Tag: random

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #8,301

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

Geriatrics: That branch of medical science whose conceit is that they can manage the ongoing train wreck that is old age, knowing all along the inevitable conclusion.

What was it the first caveman achieving elder status said, “This getting old ain’t for sissies.”

Just saying.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #432

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

I know how someone can make a fortune.

The Wee Dog has a semi-truck load full of dog toys.  Well, I should not exaggerate, they would only fill up a bobtail truck.  And Señora keeps buying more for her.

Thing is that after Princess Lily has had the toy for 10 minutes the squeaker stops working. There is a mountain of now squeak-less canine playthings in the corner of our family room.

I betcha… that if you could come up with a squeaker to put inside these pet baubles that would work for more than a few minutes you could corner the market.  That or a nation of pet owners would be at your door asking WTF have you done.

Just saying.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,770

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

A big portion of the price of any alcoholic beverage, as listed on the shelf or bottle, includes various taxes (excise being an example), as imposed by different levels government, mainly federal and state. When you get to the cash register to pay, they add sales tax to the shelf price. More often than not, the now not so random thought pops into my brain that they are charging sales tax on taxes.  Just does not seem right.

Just saying.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,503

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

Friends do not let friends spend hours careening down the YouTube or Facebook rabbit holes.

Put that cell phone down on the ground and step back 2 paces… DO IT NOW! Don’t make me hide your charger again.

Just saying.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,488

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

To state the obvious, crazy people are hard to deal with.  That is one of the many reasons we call them crazy. Frequently, one of the most difficult things to tolerate is that they suck all the oxygen from a room, they hog all the bandwidth, leaving room for only their drama. Even when they are not there physically.

Just saying.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,367

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

 

El cascarrabias

Next time you are troubled by one of your fellow travelers in this absurdity we call life,  consider this:  You share 99.9% (sources vary from 99.6 to 99.9%) of your DNA with every other Homo sapiens on this planet. What a big deal, positive and negative, we make of that 0.1%.  That amount of difference is just a little more than a standard size shot glass in a 15.5 gallon keg of beer.  It is one McDonald’s cheeseburger among a pile of 1000 similar sandwiches.

And just in case you are feeling smug… While we are not direct descendants of apes, chimpanzee, and bonobos, we do share a common ancestor with them.  As such we share 98.8% of our DNA with them.  That is a difference of 16 shot glasses in our keg of beer, or 12 cheeseburgers in your pile of  1000 such sandwiches.

So by and by when next you look deeply into my sorrowful, wistful simian eyes… remember that.

And so it goes.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,573

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.

 

El cascarrabias

I wish I could draw.  If I could I would create a cartoon and label it: The Typical American.

It would feature a grossly obese person of whatever sex, one whose gender was  indeterminante might even be more to the point. Our typical American would be sporting shorts, regardless of the season, that were much too big, a screen printed t-shirt pushing a political opinion, religion, vacation destination or sports team, the ubiquitous sneakers or flip-flops, and a baseball cap, more than likely worn backwards. They would be in a mega warehouse store, like Sam’s or Costco, pushing the oversized shopping cart mandatory at these venues.  The cart would be filled to overflowing with soft drinks and junk food. And, of course, teetering on top of all, there would be a brobdingnagian bail containing a two year supply of toilet paper.

Yup, I was recently in one of these stores. Yup, guess what I saw.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #323

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all my random thoughts.

Indubitably, you are aware of the old saw, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”  Contemplating the recent drama in my abode, Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.304, I decided that we have had this prosaism  wrong all these long centuries.  I am thinking a more accurate platitude might have been, “An onion a day keeps the doctor away.”

Bear with me, here is my reasoning.  If you were to eat an onion everyday, then the likelihood of the majority of folks being close to you diminishes rapidly.  You would thus keep the opportunity for them to transmit any number of human illnesses to you at a very low percentage.  Thusly preserving yourself in a healthy state.  Ergo, the doctor would be a stranger. Without a doubt, a proof my logic professor would be proud of.

Just to be on the safe side, if you were to throw a couple cloves of garlic into the mix, then vampires would be out of the picture, while also eliminating those final few hardy souls not put off by your force field of onion infused belches.

Just saying.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #3,425

yeah I know you did not ask!

You should be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of them.

Okay, this was not my random thought, but it could well have been.

One of my brothers, a fellow curmudgeon, passed this onto me.  He was at Wally World purchasing light bulbs utilizing the latest technology.  He had the random realization that, as he put it,  “the fire of these new light bulbs would, in all probability, be burning long after my fire has extinguished.”

It is interesting that my parents had five male progeny, four of us whom morphed into curmudgeons a loooonng time ago.  Oh well, as I am fond of saying some of my best friends are curmudgeons.

As I write this I had my own random thought.  Is there an Al-Anon group for partners of curmudgeons? Just saying…

And so it goes.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #9,916


yeah I know you did not ask!

You should be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of them.

I was cleaning up the phone log on my cellular telephone today.  I noticed that from all appearances my best friend – the one who the calls me the most – must be a person with the uncommon first name of Scam and the unlikely last name of Likely.

They must be reasonable thick skinned as they keep calling back even with me not being a very good friend/buddy.  If I just don’t ignore their call, I decline it immediately.

And so it goes.