Randomness - Curmudgeon Alley

Rev. Joe’s Random Thoughts…yeah I know you did not ask!

#6,788: I’m not the only to notice this, but now days, normal sized people look skinny!

#3,555: If somehow I were magically to become God, the first thing I would do is to get rid of all religions.

#3,589: I If more drivers handled their vehicles like middle-aged men on motorcycles, the fatality rate from automobile accidents might not go to zero, but it definitely would drop dramatically.

#4,549: I just got back from Vegas. As I was strolling The Strip I began to wonder how a working girl could make a living in that town. There are so many young women getting their slut on that the competition must be fierce!

#7,072: Have you noticed that people talk about social media, especially Facebook, in terms of drug addiction? Anything thought about in those terms cannot be good in the long run. The question then becomes the same as for any agent that modifies our body or mind. Is the good it does more than the harm/side effects? No answers just the question.

#4,502: It seems like a natural disaster or personal tragedy brings out the best in many folks. A sense of community and shared responsibility, dare I say socialism exists. People are willing to go to extremes to help and give what they have for complete strangers. How wonderful it would be if this attitude caring and love persisted when our situation was less urgent.

#6,279: I used to have faith in my fellow citizens and democracy. With so many of those fellow citizens thinking that the narcissistic egomaniac, Trump, is a viable choice for our president that faith has evaporated. The man has the intellectual depth of a sewage lagoon.

#8,591: To all those wanting to build fences on our borders… Remember a fence works both ways. Just ask the folks of North Korea or the former East Germany to name a couple.

#3,903: One would think that Conservatives and Tea Baggers would be the first to have our Commander-in-Chief’s back. Ironically they are the first and most vociferous critics of him.

#996: I have become convinced that 90% of the world’s problems could be solved by doing three things. First, bring the human population down to sustainable levels, just not globally but in each area where there are far too many people for the land. Secondly, end the superstitious practice called religion, no matter what guise it is found under. Lastly distribute the wealth more equitably.

#6,510: Did you ever wish the path to wisdom had road signs?

#178: When did the Republicans decide that passive aggressiveness was a leadership style?

#8,016: I’m sure it is just me, but hipsters strike me as metro-sexuals trying to look masculine.

#3,403: If you are complaining about people whining, are you not whining also?

#4,074 : Have you ever considered that extension cords are at the core of their being…hermaphroditic?

#3,672: Our perceptions are so colored by our biases, our experiences, and our limited senses that it is highly unlikely that most of us ever really see reality. Perhaps our wise men are the ones that truly get occasional glimpses of reality.

#7,518: I have a dream that before I die will have an original idea or at least an original thought.

#9,215: We spend most of our life in anticipation, in looking forward, in dreaming of the future. Suddenly we crest some vaguely defined ridge or mountain and we are looking backwards. Some of us are regarding the past with regret, some of us with satisfaction, and most of us with a some combination of the two.

#9,477: The crow has the largest brain, relative to its body size, of any bird. Studies show that crows may be almost as intelligent as monkeys.

#2,465: I understand Ted Cruz. It is not a difficult thing to do. He is a nutcase… certifiably so. What I do not understand are the people of Texas that elected this nutcase to a Senate seat. That is beyond my comprehension

#8,060: I wonder if silent dog whistles are just regular whistles that failed in quality assurance???

#5,386: I’ve decided the phrase “Smart Phone” is really an oxymoron. People generally look less than intelligent as they wonder around with their faces stuck in their screens. How smart is to use your “Smart Phone” to text you and your car into a possible life ending accident.

#4,320:Not all things should use the capitalist/profit paradigm. One big one is pharmaceuticals. We are all already being taxed by excessive drug prices. Have the government support pharmaceutical research at the CDC and at various universities across the countries. They could aim their research dollars towards conditions most needed, rather than those that would bring in the most profit. Drugs could then be sold and manufactured for a reasonable profit, and not at prices inflated to “support R&D”.

#5,438: Can you imagine how much better a world this would be if folks cared for things that really matter as much as they do sports?

#4,994: Can you imagine how much better off we would all be if we gave up the myth that is the Horatio Alger story? We are all so concentrated on believing that we can go from rags to riches that we allow ourselves to not invest in community wealth that would benefit us all.

