Recently I was in Orange Beach, by gawd, Alabama on a fishing trip. After a nice and productive day of offshore fishing we decided to go to a nice restaurant for dinner, seafood of course. It was a fancy place complete with table clothes and starched napkins. Over to right of us were several tables pushed to together for what looked like a bachelorette party. There were about 30 or so pretty women in their early twenties sitting at the tables.
Before the food arrived I needed to go to the bathroom. As I was walking back I realized one of my table mates was behind me. The shortest route from the facilities to our table was by this bevy of beautiful southern belles.
As all of us know the current trend among this age group has the breasts as a prominent fashion statement. As I walked past I could not help but make a fashion survey. Towards the end of the table was a particular “fashionable” set in a very low cut dress. I not sure whether I lost focus or became extremely focused, but I lost track of what I was doing which was walking back to my table.
Next thing I knew I was plowing in a young male waiter pouring water at a table across from the fashionable set. I did not totally knock him down, but there was water splashing everywhere. Of course, my table companion was cracking up. I was afraid to look up, and I mumbled, “I’m sorry” to the waiter. I hurried back to my table with my face reddening. Guys being guys, of course, I had to relate the story before some else did. I pointedly did not look at the fashion show, but I cannot imagine them not noticing my faux pas.
Oh well, the trials and tribulations of a middle aged man.
This is not a new theme in my life. Early on I lived in Oklahoma City which is known for its high temperatures in the summer time. I was in Target with my then wife. A very buxomly young lady entered the store from the Oklahoma heat. When I say buxomly I mean of epic proportions. This was compounded by no bra, a white tee shirt, and youth which had had things riding high. As would be expected her anatomy reacted to the sudden coolness of the Target store much to my fascination.
She began to stride down the aisle toward us. As she walked her anatomy moved in a pendulous manner, each side independent of the other, but totally in rhythm. It was hypnotizing, and I was a willing victim. I not quite sure how long I stared, but long enough that the motion is still etched in my mind.
As I was watching, I was walking. All of sudden I realized I was about 2 inches from stumbling into a pallet of rose bushes for sell in the middle of the main aisle. It would have been embarrassing and potential harmful to have fallen into those. My wife who was watching the potential train wreck, did not say a thing. I do believe she would have been quite content if I had not noticed at the last minute the hazard in front of me. Of course, any married man will testify to the hazards of different sort from staring at another woman when your wife is present.
Oh well, the trials and tribulations of a young curmudgeon.
This should be titled “Confessions of Rev Joe”.
As another young ‘un going thru similar “trials and tribulations” *grin* I empathize, ofcourse …
-SGB
This is a 2-part story as they happened on the same day and at the same place. My husband and I decided to go to have a double movie date. We got to the theatre pretty early and found a seat. Shortly afterwards, my husband announced that he was going to the restroom. He was gone a short while when I decided that would be a great idea. I stepped into the ladies room and was surprised to see a pair of tennis shoes under the stall that I knew very well and the door was partially open. I pushed it further open and stepped in to find my husband using the toilet. I asked him why he was in the ladies room. He replied very redfaced that he wasn’t. To which I replied, would I be in the men’s room? It suddenly occurred to him that he truly was in the wrong restroom and the outer door was flung open and a herd of women came in at the same time. He literally jumped onto the toilet so his feet wouldn’t show. All the while I’m laughing almost to the point of hysterics. Finally, the herd subsides and there is only one person in a stall, I rush him out the door and an old lady was trying to figure out the fountain just outside the door and he decided to stop and help her to throw off anyone suspecting he had just come out of the ladies room. I still think she lost the ability to function when she saw a man come out of the ladies room. After watching our movie we were walking through the lobby and there was a gorgeous woman walking through and I swear my husband’s tongue was hanging on the floor! I gave him a poke to remind him of his manners and said you know she’s someone’s mother? He said there was no way she was a mom. Seconds later, a group of teenage girls were walking on the other side of the lobby and one called out “mom” and the gorgeous woman turned to her and replied “yes?” dashing all of my husbands dreams of her being young and untouched…or so I assume that is what he was thinking??? Either way, he had a bad day of misjudgements that day!