Category: Matrimonial Log

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.089

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Sometimes I do good and I am not aware of it until after the fact.

I own three or four suits and probably more or less twice that number of sports coats. To be frank, I have never worn them a lot, and now that I am retired, I wear them even less.  I now mostly wear them when I go to funerals or weddings.  Which explains why I am frequently vaguely surprised when I put one these clothing items on, reach into the coat pocket, and discover tissues, or more likely, a travel packet of tissues there.  Not being much of a crier myself, I keep them in my coat pocket for Señora, who does cry at funerals and occasionally at weddings.

Señora had a good friend pass away recently. A woman 10 or Continue reading “Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.089”

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.055

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I went downstairs this morning and said to Señora, “What about fixing me some eggs for breakfast?”

She replied, “Are your arms broken?  I know you know where the skillet is.  You put it up last night after you washed the dishes.”

She went on to add, “Besides who do you think you are, the King of England, wanting eggs for breakfast. We’re not jet setters around here who can afford such luxuries.”

All of which reminded me of a story about my daughter from when she was in 5th grade:   $40 A$$

For an interesting comparison of egg prices: Price of eggs in Mexico

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.280

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Click on picture to see it larger

This is a picture I took of Señora gleefully experiencing a ménage-à-trois, well okay, a ménage-à-doobie, with two music icons painted on the wall of a cannabis store in Muskogee, by gawd, Oklahoma.

Of course, the person on the right is the legendary Bob Marley, the Reggae musician, famous for his advocacy of the legalization of cannabis and giant spliffs.

The cowboy hat wearing gentleman is none other than Continue reading “Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.280”

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.264

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I was feeling a bit romantic and I told Señora, “I just love you to pieces.“

To which she replied, “Then you should love ALL the pieces.”

Oh well, I tried.  Romanticism is overrated anyway…

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.262

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora was telling me about her day tomorrow, saying she was going to lunch with Bettina.  She then asked me if I remembered who Bettina was.  I did not.  She then went on to describe Bettina, expounding on the details of their connection, she explained to me that Bettina is the mother-in-law of the one of the twin daughters of the woman whose is the fraternal twin of Señora‘s sister-in-law. Got all that?  Señora then added that Bettina is older than her.

Then I boldly went where no sane husband should go.  I remarked to Señora that it is hard these days to find such a person, someone older than her.

As fortune would have it, the closest thing at hand was a sofa pillow, which she sent screaming my way at wrap speed. There was no need to duck, plus it gave me a shield in case other items were to follow.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.045

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I, more than likely, over did it a wee bit yesterday.  Besides being tired, my back was barking at me excessively.  Before Señora had left the house for her choir practice at around 1815 hours, I had taken a muscle relaxer. An hour or so later my back was still being less than polite, so I took another Flexeral.

I am chalking it up to a combination of being tried and the medications, but I went to bed earlier than usual, somewhere between 2000 and 2100 hours.  I was asleep when my prodigal wife made her way back to the hacienda.  When she found me asleep in the bed, she awaken me, gently to be sure, but still she woke me up. Indubitably, you will understand why I found this a wee bit irritating. I don’t remember how I responded, but in my best Clark Kent manner, I am sure.  I then rolled over and went back to sleep.

As this was not the first time, she has waken me in these circumstances, this morning I started ruminating as to why.  Generally, when I find her asleep, I simply back out of the room so as to not disturb her.  Or if it is late, slip into the bed as lightly as I can.

Then it dawned on me her reason, so I went searching for her, finding her on the couch,  I explained to her that I did not quite understand why she woke me up.  I then asked if she had some trepidation that I might be dead in the bed. She confessed that it was.  I suppose it would be minorly horrible to go to bed, only to find a cold, dead corpse headed toward rigor mortis laying next to you the following morning.  But sometimes a gal just needs her beauty sleep.

And that is how it goes sometimes in La casa de los viejos.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.038

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I am looking at Señora with great affection and tenderness in my heart, and I say to her, “You are so beautiful.”

To which she replies, “You need to put your glasses on.”

“I have them on.”

“Then you need to clean them, Caballero.”

“You know I clean my glasses several times a day.”

She won’t let it go and asks me, “when was the last time you saw the ophthalmologist?”

“My prescription is recent,” I reminded her.

“Well it is dark in here,” she went on.

“No, it is not, it is mid morning and sunny outside.”

“Obviously,” she remarked, still not letting it go, “you’ve been drinking.”

“Whenever have you known me to drink in the morning.”

“Well something is off kilter.”

Then I uttered the words, “You are right! Here is a paper bag, I think you know what to do with it.”

Pray for me, the doctors tell me I will not be in here too long…

And so it goes.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.024

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora and I had gone to bed. We were both engaged in canine behavior, that is, we were imitating Princess Lily’s bed time preparation routine.  While we were not circling our respective sides of the bed three times, we each were fluffing pillows, rearranging blankets, flouncing around as we attempted to find that ever so perfect spot for falling asleep.

In simpler words, we were trying to get comfortable, and thus were moving around quite a bit.  There was an almost spooky, creaking sound that was occurring sporadically but frequently.

Señora says to me, “Is that the bed or one of us?”

I still am hoping it was the bed.

And so it goes.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.023

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I am a little worried about Señora.

Let me set the stage.  We have an Internet connected Smart Thermostat. It has a sensor downstairs and a sensor upstairs.  Remembering that hot air raises and cold air falls, playing with the opening and closing of vents on the various levels of our abode, I can keep the temperature more or less even on all floors.  The thermostat functionality  is based on averaging the temperature at the sensors together.

As a balance between comfort and pocketbook, we kept the thermostat at 70 this time of year.   With the averaging of the sensors bouncing around a bit, it reads 70 part of the time  and 69 the rest.

Señora has a Feliz cumpleaños coming up shortly.  I always think of this time of year as a triple witching hour as her birthday, Valentine’s Day and the anniversary of our meeting all happen with five days of each other.  I make Hallmark’s budget balance in that short period of time.

Unlike yours truly, Señora is not horrified by birthdays.  This year is different, however. She is having a hard time dealing with the number.  Every time she walks past the thermostat and it reads 69 she goes a little batty.  She is convinced that this piece of smart, Internet connected technology is mocking her.  I am hoping there is not a whole year of this.

But then again for the rest of the year we keep the thermostat at 72.  Guess who is hitting this wonderful number this year.  I am sure this maldito contraption will be mocking me too.

And so it goes.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.022

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora with her eyebrows arched, thankfully not peering at me over the top of her glasses like my Mama used to do, said to me, “You know I have grounds for an annulment, don’t you?”

Being skilled at repartee, I replied, “Oh?”

“Yes,” she went on, “you did not disclose an important fact to me.”

Again with the adept repartee I answered, “Oh?”

“You did not tell me you were an alien, that you were from another planet.”

“Really,” I countered, “I thought you would have figured that out before we were married when I taught you the ear tugging trick.”

And so it goes.

Okay like a lot of my stories there is a grain of reality in there, and just a wee bit of literary license.  I did something or the other, very innocent I am sure, that caused  Señora to accuse me of being an extraterrestrial.

If you did not get the ear tugging reference, follow this link to Bad Jokes and read the one entitled The Martians.  It’s and oldie, but goodie.

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