#1,394: What about next Congress has some “must pass” legislation, instead of slipping a rider that benefits only the fats cats and decreases our democracy, we tact on riders to benefit all of us. Perhaps something to reform the student loan program, and make college affordable; perhaps something that will help bring good jobs back to America; perhaps legislation to bring our infrastructure into the 21st century; perhaps a realistic minimum wage; perhaps a tax code change to decrease the wealth gap; I could go on an on, but you get the idea.

#8,309: Google knows me much too well. Of course, these voice recognition programs have a hard time with my Okie accent also. I’m driving to Tulsa the other day, and I want to find a western store. So I used the voice dictation function to enter into a Google search the following phrase: “western store Tulsa Oklahoma”. It changed that into “porn store Tulsa Oklahoma”. It must have been the personalization feature of Google.

#4,127: I wonder what it would be like to live a life that was not scored in minor chords.

#3,652: Is using a mulching lawn mower forcing your lawn to engage in cannibalism?

#2,880: I find it somewhat ironic that two of most listened to commentators on the American political scene are two comedians, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert. Too bad more folks do not adhere to their point of view.

#6,527: New definition for oxymoron: Using an Escalade pickup for a work truck. I saw one this morning with what little truck bed there is on an Escalade pickup loaded with construction paraphernalia. It as also towing a trailer. I cannot tell you one year from another on this vehicle, but I am assuming it was reasonably old as it was rusting out around the wheel wells.

#8,154: Fox News seems to be on everywhere. I actually think it is a conspiracy by businesses, but that is just me. Sitting in a restaurant with Fox News in the background I thought they should be forced to put a scroll bar across the bottom that reads “Not for human consumption”, much like offal going to the rendering plant.

#5,156: Gary McCord, the golf announcer, has this bit about naming his age spots. I thought that a fine idea, and started naming my age spots too. Quite some time ago, I ran out of names.

#3,956: I walked out the back door and looked around. I then said thank you Jesus for the beautiful flowers, the wonderful trees and the green grass. Jesus smiled and said, “De nada, volveré la próxima semana”, as he handed me the bill.

#4,575: I’m not much of a sports fan. I used to follow college football some, primarily the University of Oklahoma. Mainly because it is difficult to live in Oklahoma and not follow them, like it is difficult to not follow the Cardinals when you live in St. Louis. However, I have noticed a trend the last few years… guys who are not interested in sports and are not afraid to say it. It used to be that you were less than manly if you could not cite the latest win/loss record of whomever. What a nice trend. There is more to life that sports.

#4,453: Blondes – The ultimate public servants, allowing the rest of the world to feel superior.

#1,153: I passed an AT&T company car this morning going to work. I so wanted to get the driver’s attention, make the sign of phone by ear and then point at myself. I resisted the impulse.

#1,234: Definition of a politician: An individual who spends inordinately large sums of money to get elected to a job for which they are not qualified. Should they achieve this dubious goal the likelihood is that they will live up to the expectations of incompetence and/or corruption.

#3,124: I feel sorry (among other things) for those men in societies that treat women as second class citizens, as property, as less than human. How wonderful it is to have a co-equal partner to share the world’s joys and sorrows with. I can only hope that if they had even an inkling of an idea of what a gift it is they would change their behavior. However, social and religious pressures can be an amazing force for the status quo.

#3,470: You know you are getting old when the young ladies start holding the door for you!!!

#1,232: My morning routine when I first get to work is to go to the company gym. There I fill my giant economy size cup with ice and water, check my blood pressure, and do a series of exercises for my arthritic shoulders. This morning I am going through the exercises when a couple of BBW walked through the sliding doors into the gym. I had not heard the beginning of the conversation, but one woman avowed loudly that, “She did not take it off.”I so wanted to remark, “Sweetheart, then you have never had me sweet talking you!”Fortunately I remembered where I was at, work, and kept my mouth shut.

#1,088: If you have one earring in your left ear lobe, you are cool. If you have one earring in your right ear lobe you are gay. If you have two earrings, does that mean you are so cool you swing both ways?

#7,389: There are 3 species of hominids on this planet, men, women and teenagers.

#169: Call me old fashion… I am so tried of looking at people all tattooed up. I do not understand why anyone would get a tattoo in the first place. All too often in life less is actually more, and it would certainly be the same with tattoos. One or two maybe, it would draw a little attention and interest, and not overwhelm . I suppose I will continue to do what I do now, and look the other way.

#3,730:We are all 18 at heart. Witness the overweight, pushing 60 individual whose phone’s ringtone is a rock anthem from the early 70s.

#1,984: Casual Fridays…When middle age folks (and older) come to the office in clothes that make you want to poke your eyes out.

