Category: Humor

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Soy un comediante

There are a couple skills that a person needs when they start a language learning journey, but that are not mentioned in the syllabus.  One is that you need to accept making lots of mistakes and the other is that you need to be able to laugh at yourself.  It took me a while to realize this. Self-deprecating humor is my forte, but it  is difficult accepting the making of errors, partly because I am a bit of a perfectionist, ask anyone who has programmed behind me, partly because I could not laugh at myself about those mistakes, partly because I hate feeling stupid in front of someone else, it is bad enough in front of yourself.  It is the last that has flattened my Spanish learning curve, but I am somewhat more accepting of my foibles now.

I read an article on language learning sometime ago, and one of their theories was that it took 10,000 Continue reading “Soy un comediante”

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True Confessions

I have a couple of confessions to make.  The first one is that La Señora and I are in a ménage à chienne.  Right about now I can hear a few of y’all going, “huuu-UH.” I do not think I would be amiss in believing that most folks pass the age of puberty are familiar with the phrase ménage à trios.  It is a French term for a household of three that we have co-opted and modified to be a synonym for a threesome.  Now hearken back to your high school French, in that language the word for dog is chien or in the case of a female dog, chienne. Putting it all together we have… Continue reading “True Confessions”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #1,801

yeah I know you did not ask!

I am here to tell you, that flapping your arms while standing on the bathroom scales does nothing to lower the maldito numbers displaying on the digital dial of aforementioned monstrosity.  Neither does exhaling your breath forcibly, standing on one leg, peeking at the readout from the corner of one eye…

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,845

yeah I know you did not ask!

After much gnashing of teeth, after much scrutinizing of checking  accounts, after accepting that she would not be 21 again, Señora bit the proverbial bullet and bought herself hearing aids.

This purchased has wrought an unexpected change in my life. In the past when we had a cross transaction I was wont to mutter some reply under my mustache, knowing that it was very unlikely that she would hear my utterance, thus avoiding fueling whatever fire was raging.  If she noticed my lips moving, and asked what I said, I would disingenuously reply, “That I love you.”  That is no longer an option. I know this to be true as I was in my man cave upstairs talking back to a balky computer when from the kitchen downstairs I heard her ask, “What did you say dear?”

Hopefully I am not too old a dog to learn a new trick, and can avoid being taken to the pound.

Let me see, how many cliches did I manage to get into three short paragraphs…

Keep well.

 

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Rev. Joe buys a blow-up doll

In any workplace with one or more persons, you are likely to encounter one or more “characters”.  My first job in Information Technology was with a large national manufacturing concern at their Ft. Smith, AR plant, at that time their administrative offices were also there. For reasons unclear, hopefully not dark and mysterious, there dwelt more than the normal allowance of characters at the plant and offices, perhaps a birds-of-a-feather phenomenon.

One such character was Jon, a computer operator who had worked  there for many years.   Jon did not achieve his character-hood for his activities at work, but for his personal life.  He had been married 7 or 8 times, no one was quite sure, Continue reading “Rev. Joe buys a blow-up doll”

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The Pandemic Blues

Language alert!

In an email to a friend I made a wisecrack about singing The Pandemic Blues.  He replied he had not heard that one, but someone had sent him a link to the Stay the F*** at Home!  He then asked for a link to the The Pandemic Blues.  I explained that I was being my usually contrarian sort and popping off. That there  was no such song that I knew of, but perhaps we could write one and perform it.  After all anyone can be on YouTube.

He sent me back the following verses and said now it was my  turn.  So I added the part in red.

The Pandemic Blues

The world has caught a virus
I’m to kindly ask
We need your help to cure it
so wear your fuckin’ mask!

I got an awful bad case
of them low down pandemic blues

If you want to visit family
it’s quite a simple task
just try to stay six feet apart
and wear your fuckin’ mask!

Lord, I’d have to get better, before I could die 
Those low down pandemic blues

If you want to lie down on the beach
to be in the sun and bask
it really not a problem
if you just wear your fuckin’ mask!

Lord, they’re killin’ me,
I mean them low down pandemic blues.

I’m going to make my apologies to Hank Williams.  Feel free to add verses in the comments. What is that old saw about too much group sourcing spoils the broth…

Now if we could just get Willie or Bocephus to sing it.

 

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Open Letter to My Children and Grandchildren

Dear children, grandchildren and other assorted beings younger than I:

I am requesting that you start addressing me, in person, and in your correspondence (text??) as “Dear Disposable One“.

It will do two things.

First it will ease the transitional phase of my absence from this world of woes to whatever supposed metaphysical state exists thereafter.

Secondly, it will show your support of Donald J. Trump and the GOP as they “restart” the economy.  I am sure the $1000.00 or so you spend on my cremation will be a big help, especially after a long and costly hospitalization paid for with your tax dollars.

Thanking you in advance for doing your part.

With much love,

The soon to be dearly departed.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 3,698

yeah I know you did not ask!

My wife who has been on a bit of a diet here lately came into the living room strutting the other night.

“I’m so proud,” she said.

“Oh,” said I.

“Yes,” she went on, “For the first time in my life I weigh what is on my driver’s license.”

“Well,” I congratulated her, ” The state of Missouri will be so proud!”

 

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You have already arrived

Robin and I are driving from St. Louis down to Fayetteville, Arkansas to see our granddaughter and incidentally, my son and his wife.  I do not quite remember what it was, but something occurred that started me grumbling.

Realizing what I was doing I remarked, “I’m turning into a grumpy old man.”

Without missing a beat by ignoring the rest marked on the score, Robin replied, “Turning? You have already arrived.”

To which I said, “Thanks… I love you too.”

Her question back to me was, “You did say dirty old man, right?”

Thinking she is trying to recover her faux pas, or perhaps she really did mishear, I clarified, “No I said grumpy old man.”

Again ignoring the rest marked on the score, she barbed, “Well that too.”