Tag: Señora

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Wounded Old

If you know Señora or if you are one of the 3.141592 dedicated readers of my blog, you know that Señora has been  through two major back surgeries and still struggles with back problems.

I injured my back when I worked in a warehouse in my early 20s.  I have had to deal with back problems, previously more off than on, as the result of a prolapsed disc stemming from that injury.  As I have ceased to be young, this back problem has become more on than off.  It has gotten to the point that I had to give up walking the golf course.  Even with a push or pull cart my back will not let get through a round of golf, walking.  Even with a riding cart, it is hard for me to play two days in a row. Gawd forbid, there comes a day when I have to give up golf completely.

Princess Lily, aka Tater Tot, aka Fuzzy Butt, aka The Wee Dog, is a quarter dachshund.  This breed is famous for their back issues.  The Wee Dog, who is 10, is no exception, and she is on medicine, again off and on, to control her pain from this.

We are a household of back problems.

I bring this up because the other night when I had to get up in the middle of the night (if you are old enough you will understand), I did what I always have to do when first getting out of bed.  I stood there a minute to let my back do what feels like to me, stabilize. All this prompted Señora to say, as I then hobbled my way to the johnny, “we are a household of the Wounded Old.”

And so it is going.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5783.108

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora recently acquired a new phone. Right now the phone is a bit annoying as it has a notification sound  that, for all the world, to me, sounds like “ruh roh”. Clearly I spent far too much time watching Scooby Doo with my kidrens when… well,  when they were kidrens way back in the last century.  This “ruh roh” sound is probably on multiple applications,  However, messing around with her phone ranks right up there with getting into her purse. It is something I avoid doing as I consider both very personal items. That, and  gawd only knows what I might find.

The other night it was late, the lights were out, and Señora and I were being, shall I say, more than a little feisty. A little while into our canoodling, an application on her phone started in with notifications.  “Ruh roh” it kept saying, over and over. At first it was barely impinging on my semi-crazed  hormonal state (fully crazed fled years ago), but after eight or ten times, it became hard to ignore.

As it continued with the “ruh rohs” I began to feel like her phone was judging us.  Was it bothered by feisty seniors?  Her phone might be a super Christian for all I know.  The Apostle Paul and St. Augustine espoused sexual congregation only, only  in marriage, and even then solely for the purpose of procreation.  It would, indeed, be a miracle – and a disaster – if Señora and I were to procreate.  Perhaps the phone was pulling a 1984 and Big Brother was being judgmental about what we were doing.   I basically felt like there was a hypercritical third party in our matrimonial bed adjudicating our nocturnal activities. The hormonal part of me wanted to grab the device and fling it into silence, but then I remembered what we had paid for it.

Funny time of life when logic and caution prevail over hormones – ruh roh.

And so it goes.

Which reminds me of a joke from my biochemistry class (again last century):

How do you make a hormone?

Don’t pay her!

Now days the college chemistry professor would probably be in deep water for telling such an un-woke joke.  Oh well…

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5783.107

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora has a habit of lying in bed in the mornings, drinking her coffee, and working puzzles from the New York Times on her phone.  She was doing so this morning as I was buzzing around getting ready for my Spanish class on Skype.

Suddenly she jumped out of our matrimonial love nest, loudly exclaiming, “I am running late. I have an appointment for a massage in just a few minutes.”

I unwisely replied, “You have a habit of that.  It just drives me nuts to be running late.”

Señora responded to my injudicious comment with, “I’m going to get there on time, and you are altogether nuts anyway.”

When will I ever learn? In the ongoing drama of our matrimonial repartee, I always end up as the bottom.

And so it goes.

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Bay Leaves

Okay this is a little off my usual subject matter… or not.  Sometimes I feel like I am all over the place.  What do they call that, I have eclectic interest.