#4,234: Life is purposeless. Life just is. Anyone beyond scrambling daily to just meet their existence needs knows this at some level. Most folks do not acknowledge it. Perhaps this is actually the healthier response, to remain somewhat delusional. However it is this unacknowledged comprehension that drives so much of human behavior. The mass psychoses that are the various religions stem from this. The fanaticism of the sports aficionado is a symptom of this. You can add anything that pretends to provide or reveal purpose to life. Being a creative species we have concocted many.The question becomes what happens when this purposelessness is acknowledged. An argument could be made that this is a possible cause of depression, addiction, and a varied list of maladaptive behaviors.The more I dwell on it, the only sane response when you are aware enough to acknowledge that life is without purpose is to live in the moment, to just be. Another possible response when you accept this is to provide your own purpose realizing that ultimately your purpose is an ephemeroptera.

#6,787: Intelligent Design… If there were truly a loving, compassionate god, would he/she/it design a system of carnivorous might. The strong preying on the weak, biting through their jugular veins, and ripping them apart bite by bite. A system designed such that many of the males of the species will eat the young of their species if given half a chance. And so on and so on and so on …

#2,363: If there were truly a loving, compassionate god, he/she/it would allow us humans a graceful, peaceful, and respectful exit from this life. That happens occasionally, but it seems rare.

#1,273: On NPR this morning they reported that the Scripps National Spelling Bee had a tie for the first time in 52 years. The two eventual winners went through 25 championship words before being declared co-winners. Then NPR gave their names. I thought to myself that I could not pronounce let alone spell their names…Just for the record the winners were Sriram Hathwar, an eighth-grader from Painted Post, N.Y., and Ansun Sujoe, a seventh-grader from Fort Worth, Texas.

#4,956: I shared information about a blog article at party I was at with a fellow there. He asked me how many followers I had. I made some mealy mouth answer about writing for myself. What I should have answered was, “One, if I remind Robin.”
#1,661: Man is simply a machine for creating rationalizations.
#2,681: A person is simply the sum of his/her rationalizations.
#5,162: Some folks have proposed to peg the minimum wage to the CPI. I propose that it be pegged as an unwavering factor of Congressional salaries. Current Congressional salary is $174,000 per year. Assuming a work year of 2080 hours, that is $83.65 per hour. Set the factor 8.25 and we would have minimum was of $10.13.
#3,761: Facebook reminds me of a circle jerk. Everybody busy stroking their own egos desperately hoping someone is watching.
#1,452: Women are like cats. When they want attention you had better give it them, and when they do not, you had better leave them alone. Men… well men are just dogs!
#46: I am sure I am not the first to think of this…I just wonder how much better and less conflicted Christianity and western civilization would be if the Apostle Paul had gotten laid regularly.
#4,955: I wonder how much and how many times McDonalds has had to SUPERSIZE the uniforms of the employees in their restaurants over the years.
#3,020: We are born, we live, we die, and then folks pick through our “stuff” buying it for pennies on the dollar.
# 9,369: She was holding up the 15 or less line with nearly a full cart of groceries. (Why do the stores never say anything to these people)? Then when the clerk announced her total she acted like it was a complete surprise. It was only then that she started digging through her massive handbag looking for the exact correct change. Aggghhhhhhh!
# 1,424: They have started using a different brand/type of toilet paper at work. It is no more than 60 grit. It might be less. I may ask my boss if I can file Workman’s Comp or get a stand up desk.
# 5,876: I was feeling studly. I thought the sales clerk was digging on me. After all she seemed to be looking at me coyly. When I got back in ye ole pick-em-up truck I glanced in the mirror. There dangling from my left nostril like a clown’s red handkerchief was a bolus of desiccated mucus. So much for being studly…
# 4,209: I was buying a book of “forever” stamps at the Post Office. With all their financial problems I wanted to ask the clerk if they were going to be around long enough for me to use these “forever” stamps. I thought better of it.
# 5,651: A coworker had on a green Santa Claus hat. I started to ask her, “Does that make you the Anti-Santa Claus?” Some things are best left unsaid in the Bible belt that is the South.
#,8,799: Headline read: “What’s Behind Obama’s New Populist Tone?” My first thought was cynicism.
# 1,574: I don’t want to say she was overly endowed, but her breasts each had their own zip code.
#4,288: If you are standing at the urinal holding “you know what” while talking on the cell phone, is that technically an obscene phone call?
#8,594: We start off life with time moving a snail’s pace. We end life with it achieving hypersonic speeds, passing so quickly it all becomes a blur.
#9,610: Was Wal-Mart the lead lemming or the Pied Piper in the plunge we all took over the cliff when we moved our manufacturing offshore?
#7,938: I was wondering through Wal-Mart the other day, and I noticed how many folks were dressed in some version of exercise clothing, sweat suits. A large percentage of those wore the traditional light gray color. Made me think, that is really not that much different than Chinese peasant clothing we think of as pajamas.
#3,936: Let’s quit mincing words. Instead of conservative and ultra-conservative let’s call them what they are and replace those phrases with greedy and very greedy.
#9,082: A semi passed me the other day. On the back of the trailer they were advertising for truck drivers. The verbiage recommended to “Check our driver package”. I so wanted to insert an apostrophe and ‘s’ in there, but I had not the paint and he was moving too fast.
#4,948: Ever wonder where the human race would be if we worked as hard on quality of life technology as we do war technology?
#8,590: Apparently my portfolio was just climbing to new heights to take a suicidal plunge into the depths of Greco-Roman debt pool.
#2,941: Is it only in America where a restaurant can succeed by advertising that you will lose weight if you eat at their establishment?
#9742: Am I the only one embarrassed, maybe even crept out a little, to see a coworker the morning after having had a sexual dream about them? This is especially so when you cannot understand why you were dreaming about them at all, let alone with sexual content.
#1,955: If you are considered sane in an insane world are you really sane?
#8,625: If you have sired 4 children it is time to stop sagging. Pull those pants up to your waist and act like a man.
#6,921: Boobs as a fashion statement may be getting out of hand. I saw a 70ish woman with her blouse unbuttoned and cleavage all the way to her knees.
#3,020: I like my eyeglasses slight dirty. At that point they are not quite rose colored, but they do put a soft haze on everything.
#1,940: It only takes a single moment of lust to be a parent. You might not be a good parent, but you are still a parent.
#3,089: Now I am scaring myself. I just now noticed the strong scatological theme running through my randomness.
#8,637: I saw a very skinny woman on the back of a Harley the other day. For some reason that seemed so wrong.
#3,003: Sometime after a bowel movement, I think intelligent design my ass.
#8,927: Sometimes I feel like my life is one big déjà vu.
#7,072: It used be to look busy you were supposed to walk fast and carry a clipboard. Now days it is walk fast and carry your laptop…open.

