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It’s tough being an old man. I was sitting in Urgent Care waiting to be seen. You know I was not feeling well as I would just about as soon be sitting in a prison cell with Bubba and Roscoe eyeing me lustfully than go to the doctor, any doctor.
My son and his girlfriend were here with their pandilla de muchachos over Memorial Day weekend. I became very ill the Wednesday Continue reading “It’s Tough Being an Old Man”
Step 1: Recruit a curvaceous Sweet Young Thing, henceforth known as curvaceous SYT.
Step 2: Dress up my newly recruited curvaceous SYT in a sexy, see-through, next-to-nothing nightgown that does nothing but accentuate her God given charms.
Step 3: Hide her behind the Christmas tree.
Step 4: When Santa comes down the chimney she will step from behind the Christmas tree giving Santa her best come hither smile, all the while shaking her money makers. This causes all the blood in Santa’s head to rush precipitously to his candy cane…stripped or otherwise. Santa faints from lack of oxygen in his brain.
Step 5: While the curvaceous SYT is ascertaining whether Santa needs CPR… or other services, I rapidly scale a previously situated ladder. Jumping in the sled, grabbing the reins, I pilot Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dunder, Blixem and Rudolph to a secret location strong enough to retain nine angry reindeer. I hear Rudolph has such a mouth…
Step 6: Fence the nine reindeer. I can only imagine what a team of freaking, flying reindeer that can fly around the world in one night must be worth. I am sure Rudolph with that nose so bright will bring twice what the others fetch. And that endless bag of toys, there is no putting a price on such a thing.
Step 7: Hire Elon Musk to clean my 42 bathrooms.
And so it ho, ho, ho goes.
We just got back from a week long road trip. Our first stop was in Owensboro, KY to visit my Aunt Betty. We got there about mid afternoon and spent most of the afternoon and evening visiting with her after checking into our motel. The next morning we were going to meet her and some of my cousins for the traditional breakfast at Dee’s Diner. Needing coffee I went to the breakfast area to get a cup for Señora and I. As I was doctoring our coffees a young lady came in, pumped herself some coffee, added some cream, then begin looking around.
I asked her, “Are you looking for something?”
“Sugar,” she responded.
To which I replied, “Normally I am accommodating, but we just met!”
That is when I got the pity laugh.
Probably I am lucky I did not get my face slapped, but being elderly these sweet young things grant me some latitude… such as holding doors for me and allowing me to go in first. They seem to think there is no bark left in this old hound dog. Gotta love this getting old gig.
And so it is going.