One of the big issues waging in the never ending culture wars is “bathroom” laws. This has been brought on by attempting to deal with transgender folks on a level that meets their needs. Transgender people would like use public restrooms that match what they perceive as their gender identity. Many states have passed laws attempting to force transgender people to use public restrooms that match the gender on their birth certificates.
First a confession, transgender people bother me a little bit. This is especially true if it is a male transgendering into a female. Although I did see Amy Schumer interviewing one such person on her show, Inside Amy Shumer, that to look at was a very hot female. I am also bothered by females transgendering, but not as much. I’m not entirely sure why, maybe for whatever the reasons are that lesbians do not make me as uncomfortable as gays. Although on the whole, I just accept homosexuality as a trait much like red or blonde hair. Life is tough; whatever gets you through the night works for me.
Having said all of the above, I also think and believe that it must be very uncomfortable to inhabit a body whose gender does not match how you perceive yourself. I am not aware of knowing any transgender folks so I am extemporizing. I assume that they struggle with self-acceptance as they struggle with acceptance from the larger society. In my utopian world view, everyone who can do so without harming others should be free to be who they are. Life is tough; whatever gets you through the day.
I have another confession to make. I absolutely hate public restrooms. If there was some way to avoid them completely I would do so. Obviously, that is not possible. I even hate public restrooms that are individual where you go in solo. Part of my distaste stems from the marginal sanitation of so many of these facilities. The rest arises from not wanting to participate in the sounds, smells and visuals of strangers performing bodily functions.
Whenever I hear about transgender-bathroom issues, I remember an occurrence that happened to me several years ago. We were traveling to Kentucky on Thanksgiving morning, and many businesses were closed. Having drunk my usual many, oversized cups of coffee I was desperate to relieve my bladder. We pulled off the interstate and stopped at the only open gas station combination convenience store. I went inside and there was a line for the bathroom. What was unusual about the queue was that it was a mix of genders. It turns out the men’s room was out of order. Since this was the only open business at the exit, the station and its restroom was very busy. I was vaguely apprehensive about using it in this situation.
After bouncing around from one foot to other while wondering if I should duck outside behind the building I finally made it inside the available restroom. Perhaps because it was the women’s restroom with only stalls it did not seem all that strange. People would enter, go into the stall and do their thing. I did, however, notice that an unusual high percentage of folks were washing their hands afterwards. It was just not that big a deal. It is just as gross to listen to a woman in the next stall as it is a man. Go figure.
At one level we are already sharing restrooms as many businesses now have facilities that are individual, but are for use by both sexes. Hopefully, the guys always lift the seat, and perhaps more important from the female perspective, they put it back down. Hopefully, there are not too many women hovering who have poor aim. I am under the impression that most folks when they use a public restroom just want to do their business and get in and out as quickly as possible.
A few times in my life I have been in the men’s room when a woman has entered and used one of the stalls. They just could not wait in the line for the ladies room. Of course, these have been at clubs so maybe alcohol played a role. Go figure.
We already do this gender sharing with small children. Women will often take their small sons into the ladies room. Occasionally, I have seen fathers bring in their small daughters into the men’s room. When this happens I will admit to feeling a little awkward if I am standing at the urinal.
I really do not know what the answer is as I can see both sides of the argument. I understand why women would be uncomfortable with a man who looks like a women in the stall next them. I can also appreciate how if you are a man who believes they are really female and presents themselves as such you would be uncomfortable being in a men’s room. I know that if they walked in I would do a double take.
Hopefully, we can stop screaming at each other and find a solution that makes everyone comfortable. I am always reminded of the comment by the wise American philosopher, Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”