I am not religious. I do not even consider myself spiritual. I made the last comment a while back and I had a couple folks arguing with me as they thought I was very spiritual. One problem with the word spiritual is that it has an old school dictionary definition, and common usage that is of a more new age derivative. The dictionary definition, to me, is not that much different than the dictionary definition for religious . Spiritual in this context seems to imply a less structured version of religious. I have trouble getting my head around the new age definition. It is very much like E=mc2. I understand the parts, but the whole is another matter.
My goal is to live an ethical and a genuine life. However, most of the time I fail miserably at these tasks. I have not whacked anyone this time around. I don’t generally rob banks. I work at being consistently truthful, but then again how does one be absolutely truthfully? Should one be?
Ethics are more than those. A while back I decided to not eat meat. In this county, beef, pork and poultry arrives at our plates via industrial farming and processing systems that are not ethical. To consume the product of such activities would not be ethical. However, for me it is ongoing, daily decision to not eat meat. Hopefully, I can continue. Yet on the other hand, I continue to wear leather. Given the above is that not unethical on my part. That is but one example of the many ethical lapses of my daily living.
Where I really fall down is in not being genuine. One definition of genuine is: free from hypocrisy or dishonesty; sincere. How do you do that 100% of the time? Genuineness is not prized in our society. In many places it is absolutely frowned upon. It is especially hard for me as in many ways I am a very private person, and I really do not care to share the real me with many folks. I stumble on this one repeatedly. I really stumbled on the other day trying to avoid being hypocritical and I ended up being dishonest. I’ll get to that in a minute.
I have come to feel that in many ways engaging in religious practices and customs that I do not believe in is hypocritical. I have done so for the last several years as it seemed easier than ruffling feathers. A while back, I was at a relative’s funeral at a fundamentalist church. The preacher was doing what preachers do in those situations in such churches, waxing on about how great the afterlife is and how the deceased was in a better place. I’m with Mark Twain on this one, it did not bother me not to be alive before I was born, why should it bother after I am dead? I really had to fight an impulse to stand up and scream, “How can you folks believe this garbage.” Respect kept me in my seat. It was probably the more ethical choice, but it was not genuine.
I was raised in a Bible belt religious tradition. When I was very young I believed, but as early as 11 or 12 I begin to have serious doubts about what I was being taught. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me because I could not believe, because I did not have faith. As hard as tried, and various points I did give it serious effort, I could not really believe. I really did not have faith. About 15 or so years ago I decided I would reread the Christian bible as it was supposedly the fountain of all truth. The longer I read the more appalled, I became. It is not a pretty picture of God painted by King James Bible. It is full contradictions and inconsistencies. Much of what it details cannot be historically reconciled. Much of what it details strikes me as unbelievable.
I put that book down and begin to make a study of other religions. I will not delude myself that it was an exhaustive or in depth study. I was after the core beliefs and tenets of the major world religions. I read about Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism. I read books about religion from an anthropological point of view. I read books on the history of religion. I was trying to get a feel for this thing that so engulfs the world. The more I read, the more incredulous I became. To read about other religions with a critical eye, is to examine your own with that same critical process. I did not see Christianity holding up any better than the others.
I will say that at the heart of most religions that I have studied there is a “Golden Rule” of some sort. There is a root of caring for others, especially the less fortunate. I would put this in the positive column for religion.
After that I begin to explore the atheistic tradition. At the core of my philosophical beliefs is “a live and let live” attitude. I told someone once that if they wanted to build a statue of GI Joe in their backyard and dance around it naked, I was good with that. Just do not try to suck me into your delusions. Atheists occasionally strike me as more intolerant than religious folks. Many are not prone to practice ”live and let live”. For me the secular, humanist view appears to be the most correct, but I do not think I should GI Joe anyone over to my point of view.
My trouble with most of the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) is that they do not practice my core belief of live and let live. Christianity and Islam are evangelical. Certain traditions of all three religions are exclusionary. People of all stripes are willing to kill others for “religious” reasons. Religious intolerance by people of faith appears to be the norm. This extends beyond the trilogy of Abraham’s religious traditions. I am most familiar with the Christian church. Its record down through the ages is not a pretty one. Parts of it have amassed great wealth and power. At various points in its existence torture and killing of heretics was the norm. It has been willing to side with tyrants to maintain its position. And I could go on.
The credits and debits of religion as a whole do not add up to a pretty bottom line. I have no way of knowing how it would really be, but I wonder if the world would be better off without religion. What would happen if we were to concentrate on making the here and now a better place?