Are bay leaves a scam and a vast conspiracy? Increasing number of chefs say they do NOTHING to food – experts reveal truth behind tasteless green leaves

This particular article caught my attention because of something I said to Señora two or three months ago. I was cooking dinner, I forget Continue reading “Bay Leaves”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,563

yeah I know you did not ask!

I am of mixed emotions.  There are rumors on the Internet – seemingly from Trump, principally – that Señor Trump is going to be indicted and arrested very soon.

Part of me would very much like to have a poster of his mug shot. The larger part of me cannot stand the thought of having to stare at his ugly mug, and thus does not want such a poster in my abode.  From the git-go, if Señor Trump was on television or radio, it has been channel or station changing time. My stomach could not stand watching or listening to this horrible waste of protoplasm. In a rational society, this man would be in an insane asylum… or, more properly, in prison.

What to do, what to do…

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After 3 Years – Medicare Success

It only took the freak’n government – well, Medicare – three, count ém… 1… 2… 3… years to find the ‘i’ that they lost.  Perhaps if it had been a capital ‘I’ they could have done it in two years.

For reasons completely unknown to either one of us, Señora’s last name became misspelled in the Medicare system when she became Medicare eligible.  Somehow it went from Weinhaus to Wenhaus.  It was correct in the Social Security’s system, but wrong in Medicare.

No biggie, right? Wrong.  This has caused claims from doctors, hospitals, laboratories, etc. to be Continue reading “After 3 Years – Medicare Success”

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Types of Vanilla Ice Cream

Señora had a dental procedure that left her less than 100% and made food choices a little problematic.  The obvious solution was ICE CREAM, plus it always nice to receive a treat after such things.  Being the wonderful, dutiful helpmate of a spouse that I am, off to the supermarket I went. Well, Wally World as I had to pick a few things that were not to be found at Schnucks.

Looking in the frozen food case at this epitome of the Continue reading “Types of Vanilla Ice Cream”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,415

yeah I know you did not ask!

As you are cruising around your day, have you ever looked at person and thought, “This person has completely given up… on themselves, on life, en todo?” But then again, you never really know what journey someone has been on.

While, on occasion, I have felt that way for brief periods throughout my life, I have generally snapped out of it.  Most of my adult life I have exercised in one fashion or another.  Especially the last  two maybe two and half decades I have Continue reading “Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,415”

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5783.071

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora was not feeling well today, and since she was upstairs napping, I was the one to get the mail.  In that bundle of mostly spam, was a bill or two, and the monthly AARP magazine.

Since I was avoiding going to the basement to exercise, I read a couple articles in the magazine and worked the crossword puzzle. It seems AARP wants us seniors to feel good about ourselves as the crossword puzzle is seldom challenging. However, that is another topic.

I left the magazine open on the kitchen counter to an article titled on the cover as Sex in Your 70s, Yes Yes, Oh Yes, It Can Still Be Great.  Actually the Oh before the last Yes was my own addition.   In the body of the magazine the article was titled Start Your Own Sexual Revolution. After that, I ceased my procrastination and descended into the depths of our basement to work on keeping this magnificent body, well.. magnificent. Sometimes it takes a little work to hear that last “Ohhh… YES!”

When I came up from the exercise dungeon, I found Señora had been downstairs.  The AARP magazine was now open to an article about four old ladies lusting after Tom Brady.  Yes, Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Sally Field and Rita Moreno starring.

Seems to me there is a not so subtle message in there somewhere… if AARP would just make those crossword puzzles a little harder perhaps I would have the mental acuity to figure it out.

And so it goes.

 

 

I once heard the noted sexologist, well Bubba down at Smitty’s Bar and Grill, claim there are only four major types of orgasms.  The Negative Orgasm – “No, No, OHHHH NOOO!”. The Positive Orgasm – “Yes, Yes, OHHHH YESSS!”. The Religous Orgasm – “GOD, Oh GOD, Oh…. god….”.  And my personal favorite – “Oh David, Oh David, Ohhhh, DAVID!”

How Bubba knew about my personal favorite, I have yet to find out.