#440: I would like to make a new zombie movie. It would have folks wandering around totally unaware of their environment. Their faces would glued to the screen of their smart phone. Their thumbs would be moving at the speed of light. Suddenly, the battery in their smart phone goes dead. They turn into a murdering machine until another smart phone is obtained. They resume wandering around aimlessly.
#9,449: If you are a non-pregnant woman and your stomach precedes your titties by a full time zone… it might be time to go on diet. This should apply to beer bellies on men, also.
#8,144: If you are too lazy to walk into the restaurant/store, should you really be going thru the drive-thru at McDonalds, Dunkin’ Donuts, etc
#3,418: She jumped out of the IQ line before they topped off her tank!
#4,918: How many folks would be driving if they had to pass an IQ test?
#2,104: How many folks would be driving if they had to pass an IQ test and a basic courtesy test?
#4,099: Ever get off the throne and think to yourself, “I really am full of shit.”
#2,850: What if the sex symbol Marilyn Monroe was really bad in the sack?
#2,639: Religion – organized mental illness; mental illness at the societal level
#5,494: I’m making a right turn into my apartment complex. I see two young men with pants sagging nearly to their knees about to cross the street . I slow down to allow them to cross. Their response was to walk even slower. One actually stopped in the middle of the street to pull his pants up. But then again how fast can you walk if the waist line of your pants are around your thighs and your shoes are untied. I was in my convertible and so wanted to say something. But with an infinitely recognizable vehicle I just kept my mouth shut.
#8,894: I just killed the largest cockroach that I have seen outside of a Florida no-tell motel. I smashed it into the carpet. At this point I wished I had killed it less violently and mounted its head on the wall.
#1,749: I’m in the supermarket and I have bought some Black Irish Lager. At least that is what is says on the label. The white women checking me out looks at the beer funny. At that point I say, “I like my beer like I like my women, the darker the better.” At that point she looks at me funny.
#7,571: You are driving in the slow lane. Someone speds up to get around you, and then makes a right turn, forcing you to slow down. It should be legal to shot them…repeatedly.
#8,154: Ever wonder if someone has snapped your picture and uploaded it to People of Walmart? Worse yet did you purposely pose for one in your everyday attire?
#9,075: Somewhere in Arkansas the bad boy of the PGA tour, golfer John Daly, is watching the Tiger Woods saga. He is sitting on his bar stool, smoking a cigarette, hugging a floozy (or is it wife number 7) and repeatedly saying, “Yes, Oh yes…”
# 7,890: Christmas, as practice in these here United States of America, is the calamitous confluence of Christianity and Capitalism. Neither of which I am fond. The history of this country could be said to a result of that same confluence.
#6,071: Being the geeky sort I go to www.random.org for their random number generator. This way the numbering of my random thoughts is, well, completely random. I plug in 1 to 1,000,000 as the bounds on the random integer generator. Then I got to thinking it is awfully egotistical to think that I will have anywhere near a million thoughts in my lifetime. Maybe I should start using 1 to 1000. Even that I suspect may be pushing it, especially if we are talking original thoughts.
#6,965: I’ve decided a new name for the Republicans should be the Rebukians. Same old tired tripe, no effort to compromise, and rebuking those that try to make a difference
#8,459: Definition of Panic – At nearly the end of your “meditations” in the stall of a public restroom you discover the absence of toilet paper.
#9,497: I discovered the rubric that my life story fits in…rags to rags.
#218: Having dissected a human I sometimes have problems with meat, especially smoked meats. It sometimes has a cadaverish smell to it. Not appetizing.
#252: The work day should begin in the afternoon/evening. Beautiful, sunshiney days should be about something else besides sitting in an office.
#1226 : Ever take a dump so big that you wished you had weighed yourself before hand?
#394: The brand new Wally*World in St. Louis is supposedly the second biggest in the world. The largest is in China, go figure. I was in there the other day for the first time and I wondered exactly how many trailer park mamas could be crammed in the store. BTW, still not enough cashiers.
Some Random Thoughts from Sister Lorie:
- #2,318: Getting some on the side — Did they move it?
- #9,445: Sleeping together — if you’re sleeping at the time, doesn’t that say it’s not all that?
- #2,898: Screwing — I have not noticed any threads in that particular area and it sounds rather industrial. I always picture the person on top, spinning.
- #3,637: Shacking up — This is what homeless folks do with cardboard.
- #2,814: Bumping Uglies — I have no words for this one.
- #8,836: Hooking up — Sounds like your car is about to be towed.
#3,476: They are always spinning when I get done with them.
#5,940: Don’t flatter yourself.
#3,983: “Autumn is the time trees come out of the closet.” When some asked me why I said that I remarked, ‘It is all the trees in drag queen colors.”
#845: I can just about guarantee that it was not a woman that first said, “Let sleeping dogs lie.”

