Category: Rev. Joe Dirt’s Ramblings

The unsolicited, unreasoned, uninformed, unapologetic opinions of Rev. Joe Dirt

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H. L. Mencken on Trump’s Inauguration…

A friend sent me this quote which perfectly describes the inauguration of Donald Trump:

“As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be occupied by an incompetent, downright fool and complete narcissistic moron.” — H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920 

For the first time in my life I am embarrassed to say I am an American.  I am thinking about getting a red maple leaf tattoo so people might accidentally mistake me for a Canadian.

What an awful day for our country.

 

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #767

yeah I know you did not ask!

I saw an article the other day detailing how women are knitting/crocheting bright pink hats that symbolize  “pussy power” for the Women’s March on Washington in a few days.

What I think should happen is that they also knit hats with shriveled little penises for the members of Congress to wear as most of them are real DICKS. And one for Donald Trump whereby the size of the penis matches the size of his hands.

Talk about truth in advertising.

 

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #8,806

yeah I know you did not ask!

By the time Effingham Trump and the compassionate party known as Republicans getting done gutting social programs, people’s elderly and disabled relatives are going to be living in the basement along side people’s Millennial children.

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Footwear?

Robin just cracked me up so bad my stomach started cramping.

When we were in Mexico my flip flops broke so I started wearing a pair of hers.  They are a little more colorful than I would normally wear, but hey I won’t see these people again.

What happened next I am blaming on my new footwear.  I am getting a sushi roll, and while I am waiting for the young lady to make it, the gentleman behind me in line starts up a conversation.  As I am leaving I swear he winks at me.  Since I thought it a little funny, I told Robin about it.

On New Year’s Eve there is a big celebration at the resort.  I see the gentleman again and I know for sure that he winks at me this time.  Again I tell Robin.

We are going through Robin’s pictures this morning.  At the resort they had set up a dance floor on the beach and Robin had taken a picture of the people dancing.  Right there in the foreground was my friend.  I point him out to Robin.  Her comment, “Why he is cute!”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 278

yeah I know you did not ask!

I’m at the dentist getting my teeth clean.  The young female hygienist needs to move a piece of apparatus  that is on a pivot from my left side to my right side.  As she is doing so the vertical bar holding the tray bumps into my feet.  She tells me, “I need a couple more inches.”

My internal dialogue responded, “You’re not the first female to tell me that.”

All which reminds me of my most frequent golf joke.  When a putt or chip comes up a little short I have a tendency to say, “Just like my ex-wife used to tell me all the time, ‘another couple inches and that would have been pretty good.'”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 1,613

yeah I know you did not ask!

We were riding in a taxi going from the airport in Cancun to the resort in  Akumal, Mexico.  Either in Cancun or Playa de Carmen I noticed a big Home Depot.  It got me to wondering if there were American men congregated in the parking lot looking for day labor.

 

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Effingham Trump

A few years ago Robin and I were on a road trip.  We passed through Effingham, Illinois.  Robin , who is apparently an escapee from an Improv troupe, fell head over heels in love with the word Effingham.  Suddenly everything was Effingham.  “What  do you  Effingham think you are doing?”  “That is no Effingham way to act.”  “I am Effingham exhausted!”  You get the Effingham picture.

Recently we have started a new improv act, The Trump substitution game.  Anywhere you would use an expletive deleted, we are using Trump.  “You piece of Trump.”  What the Trump do you think you are doing.”  “You Trumping bastard.”  (You Trumping Trump??)   You get the Trumping picture.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 5,377

yeah I know you did not ask!

Yukky Gross… that moment you realize your finger has broken through the toilet paper!  Which is pretty much what has happened with this last election.  Only I do not see any soap and water anywhere near at hand to wash the Trump off my finger.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 2,268

yeah I know you did not ask!

With the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States, in retrospect the movie Idiocracy looks prophetic.  Only this time there will be no Private Joe Bauers from 5 centuries in our past to come to our rescue.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 6,499

yeah I know you did not ask!

My Jewish wife made a comment that had me trying to explain to her the concept of heaven as is preached in some fundamentalist Christian churches.  Heaven is this wonderful place where the streets are paved in gold, where everyone lives in mansions, where the lame walk, the deaf hear…  Where everyone is wonderfully happy and healthy.

This got me to wondering, if you had erectile dysfunction in life, is your organ now a rock hard ram of steel in this version of heaven? Asking for a friend.