Category: Random Thoughts

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,697

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

I have decided that I want to get into a poker game with a bunch of MAGAs.  They obviously do not know when to fold a losing hand or how to bluff convincingly about such a losing hand.

But then again, they might follow their idol’s example and ignore the rules. Thus, claiming their pair of jacks beats my 10 high straight. An argument would ensue with the flipping of the card table sending chips, cards and cash flying to all corners of the room causing a mad scramble for the greenbacks. Phones would be drawn, racing to post a video of the bad behavior on social media. They neighbors would hear the clash and the loud voices.  They police would be called and I and the others would spend the night in the hoosegow for disturbing the peace and illegal gambling.

Perhaps I should forego the opportunity to pad my wallet.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,351

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

Spellcheck…

I am trying to decide which is the lesser of two evils.  To release one of my puerile little blog articles into the wild with spelling errors, or to release it with spellcheck having unknowingly substituted my original intended word with a word spelled somewhat similarly but with an entirely different meaning.

Between my fat fingers and the inability to edit my own writings, it is of deep concern for this poor, deluded scribbler.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,070

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

Back in the day… what used to trigger my decision that I needed a haircut was when my bangs began to interfere with my vision, or in recent years when Señora began chasing me around with her scissors.  As the years have descended on me like a rugby scrum, my decision is frequently triggered by my eyebrows having grown to the point that they are interfering with my vision.

Gotta love this getting old gig.

*****

Señora has been cutting my hair for years now.  Her doing so was a combination of things.  First, there was COVID with everyone staying home afraid of being around other humans.  Then, the barber who I had been going to for years had a series of small strokes.  She was still trying to work, but her quality was less than optimal.  I hung with her as long as I could out of loyalty, but at some point I had had enough of her hacking up my hair.  A lot of other customers must have felt the same way as her shop closed up not too long after I stopped going there.

Gotta love this getting old gig.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,341

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

There is a book that came out about 34 years ago, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I have been thinking there might be room in the market for a book about the differences between girlfriends and wives.   If there is room for that book there there is probably room for a book about the differences between boyfriends and husbands.

Let’s get back to differences between girlfriends and wives.  One section might deal with if a woman’s man has been somewhat remiss in his “manly” duties.  A girlfriend will frequently use the art of seduction to remedy the problem. A wife simply jumps straight to guilt induction.

Which reminds me of a joke I have told many times:

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

Don’t worry dear, you go ahead and go out and play.  I will just sit here in the dark.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,359

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

We seem to spend an inordinate amount of time looking for Señora‘s lost (misplaced would be more accurate) phone.  Which made me wonder if at some point in the future phones might be implantable and eliminate our frequent exercise of phone search.  I suppose then the issue would be remembering to plug Señora in to charge her phone.

We are Borg, you will be assimilated.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,594

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

I can be good, I really can.  I can control my mouth, at least part of the time, I really can.

On one of the golf courses I go to when you finish the 18th hole, you pass by the first tee.  Which is what I was doing yesterday afternoon.  On the first tee were four young men, late teens or early twenties, teeing off.  Just as an aside, it is so hard for me tell ages these days, especially with that group, they all look like babies to me.

All four of them were dressed very similarly, tee shirts and Tom Selleck shorts.  However, one of the youngsters had on a pair of very red sneakers (to use an antiquated word).  I so wanted to  say to him, “nice shoes, Dorothy,” but I refrained.

See I can be nice.  Besides it would have be four against one.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,594

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

All I am saying is that is a good thing they do not put horns on golf carts.  I would be trouble at least some of the time.

What brought that up?  I was playing behind a twosome who had loaded up with beer before teeing off.  By about the 15th hole their golf had become very erratic, and their concern for we folks playing behind them nil. Unfortunately, there are more than a few souls who use golf as an excuse to drink. Oh well.

I don’t know if behavior has become worse on public golf courses, but it seems to have.  COVID brought out a lot of new golfers as it was seen as semi-safe activity to do with other folks.  Then you add in Bluetooth speakers that allow folks to play music on the golf course, usually much too loud.  I have had more than one “discussion” with other golfers about their music.  It amazes me at one level with ear buds, mini audio-phones so ubiquitous.

As my granddaddy was fond of saying, “there is a time place for everything.”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,000

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

I am beginning to understand something I have seen often, and, is in fact, a bit of a stereotype.  It may be due to the weight I have lost of late, or perhaps the way my body has changed as my hair has whitened. Whatever the cause, I find myself hitching my britches up way up past my hips in an attempt to keep them from sagging down around my knees. I show my ass often enough without actually showing my ass.

So, if you see  me walking with my trousers up around my armpits, I am not trying to imitate Steve Urkel, I am just old.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,467

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

I was on a beer run.  As I was entering the package store late on this sunny afternoon, three sweet young things were exiting. They were dressed in their best summertime, revealing outfits.  Even if you only had a few milligrams of testosterone floating around in your system, it would have been hard to not have checked them out, which I was.  As I got near to the gaggle of girls I overheard one of them say to another, “I will turn 25 before you turn 23.”

All of sudden I felt like a dirty old man… oh well.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #9,374

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

I was shopping for staples at Aldi, browsing through the produce section I encountered cucumbers in their original shipping cartons, labeled both in English and Spanish.  What caught my attention was the carton labeled “conventional cucumber”.  Made wonder what an unconventional cucumber was, and could I get one to try.

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