Tag: golf

Posted on

I Had Not Heard That One Before           

I golf most often across the mighty Mississippi River at a golf club in Illinois that has two 18 holes courses.  It is cheaper than the courses close to the house here in Missouri, and generally easier to get a tee-time.  The owner, however, tends to manage the courses in a very redneck manner.

Just from the nature of the work, most of the employees working in the club houses and cart barns are part-time.  The employees tend to be in two camps. Some are Continue reading “I Had Not Heard That One Before           “

Posted on

I Am Officially Old – Part II

I went golfing last Friday evening fairly late in the day. When I was done with my round I drove the golf cart up to my 18 year old mid-life crisis vehicle, Li’ Blu, to unload my clubs and other golfing paraphernalia. When I was I done I hopped in the cart and drove around the club house to the collection area for golf carts.

As I approached the drop off zone, another cart was approaching, being driven by a young man of around 6 years of age – hard to tell these days as they all look so young.  He was short enough that he was standing with his backside supported by the cart seat.  It was the only way he could reach the pedals.

Always the wisenheimer, I asked for his driving license and proof of insurance.  The kid said something which I do not remember, but his father, who was trailing the cart, said he was older than he looked.

It was at that point that the licenseless  muchacho remarked, “I am 39 years old.”

Why 39? A bit of an odd number, but maybe someone he knew recently had this birthday.

Still the wisenheimer, I responded, “Well if you are 39, I must be 150.”

He then jumped out of the cart and ran back to his mother waiting by their car saying, “That man is 150 years old.”

Obviously my well honed sense of irony (sarcasm?) was lost on this innocent.

It was at this point that the mother waved at me with a big grin on her face, laughing.

Obviously, I am officially old.

I wonder what I will look like when I reach 200.

Just as an aside, up until 4 or so years ago, I always walked the course carrying my bag.  My back will not let me do that anymore.  I even tried push carts and pull carts, but they hurt my back in a different way.  Oh well, a fun gig this getting old is.

Subscribe to Curmudgeon Alley

Posted on

Cow Pasture Golf

I started golfing in my early 30s.  I will leave it to the you, esteemed reader, to calculate how long ago that was.   In retrospect one of the primary reasons I began this maldito sport was to have a mutual activity to do with my father.  Never a dear or cherished relationship it was improving ever so slightly in this period.

If you know anything about golf you know two very important things. First, it can be and frequently is very addicting.  Secondly, it is Continue reading “Cow Pasture Golf”

Posted on

Almost an Ace?

Yesterday turned out nicer than they had prognosticated, still a little chilly, definitely a little windy, but no rain.  I decided at the last minute that I would take advantage of the day and play some golf.  Not being nice enough for Lil Blu, I threw my golf clubs into my pick-em-up truck and headed off to the course.  I ended up playing by myself which was okay. I don’t always enjoy my own company, but most of time I find it reasonably acceptable which is more than most folks find my society.

Being early in the golfing season, having done a fair amount of yard work Tuesday, I was a little rusty and more than a little stiff.  I struggled a bit on the front side, but my game started to come around towards the end of that nine.  I arrived at the twelfth hole  after going bogey, bogey, par, par on the last four holes.  That is good for me.  The twelfth hole is Continue reading “Almost an Ace?”

Posted on

The Year I Almost Went to The Masters

When I moved back to Oklahoma from Rhode Island I went to work for Coburn Optical.  Their main line of business is the manufacturing of the machines that other companies use to modify lenses to mount in eye glasses.  They also have a division that takes orders to modify and mount lenses.  I was young, still working on my education, and my work experience had been in restaurants, factories and warehouses.  I was a warehouseman there.  I worked there from 1973 to 1976, leaving to move to Oklahoma City to pursue my educational goals.

My father had left his position with Kaman Aerospace and moved back to Muskogee, OK where my mother had been living for a while.  Looking around for a job he found one with Coburn and started there shortly after I left.  He moved up rapidly and after a while was managing the division that prepared lenses for other companies.  Part of his responsibilities involved making Continue reading “The Year I Almost Went to The Masters”

Posted on

Speechless after that…

I went to the golf course the other day and picked up a game with a twosome on the first tee, two gentlemen around my age. We rocked along for 16 or so holes playing golf and occasionally, occasionally conversing.  Somehow the conversation turned to social media.

