Category: Humor

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Bon Temps Roulez

We just got back from a week on the beach in sunny, warm, friendly Mexico.  I mention this because it is snowing and 16 degrees outside.  About nine or ten days before we left I noticed that my wife (aka Robin the Beautiful) was sleeping restlessly.  She was also mumbling during these restless periods.  I could not really make out single words, let alone a coherent sentence.   Sometimes I could pick out something that sounded like Getty, get or possibly Gertrude!  And sometime there was a word that sounded like back.  I thought maybe she was singing the Beatles’ song Get Back. I thought that a little strange as I have not known it to be one in her repertoire, but dreams are indeed strange things.  She must have really liked the song because one mumbled bit sounded a lot like groovy.

We get to the resort in Akumal and the beach is beautiful and the staff very attentive.  We spent the better part of every day from about 11 a.m. until 4 or so laying in cabana Continue reading “Bon Temps Roulez”

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She asked, “Who can be a curmudgeon?”

The other day Robin asked me, “What is a curmudgeon?” She knows the dictionary definition of curmudgeon: a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man. She was asking me, the mastermind of the website Curmudgeon-Alley.com, because she thought a young lady of our mutual acquaintance could qualify as a curmudgeon.

I tend to think of myself as a bit (some folks would say more) of a curmudgeon. I did have one commenter on my website take me to task for pinning this appellation on myself. They felt that it was a title that should be conferred. Perhaps they were thinking that there should be some sort of ceremony. A character reminisce of Walther Matthau could “knight” the aspirant by tapping both shoulders alternately with a gnarled, well-seasoned cane resembling a shaking index finger. Continue reading “She asked, “Who can be a curmudgeon?””

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No Driver Left Behind

I spend way too much time commuting which allows me time to observe the idiocy of the motoring public. And yes I know from time to time while driving I fall under the rubric of idiot. My primary rule when I amindex driving is to consider everyone on the road an idiot except myself, and do not be too sure about myself.

I was thinking driving home today with all the push for testing and evaluating for competence in schools perhaps we should do the same for drivers. Some method could be devised to evaluate overall driving skills. This would then be tied into everyone’s driving records. If you fell in the bottom 20% you would have to have a red flashing light on your car. If you fell into the next quintile an orange light, then yellow and so forth. That way you quickly recognize the total idiots and give them a wider berth. Of course, you would have to retest annually as skills change. And I can see some folks sandbagging to get the red light so folks would stay away, but if you tied it to their insurance rates…

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Invasion of the Dust Bunnies

2384439522_4773639359_zI won’t say I was totally terrified, but I had started to become more than a little concerned. There were so many dust bunnies under the bed that I was afraid they were going to coalesce into a giant, fuzzy blob. The idea of waking up in the middle of the night clawing at this nebulous mass of detritus was giving me the heebie-jeebies. I did the only thing humanly possible. I broke out the vacuum cleaner. 

As I took the machine from the hall closet I heard Robin say, “Do you know how to operate that?”

I replied, “Leave me alone I am on a critical mission. Our combined safety is at stake. I will figure this contraption out.”

I am proud to say I have met the dust bunnies, and they are conquered.

Semper fi.

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Suggestion Needed: 12 Step Program

I need some advice or a recommendation. I have been looking for a 12 step program or perhaps a way to do an intervention. Wikipedia listed several, none of which seem to fit Borgthe need.  There is a list at the end of this appeal

The group I am looking for probably has initials along the line of SPA or perhaps CPA aka Smart Phone Anonymous or Cell Phone Anonymous. This is not for me, but for my significant other, Robin.

Generally, in relationships with addicts there is a triangle of interactions. There is the addict, there is an enabler and there is a rescuer. Frequently the enabler and rescuer is the same person switching roles. Robin, being somewhat technology challenged, has several enablers in her life. I will confess to being an enabler by programming various functions on her smart phone for her. Her kids fulfill this role also. I would ask Sarah to help rescue her mother, but I believe she should be in SPA also.

Robin’s phone went belly up a while back, and it was like watching an alcoholic going through the DTs. I thought briefly that I was going to have to take her to emergency room Continue reading “Suggestion Needed: 12 Step Program”