#1,793: I rather die broke and be thought of as generous than die rich and be thought of as stingy.
#7,970: How come we always say falling down? Do we fall any other direction? Maybe in space, but that is more of a float and where is up and down there? Don’t even get me started on screwed up.
#2,941: If you double check something 3 times have you checked it 3 times or 6 times? Inquiring minds want to know.
#7,923: A friend just had a grandchild and reported to me that it was 9 pounds, 6 ounces and 22 inches long. How come folks always relate information about a new born like they had just caught a trophy bass?
#8,171: Saw a young man carrying the trash out at the old apt. complex. He was sagging. Pants were below his cheek line. Boxers were exposing more crack than a plumber. He was on crutches. Wonder if his trousers caused him to trip and hurt himself…
#3,188 Awaken in the middle of the night. Wonder what time it is. Squint at digital clock. It reads F10. Wonder if I have overslept or awakened in an alternate reality.
#7,624: Are winter tomatoes a crime against nature?
#6,963: Are ankle-high socks and long pants a horrible fashion statement?
#1,490: Is it obscene to build mega stadiums for millionaires to play children’s games while our children’s schools crumble?
#3,294: Is crazy to go to a cocktail party with all the finger foods and spend all evening shaking hands?
#9,540: Should you stay awake behind the wheel if you are the first in the left turn lane on a short light?
#8,794 Should you be wearing a crop top when your fat is rolling over your waistband?
#6,274: Who cannot understand how they can ship nice juicy tomatoes all the way from Holland, but what we get from the USA are these cardboard monstrosities.

Rev. Joe’s Random Thoughts…yeah I know you did not ask!

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