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yeah I know you did not ask!
You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.
Friends do not let friends spend hours careening down the YouTube or Facebook rabbit holes.
Put that cell phone down on the ground and step back 2 paces… DO IT NOW! Don’t make me hide your charger again.
Just saying.
yeah I know you did not ask!
You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.
To state the obvious, crazy people are hard to deal with. That is one of the many reasons we call them crazy. Frequently, one of the most difficult things to tolerate is that they suck all the oxygen from a room, they hog all the bandwidth, leaving room for only their drama. Even when they are not there physically.
Just saying.
yeah I know you did not ask!
You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.
Next time you are troubled by one of your fellow travelers in this absurdity we call life, consider this: You share 99.9% (sources vary from 99.6 to 99.9%) of your DNA with every other Homo sapiens on this planet. What a big deal, positive and negative, we make of that 0.1%. That amount of difference is just a little more than a standard size shot glass in a 15.5 gallon keg of beer. It is one McDonald’s cheeseburger among a pile of 1000 similar sandwiches.
And just in case you are feeling smug… While we are not direct descendants of apes, chimpanzee, and bonobos, we do share a common ancestor with them. As such we share 98.8% of our DNA with them. That is a difference of 16 shot glasses in our keg of beer, or 12 cheeseburgers in your pile of 1000 such sandwiches.
So by and by when next you look deeply into my sorrowful, wistful simian eyes… remember that.
And so it goes.
yeah I know you did not ask!
You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of my random thoughts.
I wish I could draw. If I could I would create a cartoon and label it: The Typical American.
It would feature a grossly obese person of whatever sex, one whose gender was indeterminante might even be more to the point. Our typical American would be sporting shorts, regardless of the season, that were much too big, a screen printed t-shirt pushing a political opinion, religion, vacation destination or sports team, the ubiquitous sneakers or flip-flops, and a baseball cap, more than likely worn backwards. They would be in a mega warehouse store, like Sam’s or Costco, pushing the oversized shopping cart mandatory at these venues. The cart would be filled to overflowing with soft drinks and junk food. And, of course, teetering on top of all, there would be a brobdingnagian bail containing a two year supply of toilet paper.
Yup, I was recently in one of these stores. Yup, guess what I saw.
yeah I know you did not ask!
You should so be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between my rumored neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all my random thoughts.
Indubitably, you are aware of the old saw, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Contemplating the recent drama in my abode, Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.304, I decided that we have had this prosaism wrong all these long centuries. I am thinking a more accurate platitude might have been, “An onion a day keeps the doctor away.”
Bear with me, here is my reasoning. If you were to eat an onion everyday, then the likelihood of the majority of folks being close to you diminishes rapidly. You would thus keep the opportunity for them to transmit any number of human illnesses to you at a very low percentage. Thusly preserving yourself in a healthy state. Ergo, the doctor would be a stranger. Without a doubt, a proof my logic professor would be proud of.
Just to be on the safe side, if you were to throw a couple cloves of garlic into the mix, then vampires would be out of the picture, while also eliminating those final few hardy souls not put off by your force field of onion infused belches.
Just saying.
yeah I know you did not ask!
You should be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of them.
Okay, this was not my random thought, but it could well have been.
One of my brothers, a fellow curmudgeon, passed this onto me. He was at Wally World purchasing light bulbs utilizing the latest technology. He had the random realization that, as he put it, “the fire of these new light bulbs would, in all probability, be burning long after my fire has extinguished.”
It is interesting that my parents had five male progeny, four of us whom morphed into curmudgeons a loooonng time ago. Oh well, as I am fond of saying some of my best friends are curmudgeons.
As I write this I had my own random thought. Is there an Al-Anon group for partners of curmudgeons? Just saying…
And so it goes.
yeah I know you did not ask!
You should be blessed – well cursed at times actually – with a mind such as mine, making all these weird connections between neurons. Just be thankful that I do not share all of them.
I was cleaning up the phone log on my cellular telephone today. I noticed that from all appearances my best friend – the one who the calls me the most – must be a person with the uncommon first name of Scam and the unlikely last name of Likely.
They must be reasonable thick skinned as they keep calling back even with me not being a very good friend/buddy. If I just don’t ignore their call, I decline it immediately.
And so it goes.
yeah I know you did not ask!
Perhaps I am being paranoid, but perhaps I am not. I swear the maldito ChatBot was being condescending and sarcastic with me. If I could have reached through the computer screen and slapped its non-existent face covered with bits and bytes, I would have done so. AI, my derriere, more like Asinine Insolence.
Of course, I may have injured its fancied feelings when I made some not so subtle allusions to its parentage… something about being the illegitimate spawn of a Commodore 64 and Donovan’s “Mellow Yellow”. Or perhaps saying its chips came from a third world factory utilizing child labor was a little over the top for its non-binary, woke being.
Which reminds me of when I worked in the labs at the Oklahoma Department of Health (ODH). This was way before PCs ever came on the scene. We would enter our results from various tests into a mainframe computer program that would then calculate the necessary statistics for us. Well known among us lab techs was an Easter egg in this particular piece of software which is what we all used to sign out of the program. If you typed in F#*@ You, it would ask if you just said F#*@ You. If you responded with “yes”, it would display a middle finger constructed from keyboard characters and sign you out.
Somehow the new MD director of the ODH discovered this fun little game and made IT change it. Obvious he/she had the same sense of humor as my contemptuous ChatBot.
And so it goes.
yeah I know you did not ask!
I have a whole suitcase full of reasons to be angry at Ronald Reagan. IMHO, he started this long, horrendous downward spiral towards Trump and all the other Republican crazies who want to lead us into Fascism.
But my anger du jour is about tools. Yes, you heard me right, tools.
President Carter, a man infinitely too good and too moral, in the opinion of many voters, to be President of the United States, put us on the metric system. One of the first things that Ronald Raygun did was take us backwards and off the metric system. If Bonzo’s second fiddle had left well enough alone, we would be past the pain of changing to a new system, a system incalculably easier and more logical than the imperial system we inherited from the British. We would be in step with the rest of the world, not behind it in this regard.
As it stands now, I have to have two sets of wrenches, Allen wrenches, sockets, etc. Half the time when I eyeball a fastener for a size, or try to reason out what it might be from where it was made, I grab the wrong tool. If I think it is metric, it turns out to be imperial. Or vice versa. I then curse the pompadoured refugee from the talkies for a full half second… which is more of my time than he deserves.
In my next life I want to come back into a species that is logical.
Live long and prosper.
yeah I know you did not ask!
When I was younger I was too stupid to compromise.
Now that I am in my eighth decade, I am too set in my ways to compromise. Well that is not entirely true. Most of the time I really do not give a… flip what other people do or think. Unless it affects me in some way or we are in some way intimate. In the last case just be discreet and leave an old man his delusions.
The thing is I do not remember a sweet spot where I balanced my needs with the needs of another person in a reasonable and sane manner. Apparently I went straight from stupid to set in my ways.
And so it goes in my rush to the finish line.