Category: Matrimonial Log

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5786.103

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Well another birthday has arrived, putting my feet closer to the grave.

Last week Señora kept asking me, “what do you want for your birthday?”

I told her the truth, “nothing.”

This went on for innumerable iterations with my response being the same each time.  I really did not need or want anything.

Finally, maybe from a little exasperation from hearing the same question for the umpteenth time, I said, “a ménage à trois.”

I know that eventually Señora will stop laughing and pick herself off the floor… eventually.

One would think after this long on this spinning globe I would have learned, one would think.

Pray for me as I know she will get off the floor.  Sounds like a good time for me to go golfing.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5786.085

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

My office/man cave is at the top of the stairs, to the right. To the left is the master bedroom.  Frequently when Señora comes up the stairs she will see me sitting at my computer, but she cannot see the screen.  She will ask me what I am doing.

The other night she did so, and I responded, “watching porn.” The reality was that I was balancing our various accounts in Quicken, but apparently my response was the WRONG one.

I am still trying to dig myself out that hole.  Pray for me.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5786.020

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

In our bedroom, on my dresser, is one of those candles in jar.  It was originally put there as a decoration.  Over time it has morphed into a, shall we say, “signaling” device if one of us is feeling, shall we say, “feisty”.

A while back I was in such a mood. Señora was still downstairs finishing up whatever movie or program she was watching.  I had lit the candle, put on some soft New Agey music from my music server onto the bedroom television, set the screen display to off, and crawled into bed with, as Dickens might have said, great expectations.


Señora finally came upstairs and went into the bathroom to do her nightly ablutions before retiring.  Exiting the bathroom, she walked past the dresser, and without missing a step, she blew out the candle.  That shot that was heard around the world was my bubble bursting. Perhaps that was kinder than “not tonight dear, I have a headache”, perhaps.

Fast forward a few months.  I came home only to find that Señora was not there, running around doing this or that, keeping herself occupied.  I walked upstairs and into our bedroom and almost immediately noticed that the candle was no longer on the dresser.  Thinking to myself – can you do it any other way – well, I reckon that chapter of my life has passed into senescence.  I then noticed that everything on the dresser was out of place. Señora had been dusting in the bedroom, and had moved everything around, pushing the candle to the back behind a picture, obviously failing to return the items to their original and expected positions.

Whew, dodged that bullet… at least for now.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.089

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Sometimes I do good and I am not aware of it until after the fact.

I own three or four suits and probably more or less twice that number of sports coats. To be frank, I have never worn them a lot, and now that I am retired, I wear them even less.  I now mostly wear them when I go to funerals or weddings.  Which explains why I am frequently vaguely surprised when I put one these clothing items on, reach into the coat pocket, and discover tissues, or more likely, a travel packet of tissues there.  Not being much of a crier myself, I keep them in my coat pocket for Señora, who does cry at funerals and occasionally at weddings.

Señora had a good friend pass away recently. A woman 10 or Continue reading “Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.089”

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.055

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I went downstairs this morning and said to Señora, “What about fixing me some eggs for breakfast?”

She replied, “Are your arms broken?  I know you know where the skillet is.  You put it up last night after you washed the dishes.”

She went on to add, “Besides who do you think you are, the King of England, wanting eggs for breakfast. We’re not jet setters around here who can afford such luxuries.”

All of which reminded me of a story about my daughter from when she was in 5th grade:   $40 A$$

For an interesting comparison of egg prices: Price of eggs in Mexico

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.280

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Click on picture to see it larger

This is a picture I took of Señora gleefully experiencing a ménage-à-trois, well okay, a ménage-à-doobie, with two music icons painted on the wall of a cannabis store in Muskogee, by gawd, Oklahoma.

Of course, the person on the right is the legendary Bob Marley, the Reggae musician, famous for his advocacy of the legalization of cannabis and giant spliffs.

The cowboy hat wearing gentleman is none other than Continue reading “Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5785.280”

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.264

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I was feeling a bit romantic and I told Señora, “I just love you to pieces.“

To which she replied, “Then you should love ALL the pieces.”

Oh well, I tried.  Romanticism is overrated anyway…

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.262

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora was telling me about her day tomorrow, saying she was going to lunch with Bettina.  She then asked me if I remembered who Bettina was.  I did not.  She then went on to describe Bettina, expounding on the details of their connection, she explained to me that Bettina is the mother-in-law of the one of the twin daughters of the woman whose is the fraternal twin of Señora‘s sister-in-law. Got all that?  Señora then added that Bettina is older than her.

Then I boldly went where no sane husband should go.  I remarked to Señora that it is hard these days to find such a person, someone older than her.

As fortune would have it, the closest thing at hand was a sofa pillow, which she sent screaming my way at wrap speed. There was no need to duck, plus it gave me a shield in case other items were to follow.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.045

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I, more than likely, over did it a wee bit yesterday.  Besides being tired, my back was barking at me excessively.  Before Señora had left the house for her choir practice at around 1815 hours, I had taken a muscle relaxer. An hour or so later my back was still being less than polite, so I took another Flexeral.

I am chalking it up to a combination of being tried and the medications, but I went to bed earlier than usual, somewhere between 2000 and 2100 hours.  I was asleep when my prodigal wife made her way back to the hacienda.  When she found me asleep in the bed, she awaken me, gently to be sure, but still she woke me up. Indubitably, you will understand why I found this a wee bit irritating. I don’t remember how I responded, but in my best Clark Kent manner, I am sure.  I then rolled over and went back to sleep.

As this was not the first time, she has waken me in these circumstances, this morning I started ruminating as to why.  Generally, when I find her asleep, I simply back out of the room so as to not disturb her.  Or if it is late, slip into the bed as lightly as I can.

Then it dawned on me her reason, so I went searching for her, finding her on the couch,  I explained to her that I did not quite understand why she woke me up.  I then asked if she had some trepidation that I might be dead in the bed. She confessed that it was.  I suppose it would be minorly horrible to go to bed, only to find a cold, dead corpse headed toward rigor mortis laying next to you the following morning.  But sometimes a gal just needs her beauty sleep.

And that is how it goes sometimes in La casa de los viejos.

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5784.038

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

I am looking at Señora with great affection and tenderness in my heart, and I say to her, “You are so beautiful.”

To which she replies, “You need to put your glasses on.”

“I have them on.”

“Then you need to clean them, Caballero.”

“You know I clean my glasses several times a day.”

She won’t let it go and asks me, “when was the last time you saw the ophthalmologist?”

“My prescription is recent,” I reminded her.

“Well it is dark in here,” she went on.

“No, it is not, it is mid morning and sunny outside.”

“Obviously,” she remarked, still not letting it go, “you’ve been drinking.”

“Whenever have you known me to drink in the morning.”

“Well something is off kilter.”

Then I uttered the words, “You are right! Here is a paper bag, I think you know what to do with it.”

Pray for me, the doctors tell me I will not be in here too long…

And so it goes.

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