I remarked that I was not on any of it currently, and that I had gotten off of Facebook years ago after discovering that I did not  like many of my relatives. At least a big part of that was that many of my relatives had huge problems with my liberal politics and agnostic stance on religion, and I with their conservative politics and evangelic religion.

After hearing my comment about not liking my relatives, one of the gentleman remarked, “I don’t like anyone.”

Well…I did not know quite know what to say after that.  I’m not sure I have ever heard misanthrope so openly avowed.

Posted on

One or the other…

I spent this past weekend in Memphis to play a little golf with a friend there.  I drove down Friday evening and we played Saturday and Sunday.  I hooked up with my golfing buddy Saturday morning at his house.  Because we were going to take his vehicle to the golf course I was rummaging around in my truck, getting out golf clubs, shoes, etc.  This is when I discovered my bicycle helmet in the backseat, triggering an idea for a little fun.

Before I went into his house I put the helmet on my pointy little head.  I then walked around inside his house  for a good 3 or 4 minutes without my buddy, his wife, their son or a visiting aunt saying a word, asking me why I had on the bicycle helmet.  I was waiting for the question, “Why are you wearing that helmet?” I was going to answer, “Because I have been golfing with Steve before!”  – Ba-dum-tssss –  I finally asked, “Is anyone wondering why I have on the bicycle helmet?”  Apparently they were not, perhaps they were practicing good manners by ignoring a faux pas by a guest.   I gave them my punch line anyway… tough crowd, at least they did not pelt me with rotten tomatoes.

Either I need to get a new set of comedy writers or dive deeply, searching my twisted, troubled, tortured, tragic, traumatized, tail-spinning ghost of a soul on how the world perceives it and me… or both.

And so it goes.

Posted on

Word of the Day – Parvenu

  • Noun: Parvenu

    1. a person who has suddenly risen to a higher economic status but has not gained social acceptance of others in that class
  • Synonyms:
    1.  upstart
    2. nouveau riche
  • Usage:
    1. “’I brought the old guys so that my drives look that much longer,’ Watson joked. But we prodded. No, really, what’s the deal? Nothing against these guys, but most tour pros are surrounded by agents, managers, instructors, equipment reps, siblings, former college teammates and general parvenus. (Some pros have enough lackeys to field a softball team.)”
  • Encountered:
    1. While reading an Internet article: What would a tour pro shoot at your course? Bubba Watson helps us find out

To see more Words of the Day, visit this link: Words of the Day

Posted on

Need some golf balls?

These are mostly brands that  I do not play… lots of Top Flite, Pinnacle, Maxfli,  etc.  I’m trying to get rid of them for 4 for a $1 on Next Door.  I might try Craigslist next, but a listing there always seems to bring out the crazies. Between my golf balls and the ceramic flowers that Robin continually makes, the basement is getting, shall we say, crowded.  We are selling flowers, too!

I have literally not bought golf balls this century. I have about as many of the premium brands I like to play, Titleist, Callaway, Nike, the better Bridgestones, etc. The premium brands go for $48 a dozen new.  Even cheap Top Flites are around $1 a piece brand new.

The forbearing Señora Weinhaus thinks Continue reading “Need some golf balls?”

Posted on

The Pandemic Blues – Take II

I had a disturbing round of golf Friday.  Oh not about my golf game, I describe myself as a Dr. Hyde / Mr. Jekyll golfer.  I never know who is coming out, and sometimes I see both these sides in a single round of golf.  I figured out last millennium that I was never going to play golf professionally, or even at a stellar amateur level.  I am good with that.  I still enjoy the game.  My discomfort on this round of golf centered around attitudes about corona virus.

Let me describe where I golf most frequently.  It is across the Rio Mississippi in the small town of Columbia, IL. This is southern Illinois and it is hoosier land.  If your breed is more southern, substitute redneck for hoosier.  It is the same concept, different words. I go to this particular golf course as the rates are more reasonable than in Missouri, it is usually easy to get a tee time and the course is generally in good shape.  The greens always are.  While not the cow pasture golf Continue reading “The Pandemic Blues – Take II”