Author’s note: As Jack Friday would say, “The names of the participants in this have been changed to protect the innocent.” That and so hopefully they will not beat the H-E-double hockey sticks out of me.
Last November my girlfriend, Gaia, and myself went to see the wonderful musician, Ellis Paul. We invited Apollo to come with us even though the music was not his beloved opera. Gaia and Apollo have been close friends for many, many years. While I have not known Apollo as long, I consider him a friend also. Apollo is perhaps 10 or 12 years older than Gaia and I. He is retired from a technical position with the US government. He is a very bright, a very Italian, gay gentleman. He is a kind, genuine individual. It is always interesting and entertaining to be around him. He is one of those individuals that seem to live life to its fullest, and he does so with great joy.
After a wonderful evening of music with Ellis Paul, Gaia and I took Apollo back to his abode. He invited us in for some cheese and wine before we ventured back to the wilds of Chesterfield. We visited for a while enjoying good wine and some cheese that Apollo had crafted himself. I went to the bathroom and when I returned the conversation had turned to circumcision! Apollo could not understand why it is so widely practiced in a non-Jewish nation such as the United States. Gaia at this point confessed that she had never seen an uncircumcised tally-whacker outside of a picture. Apollo related that it is not customary to circumcise infant boys in Europe and such was the case with him. Gaia then asked Apollo if she could see his schlong that was still in its natural state. This is the point where I decided that Gaia had too much wine. I’m as sure that Gaia did not really want Apollo to drop his shorts, as I am that she wanted to pick at her long time friend. But it was still time to go home. I thanked Apollo for his hospitality and grabbed Gaia by the hand and we returned to Chesterfield. 
As winter tumbled into spring, Gaia and I put on a small dinner party. We invited Apollo. We also invited a couple that we socialize with, Orpheus and Eurydice. They had recently returned to the hinterlands of St. Charles from Hades via the planet Corellia. It is not hard to ascertain that the Force is strong with them, especially Orpheus. Gaia’s neighbor Sappho had discovered the Isle of Lesbos late in life, and she had moved there enthusiastically. We invited her and her new companion, Aphrodite, to our little shindig. All and all, it was an interesting and diverse set of folks.
After we ate we gathered around the dining room table to play cards. The game was Phase 10. While Phase 10 is less than a serious card game, we were taking it lighter than usual. The card game was just an excuse to sit around and visit, and to eat and drink a little more.
Half way through the evening Apollo felt compelled to relate the story of Gaia’s forward request and my decision to take her home hastily. Once again the conversation turned to circumcised and uncircumcised johnsons. One of the gals asked another if she had ever seen an uncircumcised one-eye trouser snake. It was at this point the Eurydice volunteered that she used to be married to an uncircumcised pecker . That was close to a show stopper, but the conversation continued on the subject for a short while before going off on another tangent.
It is now mid spring and Gaia is riding around St. Louis with her grown daughter, Theia. Gaia was shortly to come visit me in the city by the Big Muddy with the Pyramid. She suddenly remarked to Theia that she had forgotten her balls, meaning bowling balls. Theia made a suggestive riff off of that and the conversation drifted south towards things relating to the male anatomy. Gaia retold Apollo’s tale of the evening after the Ellis Paul concert. She then asked Theia if she had ever seen an uncircumcised willy. Theia answered that it was an affirmative. I’m sure there was more to the conversation but those are pieces I remember. Not because I was there, but because Gaia related the conversation to me because of the ongoing theme in our lives of uncircumcised organs.
It is the morning after Gaia’s arrival and we are on the road heading towards Costco for some gas and shopping. Theia calls Gaia on her cell phone. I am hearing but one side of the conversation, but I want to join in so I make some comment about bowling balls and circumcision. I thought it would be fun to pick at Theia a little, but she seemed to be taken back a little. Somehow she did not think it quite right that we were laughing about circumcision. Shortly thereafter the conversation ended, and I pulled into Costco to gas up my chariot.
As I stood outside making Arabs richer, Gaia had opened her side of the vehicle and had turned 90 degrees in her seat to talk to me. Apparently she was not done ruminating about Theia and uncircumcised dongs. As couples sometimes do, she had forgotten that we were not alone. She was talking rather animatedly and somewhat loudly so she could be heard over the traffic. She made some comment about Theia’s take on uncircumcised skin flutes. Suddenly from the backside of the gas pump appeared a middle age woman who remarked, “That is about the strangest conversation I have ever heard at a gas pump.” She then hopped in her pickup and proceeded to drive off. Gaia was more than a little embarrassed, and I thought it more than a little funny. I am sure our huffy woman has related the tale many times by now.
Who would have known an offhand conversation about circumcision could have such legs.
With all those Greek names, I was surprised it did not have a tragic ending. Instead, the story just kind of……petered out.