Random Thoughts Archives - Curmudgeon Alley

2025/05/052025/05/05

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #7,735

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

There is a deeply profound quote by the comedian Jerry Seinfeld that goes:

“Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.”

I was thinking about this quote the other day as I was wondering what it would be like to actually understand women. Would it be like looking into the sun without protective eye gear? Would it be like looking into the eye of Mordor? Would you turn to stone as you would if you were to look a Medusa? Would it be your doom, like listening to the Siren’s song? Would it be like passing the light at the end of the tunnel, never to return? Would the number 42 start flashing at you from the cosmos?

Asking for a friend.

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2025/05/04

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,716

yeah I know you did not ask!

If Homo sapiens have a lingua franca, it is mathematics. Unfortunately, most of us only speak it at the most basic of levels, pidgin English, if you will. At least sitting here in the United States. I have the impression that math is emphasized more in other countries, much like second and third languages are more common outside our borders.

I could not stand it, so I looked up our ranking…

U.S. math scores decline dramatically on international test

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2025/05/022025/05/02

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,274

yeah I know you did not ask!

I tend to “meditate” in the downstairs bathroom as that is where we keep all our bathroom “literature”. The other two WCs are not arranged in a fashion that would not damage the books. Frequently, afterwards, there is a malodorous miasma engulfing the whole of the first floor of our dwelling. As I travel from there to other realms of our abode I will pass The Wee Dog, aka Prancess Lily, on one of her many perches. I sometimes wonder if she is stewing, thinking why does he get to do it inside and he makes me go outside.

Or not… random thought INDEED!

I really just wanted to use the phrase malodorous miasma. I will admit to having a weakness for puns (the worst the better), and, in this case, alliteration. While I am not aware of any, there should really be an AA style group for those of us suffering such a monstrous malady.

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2025/04/302025/04/30

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #9,192

yeah I know you did not ask!

As I stumbled back to bed after yet another early morning visit to the bathroom, I glanced at the clock radio. It read 4:44 . “Well,” thought I, “three of a kind with two of those in the hole. It is time to press your bets.”

I wondered how many other folks were playing pre-dawn poker at that instant.

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2025/04/16

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,955

yeah I know you did not ask!

I discovered what my super power is: getting a Walmart employee to engage with me.

Have gotten the attention of a blue-vested woman pushing a restocking cart around the Manchester Road Walmart – once the biggest in the world – I asked her where the frozen orange juice was, having already wasted a good five or ten minutes looking for it. Turns out it was on the very bottom of one of the freezers. They only had the Wally World brand with very bland packaging. So between the two, the OJ was not jumping to get into my shopping cart.

As I was watching The Associate key into her Walmart app the location of the item I was looking for, I begin to wonder… can you get carpal tunnel syndrome from such ferocious activity with your opposable digits?

Yes Michelle I know the anatomy. It was just a random thought watching her key with her two thumbs so rapidly.

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2024/10/302024/10/30

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,350

yeah I know you did not ask!

Given the prevalence of the Irish curse on both sides of my family, I work very hard to monitor my drinking. I am prone to a nightcap a few nights a week, and if we are socializing or partying I will have a few. I do this if for no other reason than the hangovers hurt like hell at my advanced age, plus it is not really how I want to live my life — in an altered state of mind. We won’t even mention the havoc excessive alcohol consumption could have on your body.

HOWEVER, given the way this election cycle is going, I may violate my personal mandate and start drinking early election night, November 5th. If tRump comes out the winner, I mostly likely will not stop until the next century. I cannot imagine living in a world that tRump and the Republicans with their 2025 agenda and bellying up to dictators will fashion.

May Shiva save us all.

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2024/10/15

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #7,519

yeah I know you did not ask!

I read once that they used to say that you could buy a Ford Model T in any color you wanted, as long as it was black.

It seems to me this last year or so, you could say that you can buy any new car, regardless of brand, in any color you want, as long as it is gray.

The interstates around St. Louis are beginning to look like an endless, gray ribbons.

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2024/10/11

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #3,946

yeah I know you did not ask!

Many maps and globes depict the planet’s largest island, Greenland, as all white. Given what seems to be an accelerating pace of global warming, I wonder how long it will be before the cartographers have to re-colorize this island?

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2024/09/27

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #7,839

yeah I know you did not ask!

I stopped by the cannabis store the other day. Looking around, seeing so many old folks — sorry, senior citizens — in there, I thought I had made a wrong turn and ended up in the New Balance store. Perhaps the only place I might have seen more… senior citizens that is, would have been at Cracker Barrel.

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