For me I cannot get past Epicurus’ old questions, “Is he [God] willing to prevent evil, but not able? then is he impotent. Is he able, but not willing? then is he malevolent. Is he both able and willing? whence then is evil?“ The world is not a pretty place. Our existence is frequently full of pain and suffering. I was taught as a small child that God is a loving caring entity interested in me personally. What I see in the big, wide world does not jibe with that picture of a benevolent deity.
Having detailed all of the above, I understand the impulse to be religious, to seek something outside of you. I even occasionally envy people of religious certainty. I know that it must give them an inner peace I do not have. It is just not a place I can go.
Bottom line is that I have come to consider myself an agnostic. I am more on the atheistic side of that equation, but I do not believe that anyone knows for certain the whys and wherefores of this existence. In the long run, it is all supposition. I will continue to explore, but I am very comfortable with where I am at in my “belief” system. I no longer feel there is something wrong with me.
I know folks of religious belief that I truly believe are good souls, if there is such a thing as a soul. I have an uncle who is a retired Baptist preacher. I love and respect him, I just do not agree with his belief system when it comes to things religious. He has lived his life sincerely and according to his beliefs. He has sought to be a minister in the best sense of the world, as one who takes care of the needs of others. He has a daughter who is cut from the same cloth. If there are such things as angels, she would be one walking among us. She is sincere and strong in her faith, and if there is an intolerant bone in her body I have not seen it.
Finally we get to my stumble. We recently had a family reunion. The last event was to an informal worship service Sunday morning before we all went our separate ways. For reasons detailed above I feel participating in such activities is hypocritical on my part. I am not being genuine. My cousin asked me if I was staying for the service. I put my no on to my girlfriend. She is Jewish, and I indicated that she would be uncomfortable. The reality is that while she does not get the whole Jesus died on the cross paradigm, she is one of the most tolerant, accepting individuals that I have encountered in this life. She would have been more than okay with staying. I was not being genuine. I did her a disservice and I did a disservice to my cousin.
I am definitely a work in progress.
WE are all works in progress.
Amen
++
I specifically liked this:
[quote]
Bottom line is that I have come to consider myself an agnostic. I am more on the atheistic side of that equation, but I do not believe that anyone knows for certain the whys and wherefores of this existence.[/quote]
Ditto, Robin, we are all works in progress. The key is to keep progressing.
My David and I often have thoughts about the same catch 22. If you really are honest, you tell your family that you don’t believe in the same way when the mandatory church service comes around. But on the other hand, do you hurt your 92 year old mother’s feelings? I believe honesty should be tempered with kindness.
I see all humans struggling with the same issue. Selfishness. It is a form of powerlessness. We seek power in some form to replace this emotion within us. An emotion that we were born with, in my opinion.
The phrase born sinner is one that falls into this theory of mine. A newborn has no bad marks on their record, but will have as they deal with the powerlessness in their life.
This emotion of self centeredness is what I believe to be described in the bible as man’s fall into sin. We weren’t created this way, but were transformed by an action. This emotion became locked into our DNA. Emotion’s are who we are, and learning to deal with them properly IS a life long issue.
I have been taught by the people around me how to act in certain events. This is learned behavior. The bad in my life was amplified by my reaction to the emotion of selfishness. Cursing to get attention was most likely the first. Eating for comfort. Acting out in anger. Drinking alcohol, which I started at 5 years old by sips from my dad’s beer. I amplified these into lifelong addictions. These sins were handed down to me, generational sin. By the time I was an adult I had very little self control and added new addictions. One was drug abuse. It calmed that unidentified emotion within me. As I grew and learned the rules and laws of our society, I was able to lay the illegal activity to the side fearing the consequences of my actions. But returned to my core sins. By now the what I had learned during the wild times had modified these core sins. I accepted them as not being that bad or as bad as others I saw doing the same thing. But I knew they were wrong, I felt that in my core. And still do. I called myself a Christian from the age of 12 but didn’t live that way. Made me feel good to say it and pleased others who questioned me about it.
It took a death sentence in a doctor office to start me on the path of self awareness as to where I really was spiritually. Inner peace or no inner peace. I knew what I struggled with outwardly, but didn’t have a clue what were my inner struggles were. That has taken several years and a lot of work. The results is an inner peace that is unexplainable at times. My biggest growth comes from having a group of men in my life that I can confess my sins and struggles with. These men are safe to me and do not judge me when I fail. We are followers of Christ and the examples from the New Testament. I don’t read the King James as I don’t understand what is being said. And if I have questions, my pastor is good in Greek and will explain the original translation.
I personally believe this spirit that exists in human bodies does not die at the time of physical death. And will one day find out the truth.
As the song says, “It is all a big mystery.”
mercy me, this is a topic in my house a lot. I’m just glad to be alive and in good health. I am surely a work in progess forever and a day. The problem for me is, there is so many darn rules to living.