Smack Down at Our Lady of Salvation Bingo Emporium

Karol was a tall, somewhat overweight Jewish woman with a pouty lower lip. She had been attractive in her younger days, but age had definitely come to visit.

She was married, but as far as day to day living she was essentially single. Her lifelong spouse had Alzheimer’s disease and he had been in a nursing home for many years. He did not know Karol, or anyone else for that matter. Nevertheless, Karol would visit him regularly, almost daily. It was a large part of her social life. Not her husband per se, but the staff and other “guests” at the nursing home. It was a very nice home, and given what she was paying, she probably felt entitled in some way.

In this particular chapter of her life one of her other cherished social activities was bingo. She would go down to the local Catholic church to play. She played bingo faithfully, sometimes twice a week.

On one fateful Tuesday she entered the bingo hall and spied an empty seat. She sat down, and began to organize her game cards and markers. If you are going to play several cards at once in the fast paced world of senior bingo, you had better have a system. Undoubtedly, Karol did.

Betty was in the seat next to Karol. She was a diminutive, white haired great grandmother. She had an outsized sense of right and wrong, of justice, of the American way. If Karol had any street smarts perhaps she would have sensed this, and thought hard about before setting off the ensuing chain of events.

Betty announced firmly that the seat was reserved. She went on to explain that there was a handicap person that would soon be arriving and needed that particular spot.

Karol ignored her and continued to arrange her playing materials. Bingo is after all serious business.

Betty was persistent in her requests to get Karol to move. Karol was just as persistent in her obstinacy of not moving. The irresistible force had met the immoveable object. It was to evolve into a conflict of Homeric proportions.

Not to overstate the obvious, but it is a well known fact that senior citizens and bingo are a combustible combination. Without someone to keep order, who knows what mayhem and depravity might ensue. In this particular vortex of volatility it was a rent-a-cop whose name badge read Marvin.

After repeated requests to Karol to move, Betty pulled out her trump card, Marvin. Marvin lumbered over and told Karol in no uncertain terms that she needed to move and now was the time. Karol had switched to hyper-obstinacy drive sometime ago. Marvin’s mutterings was merely stars whizzing by.

Karol’s response was that the seats were not reserved and she had as much right to this as any other soul.

Marvin commanded her several more times to move, then he played his trump card. He proclaimed that he was going to call the real police, which he did.

Just imagine the sense of urgency that Saint Louis’ finest must have felt when the call in about a disturbance at the Our Lady of Salvation Bingo Emporium. There was surely a discussion of activating the SWAT team. In the end they sent a well seasoned pair of patrolmen there. They drove with sirens off so as to not alarm the general population or the marker toting grandmothers.

They arrived and Marvin, our rent-a-cop, apprised them of the situation. There sat Karol, our unmovable object still arranging her bingo paraphernalia. There was Betty, our irresistible force, glaring at Karol. And, of course, Marvin, waving around his Ace of Spades, two slight bored County Sheriffs. There was a room full of senior citizens. They had come for a little diversion, but had stumbled into Greek drama. If they had been 70 years younger they would have all been madly texting, “OMG, U cannot believe what is happening?!?!” or holding cell phones high to grab some video for YouTube.

The two deputy sheriffs approached Karol. It is not entirely clear what happened next. Did they physically try to eject her from her perch? Did she physically resist? But words were exchanged. Karol may have pushed one of the policemen. Any street savvy kid will tell you “Don’t fight the man.” Karol’s lack of street smarts again had gotten her in trouble. She was handcuffed and marched out of this particular den of inequity. There are rumors that there was applause as she exited the building.

Karol did get her one call when she arrived at the St. Louis County jail. It was to her son Mike except his wife Jane answered the phone. Now everyone in St. Louis knows through osmosis that 314.000.0000 is the police. Seeing that number on caller ID, must have given Jane a knot in her stomach. She and Mike have 3 semi-grown children. A nightmare about one them began raging through her thoughts. It was with trembling hand that she picked up the telephone.

Karol was not known to imbibe spirits or frequent bars. She had been known on more than one occasion to frighten and frustrate retail clerks in the various department stores around town. However, a call from your mother-in-law to come bail her out of stir is the last thing a good Jewish daughter-in-law expects. Mike and Jane rushed down to the county slammer to rescue Karol.

In the holding area the same time as Karol was a young, black man named Rodney. His primary offence that resulted in a visit with Karol was lack of child support payment. Rodney found the situation of an elderly Jewish woman in the slammer for disturbing the peace in a bingo parlor more than a little amusing. He and Karol were soon bosom buddies; both were sharing the most intimate details of their lives.

Mike and Jane in the meantime had arrived at the county jail on their mission of mercy. Once there, they explained to the officers on duty who they were and why they were there. Both of them were more than a little flustered. It was at this point that the policeman lost their professionalism and began laughing at the situation openly. Oscar Wilde could not have scripted it any better. Despite the laughter, they were going to allow Karol to leave without posting bail.

Back in the holding area Mike and Jane found Karol chatting away with Rodney. She insisted on introducing her new friend to her family. Karol was glad to be sprung, but sadden to leave Rodney.

The next day Mike had to take Karol back to the Our Lady of Salvation Bingo Emporium to retrieve her Lincoln.

Sometime thereafter Karol went to court on the disturbing the peace complaint and the charges were dropped. Perhaps the judge gave her a firm lecture about the evils of frequenting bingo parlors, but that is only speculation.

She stayed away from the Our Lady of Salvation Bingo Emporium for quite some time. She did not want to run into Marvin again. Betty should have been of more concern. She did hear through the grapevine that Marvin had moved on to better and greater venues in the rent-a-cop world. She gathered up her gumption, and restarted her bingo career.