted!”  You get the Effingham picture.

Recently we have started a new improv act, The Trump substitution game.  Anywhere you would use an expletive deleted, we are using Trump.  “You piece of Trump.”  What the Trump do you think you are doing.”  “You Trumping bastard.”  (You Trumping Trump??)   You get the Trumping picture.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 6,499

yeah I know you did not ask!

My Jewish wife made a comment that had me trying to explain to her the concept of heaven as is preached in some fundamentalist Christian churches.  Heaven is this wonderful place where the streets are paved in gold, where everyone lives in mansions, where the lame walk, the deaf hear…  Where everyone is wonderfully happy and healthy.

This got me to wondering, if you had erectile dysfunction in life, is your organ now a rock hard ram of steel in this version of heaven? Asking for a friend.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 341

yeah I know you did not ask!

So I am walking out my building after a long, exhausting day of twiddling bits and bytes.  There is a young lady from another office walking out in front of me.  I say to myself, “There is something odd about that young woman?”  Then it dawned on me what it was.  She had a waist, a very petite waist.  Definitely not something you see too much of these days.

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I’ve finally crossed the divide

We’re in historic St. Charles, MO.  It is Christmas time and I am with a group that is caroling through the business district of this landmark town of Lewis and Clark fame.  I’m doing everyone a favor by not singing, but I am taking pictures.   There are many individuals dressed as various characters.  There is a frontiersman, there is the town crier, there is a Santa Claus whose North Pole outfit is based on the American flag, and many more.

We encounter the most adorable young lady dressed as the Sugar Plum Fairy.  She was so full of energy and quips that it was amazing.  She saw me taking her picture, rotated 180 degrees and commanded me to take a picture of her other good side!  So I did.  She looked at me and remarked, “I really like your milk mustache, of course it is a chocolate milk mustache…”  Well it is not totally white yet, but I am working on it.

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WTF – Trump – May God have mercy on our souls

“A man can smile and smile and be a villain. Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain.” ~~ from Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”  ~~ Albert Einstein

I was a military brat, and I was raised Southern Baptist.  As such, to a small extent, my foundation was God and Country.  Having always been around military bases growing up and seen more than a few military ceremonies of one ilk or another, it was not uncommon for me to get goose bumps when I heard The Star Spangled Banner or God Bless America.

Twenty five years or so ago I made the “mistake” of rereading the whole Bible.  When, as an adult, you read the Bible closely it does not stand up.  So I started studying other religions which caused me to look at my own religion with the same critical eye.  I detailed this in a previous blog article, Rev. Joe Stumbles.  The long and the short of it, I lost one of my weak pillars, that of God.  My religious faith evaporated.  I became a born-again agnostic.

That still left a faith in Country.  This had become weakened over Continue reading “WTF – Trump – May God have mercy on our souls”