Masculine Hemline Index

There is a theory, The Hemline Index, that always seemed a little tongue-in-cheek to me, that women’s hemlines follow the stock market.  In good economic times the hemlines get shorter, in poor times they get longer.  Some proponents seem to think there is a reverse correlation between good economic times and women’s hemlines.

For a while now I have been wondering about the length of the inseam (aka hemline) of men’s shorts or what, back in my day, we called Bermuda shorts. Men’s shorts are omnipresent around St. Louis as there seems to a subset of macho men – all ages – who wear shorts practically year round.  What, snow on the ground? I reckon if you are always in a building or in your car, it is no big deal, but I always worry about having car issues in bad weather. Twenty degrees outside and I am trying to change a tire wearing a pair of shorts. No thanks. Of course, that shorts wearing macho man probably calls AAA to change his tire.

I pay some attention to inseam length as I am somewhat particular about the length of my golfing shorts.  I like them just above my knee.  I definitely do not like it when the length falls below the bend of my legs.  A few years back it was hard to find shorts that were not longer than I preferred. They all seemed to be of a length that was mimicking the new fangled basketball shorts. And yeah, I could have had them tailored, but that seemed a bit like overkill, even to me.  However, I always bought my business trousers unhemmed so as to have them tailored to my preference.  OCD is not always prutty, but my britches sure were!

Then for a while the vendors of shorts got back to a reasonable inseam.  However, this summer I have noticed a lot of the young bucks at the golf courses around the metro area are wearing shorts with a very short inseam.  Not quite Tom Selleck, Magnum, P.I. length, but very short.

I will have to confess to owning a couple pair of Magnum, P. I. shorts back in the 80s, and truthfully, since I jogged 15 or 20 miles a week back then I had the legs to pull them off. But, nobody, not even Tom Selleck, rocked the look of men’s short shorts. Well, maybe Napoleon Dynamite when he paired them with white tube socks.

My question is this.  If there is a masculine corollary to the Hemline Index theory, what is it saying about Bidenomics, or even just the economy in general?  Is the reason they have shorten is because we are doing better economically? If you are a good Republican MAGA how do you  feel about giving a thumbs up to Bidenomics by wearing these abbreviated shorts?  And all those years with shorts nearly at mid calf length? Questions, I have questions.

And to answer yours,  yes I will be sticking with my golfing shorts at just above the knee.

And so it goes.

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