Reverend Joe wipes out a waiter

Recently I was in Orange Beach, by gawd, Alabama on a fishing trip.  After a nice and productive day of offshore fishing we decided to go to a nice restaurant for dinner, seafood of course.  It was a fancy place complete with table clothes and starched napkins.  Over to right of us were several tables pushed to together for what looked like a bachelorette party.  There were about 30 or so pretty women in their early twenties sitting at the tables.

Before the food arrived I needed to go to the bathroom.  As I was walking back I realized one of my table mates was behind me.  The shortest route from the facilities to our table was by this bevy of beautiful southern belles. Continue reading “Reverend Joe wipes out a waiter”

The moral of the man with one arm

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play Golf and do lots of things that took two arms.

One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.  He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again.

He asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?”

He said, “I’m NOT happy. My balls itch!”

Another reason I don’t remarry

Seen on the back of mini-van

Saw it…
Wanted it…
Threw a fit…
GOT IT!!!
Cowgirl Up

Africa in perspective

A little graphical food for thought.

A few nations/continents superimposed on Africa

Click on image for a larger view

Obama, The Messiah, I don’t think so

I’ve never voted for a Republican, and I am having a hard time getting excited about Obama.  The media is fueling some of that lack of excitement.  They love to show Obama with some sort of halo around his head.  I do not believe him to be the Messiah or a saint.

I also got so tired of the depiction of Hillary as a bumpkin from Arkansas.  She is not a bumpkin nor is she from Arkansas.  If they were not doing that, they were painting her as a shrewish old woman.

Obviously, he has managed to woo the media and Clinton has managed to alienate them.  Or maybe it is as Paul Krugman suggests, racism is declining, but not misogyny.

I really wonder if having news 24×7 on multiple medias is really doing us a service.   Especially when they use such broad strokes.

Number 5 has been used in a multitude of news stories.

And now Michelle…

 

And the broad strokes to paint the Clintons as hillbillies. Well I know hillbillies and they are not hillbillies…to paraphrase someone.

Click on cartoon to see larger image 

Credit: Pat Oliphant

Are you really going to walk all 18 holes, mister?

A regular golf course is generally 6000 to 6500 yards long.  That is 3.4 to 3.7 miles.  If you are like me when you play golf, it is never a straight line.  I am guessing that in a round of golf I probably walk 4 to 4 ½ miles.  A reasonably healthy individual should be able to do that in an hour of brisk walking.

A round of golf usually takes approximately 4 hours.  Theoretically you are walking at the blistering pace of 1 mile per hour.  In reality there is a fair amount of standing around, and then brisk walking to your ball.  I carry my bag, throw in some elevation changes, and you have a reasonable amount of exercise.  The figures I have seen say about 7 calories per minute playing golf if you are walking and carrying your bag.  That means you are burning up around 1700 calories as long as you stay away from the beer concession.

This is not the first time I’ve been asked, “Are you really going to walk all 18 holes?”  This time it was by 4 young men in their late teens or very early 20s.  These young men all looked in good health, and were not carrying the excess weight of many of their peers.  We conversed a little, and they just could not imagine walking the course.

I walk because a) I enjoy the game more when I am walking.  Buzzing around in a cart brings in a rushed dimension to the game I do not like.  b) I love the exercise.  I am in reasonable shape compared to many of my peers.  Walking the golf course is one the things that helps maintain my fitness.  c)  I’m cheap and I like to play a lot of golf.  Paying for a cart adds $10 to $15 to the price of a round of golf.

I knew one young man whose reason for not walking was he did not want anyone to think he could not afford a cart!!!  What a load of baloney.

Some golf courses will not let you play during certain hours unless you rent a cart.  I do know some walkers slow things down a little.  I’m not so sure that is a bad thing.  I’ve golfed with far too many folks early in day that acted like playing 18 holes was just another chore to finish.  That strikes me a missing one of the key joys of golf.

I have frequently played with folks in carts while I walked.  Unless they are extremely good golfers with the ball in the fairway all the time I keep up with them.  Frequently I am waiting on them.

I will acknowledge that for many folks if they did not have a cart there would be no place to carry the cooler of beer.  Golf in this case just becomes an activity to do while drinking.  Oh well.

I just see so many folks that would benefit from the mild exercise golfing provides, yet they feel they must ride or they cannot play.  Given the current obesity epidemic how wonderful it would be if a few of these folks jumped off their carts and walked.

Or at least they could at least quit acting like I was nuts for doing so.

13…13…13…

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, ’13….13….13.’  The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick

Then they all started shouting ’14…14…14′

Jerks…

The 10 Commandments

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:

You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’  ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’  and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians… It creates a hostile work environment.