Category: Rev. Joe Dirt’s Ramblings

The unsolicited, unreasoned, uninformed, unapologetic opinions of Rev. Joe Dirt

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Hanging from the back bumper

It is probably not entirely fair to say that Saturday Night Live patterned their character, The Church Lady, after my mother.  It, however, is not too far from the truth.  She is prim and proper almost to the point of being prudish.  Knead in an equal amount of operatic diva.  Sprinkle moderately with essence of OCD, being sure the flakes are evenly spaced.   Add a dash or two of Tabasco sauce.  That would be my mother.

A year or so ago my cousin died and somehow I ended up driving my mother alone to the funeral.  We took her car as she likes neither of my vehicles.  She complains about having to climb into my F-150 pickup.  Alternatively, she gripes about the lowness and smallness of my MX-5 sports car.  So we took her car with me driving.  And of course she has this whole set of rules Continue reading “Hanging from the back bumper”

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Saturday at the flea market

I was at the local flea market last Saturday.  I would not want to go too often, but to pass the occasional afternoon, it is entertaining. 

First there are the vendors.  They were selling everything from self made crafts to junk imported from China.  At least in the south you can always count on a vendor or two pushing swords, knives, and other assorted marital aids.  This market had a vendor pushing an item that looked like a cross between brass knuckles and a taser. I’m still trying to figure out the swords. It has been a long time since I have heard of anyone dueling Continue reading “Saturday at the flea market”

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Michelangelo’s David

david_statue_webI have always enjoyed the statue of David by Michelangelo.  There are a number of reasons for this. First, it is a wonderful expression of human achievement by a master at the top of his game.  The detail is phenomenal and exquisite.  The statue looks like with just slightest of breathes he could come alive and jump down from the pedestal to begin a full human life. 

Besides being a beautiful piece of art, it depicts a beautiful human.  It appears that the granite “DNA” has co-mingled to form the ideal male.  While not gay it is certainly a male body that I appreciate and enjoy observing.

There is also a more mundane reason I like the statue.  The male sexual organ as usually depicted and photographed would make Man-O-War blush with feelings of inadequacies.  As a young man this wonderful statue made me feel “normal”.  Well at least in that one regard.

There is a Jamaican man that works where I do. For the most part he is very understandable, but occasionally his accent and my mish mash of accents makes communication a little less than optimal.  He came around one day asking if I knew the artist Dávid.  Not being entirely sure what he had just said, I asked him if he was talking about Michelangelo’s statute of David.  He looked at me funny for a minute then said, “You mean the one with the small penis?” 

Make room in your stall , Man-O-War,  I’m coming in blushing from head to toe.

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The Garbage Man

Many moons ago when I lived in Ft. Smith, AR I went out to the golf course to play a round.  At Ben Geren if you do this they tend to group singles together.  This works out nicely for several reasons.  It keeps the pace of play better.  You can get more folks on the golf course.  Singles are not frustrated waiting on foursomes.  It also has the added benefit of allowing you to play with folks with which you might not otherwise share a round of golf. 

On this particular day they paired me with a young man, a twenty something.  He was obviously working class.  I put myself in that category, but white collar.  Continue reading “The Garbage Man”

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Best Apples for Baking

The Cook’s Thesaurus says, “Best (apples) for baking: Rome, Jonagold, Granny Smith, Pippin, Gala, Braeburn, Northern Spy, Gravenstein, Rhode Island Greening, York Imperial, Cortland, Winesap.”

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Imagine – Right Livelihood

A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

John Lennon ~ Imagine

One of the principles of the Buddha’s Continue reading “Imagine – Right Livelihood”

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Irony at One Police Plaza

The Merriam and Webster dictionary gives several definitions for irony, but the following definition works for the ensuing anecdotes.  Irony – 1): incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2): an event or result marked by such incongruity. 

Recently I had to go to downtown Memphis to One Police Plaza, not its real appellation, but perhaps it should be.  Part of the complex is 12 stories high, but the overall impression is one of a gray depressing bunker.  Continue reading “Irony at One Police Plaza”

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Am I a 3 eyed Martian?

Here is another reason I worry about this country. These folks are dangerous and harmful to this country. If they believe what they say, they have serious mental problems. My belief is that they do for the ratings which is really for the money that ends up in their pockets, or to put it succinctly GREED. And it is greed is what has driven this country to the brink of economic depression.

This not sane, considered debate about policies and the direction this country needs to take. It is rabble rousing and propaganda for profit. And if that is love of country I am a 3 eyed Martian.

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Truck Stops

Have you been in a truck stop or Interstate travel center lately? Anymore these places have TVs all over the place, and they are almost always tuned to FOX News. I worry deeply for this country.