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yeah I know you did not ask!
I saw an article the other day detailing how women are knitting/crocheting bright pink 
hats that symbolize “pussy power” for the Women’s March on Washington in a few days.
What I think should happen is that they also knit hats with shriveled little penises for the members of Congress to wear as most of them are real DICKS. And one for Donald Trump whereby the size of the penis matches the size of his hands.
Talk about truth in advertising.
yeah I know you did not ask!
By the time Effingham Trump and the compassionate party known as Republicans getting done gutting social programs, people’s elderly and disabled relatives are going to be living in the basement along side people’s Millennial children.
I’m sitting in one of my teammate’s cube at work, a young lady with a satirical sense of humor. I am trying to show her something on the Internet on her tablet. The site is not coming up nicely.
She says to me with laughter in her voice, “Having a hard time getting it up?”
I reply, “Not yet.” Later I wished I had been quicker of wit and said, “Oh my God, who told you,” and buried my face in my hands.
Looking down her nose and across the top of her glasses she mockingly replies to this workplace appropriate exchange with, “You need to take that home.”
I was telling Robin about it later and she commented, “Well she started it, but her final remark was perfect and priceless.”
All of which reminds me of the Toby Keith song:
I ain’t as good as I once was
But I’m as good once as I ever was
To which Robin replied, “Amen.”
Robin just cracked me up so bad my stomach started cramping.
When we were in Mexico my flip flops broke so I started wearing a pair of hers. They are a little more colorful than I would normally wear, but hey I won’t see these people again.
What happened next I am blaming on my new footwear. I am getting a sushi roll, and while I am waiting for the young lady to make it, the gentleman behind me in line starts up a conversation. As I am leaving I swear he winks at me. Since I thought it a little funny, I told Robin about it.
On New Year’s Eve there is a big celebration at the resort. I see the gentleman again and I know for sure that he winks at me this time. Again I tell Robin.
We are going through Robin’s pictures this morning. At the resort they had set up a dance floor on the beach and Robin had taken a picture of the people dancing. Right there in the foreground was my friend. I point him out to Robin. Her comment, “Why he is cute!”
yeah I know you did not ask!
I’m at the dentist getting my teeth clean. The young female hygienist needs to move a piece of apparatus that is on a pivot from my left side to my right side. As she is doing so the vertical bar holding the tray bumps into my feet. She tells me, “I need a couple more inches.”
My internal dialogue responded, “You’re not the first female to tell me that.”
All which reminds me of my most frequent golf joke. When a putt or chip comes up a little short I have a tendency to say, “Just like my ex-wife used to tell me all the time, ‘another couple inches and that would have been pretty good.'”
yeah I know you did not ask!
We were riding in a taxi going from the airport in Cancun to the resort in Akumal, Mexico. Either in Cancun or Playa de Carmen I noticed a big Home Depot. It got me to wondering if there were American men congregated in the parking lot looking for day labor.
We just got back from a week on the beach in sunny, warm, friendly Mexico. I mention 
this because it is snowing and 16 degrees outside. About nine or ten days before we left I noticed that my wife (aka Robin the Beautiful) was sleeping restlessly. She was also mumbling during these restless periods. I could not really make out single words, let alone a coherent sentence. Sometimes I could pick out something that sounded like Getty, get or possibly Gertrude! And sometime there was a word that sounded like back. I thought maybe she was singing the Beatles’ song Get Back. I thought that a little strange as I have not known it to be one in her repertoire, but dreams are indeed strange things. She must have really liked the song because one mumbled bit sounded a lot like groovy.
We get to the resort in Akumal and the beach is beautiful and the staff very attentive. We spent the better part of every day from about 11 a.m. until 4 or so laying in cabana Continue reading “Bon Temps Roulez”
A few years ago Robin and I were on a road trip. We passed through Effingham, Illinois. Robin , who is apparently an escapee from an Improv troupe, fell head over heels in love with the word Effingham. Suddenly everything was Effingham. “What do you Effingham think you are doing?” “That is no Effingham way to act.” “I am Effingham exhausted!” You get the Effingham picture.
Recently we have started a new improv act, The Trump substitution game. Anywhere you would use an expletive deleted, we are using Trump. “You piece of Trump.” What the Trump do you think you are doing.” “You Trumping bastard.” (You Trumping Trump??) You get the Trumping picture.
yeah I know you did not ask!
Yukky Gross… that moment you realize your finger has broken through the toilet paper! Which is pretty much what has happened with this last election. Only I do not see any soap and water anywhere near at hand to wash the Trump off my finger.
yeah I know you did not ask!
With the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States, in retrospect the movie Idiocracy looks prophetic. Only this time there will be no Private Joe Bauers from 5 centuries in our past to come to our rescue.