What does one do when confronted with bigotry/ignorance? I have a black friend that when he talks about bigots prefers to refer to them as ignorant people. I think he is right. Bigotry is frequently due to ignorance. I do know that this is not always the case, but I prefer to think that most folks just need a little education. I also believe that it is not a good thing to let such attitudes go unchallenged. To do so is to perpetuate the ignorance.
Several years ago I took a job in the Deep South. I had previously been living in the Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Texas triangle. There were several things that shocked or bothered me when I first moved south. One of the primary ones was the use of the “N” word. I just had not heard it that much in the last several years…at least until I started watching black comedians on TV, but I digress.
I fell into a group of guys that went to lunch together fairly regularly. One individual in particular used the “N” word frequently and in an angry, antagonistic way. Initially I tried to ignore it, but found I could not. Rather than confront him directly (yes I know, cowardly), I commented on it to one of the other lunch mates. I well knew that it would get back to him, and it did. He decided that he did not want to go to lunch with me anymore, and that was okay.
Years before that, I and two of my running mates were golfing. The club house put a fourth with us. No big deal as that is a frequent occurrence on golf courses, and I have met some nice folks that way. About half through the round we began discussing Mike Tyson’s problems (told you this was a while back). Our new fourth started ranting about “N” Mike Tyson this, and “N” Mike Tyson that. I looked at him and said, “I don’t care what color you are, if you throw that much money at an individual with less than optimal intellectual abilities there are going to be issues.” He looked like he wanted to hit me for a minute. He was probably considering the odds, 3 against 1. I am not entirely sure my home boys would have had my back, but he did not know that. He did stop his rant and use of the word.
Another individual at this same company loved to tell “fag” jokes. Again I endured one or two thinking this might be a rare occurrence. It was not. So I asked him to refrain from sharing those types of jokes with me. This held for a period of time and he started back up. I reminded him of my aversion to this type of humor and he stopped. Unlike the first guy he continued to talk to me and go to lunch with me. I am sure I did not change his mind on this issue, but I did at least make him stop and think a little. Attitudes are not changed overnight.
Recently I had a bit of a discussion about humor that I thought less than complimentary towards women. Misogyny is defined as “a hatred of women” or alternatively as “an extreme dislike of females, frequently based upon unhappy experience or upbringing”.
Hatred can be defined as “the emotion of intense dislike; a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action”. Women have historically been allocated to second class citizenship or worse. This continues today world wide. It some countries it is extremely severe. As in other forms of bigotry it needs to be addressed.
I was being sent on more than one occasion cartoons/jokes that I found to be more than mildly misogynist. I gently tried to point out on several occasions that this was offensive and not respectful of women. There were other folks in the email group that attempted to do the same thing. Of course the question needs to be asked: where do you draw the line between mildly misogynist and full blown expressions. I oftentimes feel that “political correctness” has reached insane heights.
Last go round I was fairly blunt about it. Now I have another person that is not talking to me, except this time it was not a stranger or work acquaintance.
What is one supposed to do? I really do not want to be that self-righteous do-gooder confronting folks on issues. Some folks I do not care if I alienate, but most folks I do. I also do not want to let such things go unchallenged. To do so is allow such attitudes to persist. What is one supposed to do?
It is soooooo weird that you would bring up this subject when my younger sister and I had a discussion about people’s responses to and comments about gays. I asked the question “What if a family member that you truly love comes out of the closet? Will you stop loving him/her? Will you continue making the comments about/to gays? If you stop loving or continuing making the comments to that recetnly-out-of-the-closet loved one, what does that say about YOU as a ‘religious person’?”
I HAVE ALL KINDS OF FRIENDS, WHITE, BLACK, OTHERS. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT COLOR THEY ARE OR WHERE THEY CAME FROM. AS LONG AS WE CAN SET DOWN AND TALK ABOUT ANY THING AND GO AWAY AND STILL BE FRIENDS. IF YOU ENJOY BEING WITH A PERSON THAT IS ALL IT NEED TO BE. THE REST CAN GO TE HELL. IT DOSE NOT TAKE NAME CALLING TO BE SOME ONE. MAYBE I DID NOT GET IT RIGHT OR SAY IT JUST RIGHT BUT I HOPE I GOT MY POINT OVER. MAKE FRIENDS AND BE A FRIEND.
My response is equal to my level of discomfort. It ranges from, not laughing at the jokes and walking away, to a max of me expressing my discomfort to the person. If they persist after I tell them, I generally have as little to do with them as possible after that. I choose what I let into my life.
confront… sometimes people just don’t realize how they sound… sometimes they do and aren’t going to change. Perhaps if the confronted person sees their behavior through someone else’s eyes they will have an opportunity to grow and learn and let go of the fear that leads them to make such comments in the first place.
Significantly, the author mentioned no comments about Jews. This is strange, since in my experience if a person is bigoted against any group, they also hate Jews. Also I have certainly noticed an increase in anti-semitic comments recently; many of them disguised as sympathy for the Palistinians.
Typical! Liberals whose hearts bleed for every minority group on the planet seem to make Jews the single exception .. Why is that?
A soft answer turns away wrath! Confront it!