Category: Trials and Tribulations

Whatcha think, Joe was perfect?

Posted on

Gift Idea for Yours Truly

I see the above sign often around the St. Louis area.  Sometimes instead of Student is reads Permit. It just a small cautionary signal to other drivers about an inexperienced driver who may need a little slack.  Sometimes I have wanted one with the not so original saying: “Please Be Patient, I’m from out of town”

So I started wondering if that they made such signs/bumper stickers for “Senior Drivers” as it might be a good gift idea for someone I am intimately acquainted with.  No drum roll please, they do.
Do I need to put one  on all three vehicles, I drive all of them differently?  I pick and chose my places, but I drive my Miata, well, like a sports cars.  I drive my Tacoma fairly staidly, and Señora’s Outback even more so.  I about have the leaving the blinker on for miles and miles down pat.  I am not so prone to push right on red like I used to.  I’ve  recently quit looking at speed limits simply as suggestions.  Wonder if I could get an insurance discount if I had one of these on each of our vehicles.  Or maybe I should just be content that I am still driving at my advanced age…

Of course, I might need another sign that reads “I brake for rest stops.”

And so it goes.

 

Posted on

Yiddish for a Good Marriage

Senora when she gets upset or annoyed with me – yes, I know, hard to imagine – has a tendency to call me something in Yiddish.  Not knowing exactly what she is saying, although I am picking up on her tone of voice and expression, I just smile at her.

All o f which started me hypothesizing  that perhaps the secret to a good marriage is not understanding what your partner is saying… at least at times.  So far I have resisted the urge to test my hypotheses by going tit for tat with her using my Spanish against her Yiddish.

But I am wondering how you  do say, “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words never will” in Yiddish.

And so it goes.

Posted on

It is a wonder…

It is a wonder that I have kept any job.

In 2001 I took a programming job with Saks at their Information Technology center in Jackson, Mississippi.  It is a long story how it came to be there, I will not bore you. At that time Saks was the parent company of Saks Fifth Avenue, and three other department store chains.

The week I started the departmental secretary sent me an email requesting that I write a short blurb about myself.  She was going to put my “bio” and the photograph from my ID badge on the departmental bulletin board to introduce me to everyone.  I did so, she did so, but she failed to read  my expository remarks, simply cutting and pasting my profundities into her document.

Click to see bigger

A few days later she came to me all excited asking about what I had written, insistent that I “correct” it.  Unfortunately not every one gets my sublime sense of humor.  It might also be the reason that a year or so later when I asked her out, she was very adamant about having to wash her hair seven nights a week.

Just in case you cannot read the verbiage in the image here is what I wrote:

“David joined SAKS in February of this year. He came from American Electric Power in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is working as a Senior Programmer with Greg Kinsley’s IT Logistics Team. David has two kids and a granddaughter. They reside just outside Ft. Smith, AR. David resides in the Reservoir area.  His interests include golf, photography, fishing and backpacking. He volunteers part-time with the Frankenstein Laboratory of Experimental Humanity.”

And so it goes.

Posted on

Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,995

yeah I know you did not ask!

What is wrong with me?  Yeah, yeah, I hear you muttering under your breath that you have been asking that same question for much too long now.

La señora purchased a tin of pre-popped pop corn as a gift for my brother, James Michael Rush, CPA,  when he was here recently, visiting. He opened it, ate some of it, and drove off without it.  So I have been liquidating his gift, grudgingly of course, one handful, one bowl full, at a whack.

One type of pop corn contained therein, is caramel covered.  I have been taken these, putting them in a small bowl, shaking a few peanuts into the the vessel, and voilà, Instant Cracker Jacks.  This afternoon I found myself digging around in the bowl looking for The Surprise!

I understand that it is possible now days to engage the services of a therapist online.

Posted on

Shoes Did Not Get the Invitation

I was in the waiting room of a doctor’s office this week when a pharmaceutical representative came in, triggering memories of my father.  I only saw the backside of this gentleman as I did not notice him until he had pulled his trolley of samples up to one of the windows of the office personnel, and I went in shortly thereafter.  From the backside he struck me as very fashionably dressed.  His clothes appeared relatively new and of the current fashion.  To me, the current fad in men’s sports coats and suit jackets always appears as if Continue reading “Shoes Did Not Get the Invitation”

Posted on

Diminishing Trust

Like most Homo sapiens I hold contradictory views, opinions, modus operandi, etc.  One such area is how I regard and behave to others of my species.

In my personal life I have for several decades taken the position that I do not trust anyone until they prove to me they are trustworthy.  Perhaps this is an outcome of working for huge corporations and other large organizations.  There are always folks in these environments that are willing to do about anything to advance their careers.  A few times I have felt their footsteps on my back.  Add to the corporate office politics, the sundry disappointments in my personal relationships, and my base position is that you need to prove to me that I can trust you. And yes I am aware Continue reading “Diminishing Trust”

Posted on

Please, not in public…

Señora and I were running around the other day, remembering I needed a charging cable for my phone, we stopped by Wally World.  On the way out we passed a Christmas display causing me to “sing” out loud, somewhat sarcastically, “Fra la la la – la la la.”

Señora’s almost immediate reaction was to say, “You really should not do that in public.”

I disingenuously asked, “What?”

“You really should not sing in public,” she elaborated.

“I thought you liked it when I made a ‘joyful’ noise?”

“I do, at the house, not in public.”

“Well,” I said in a huff, “that is one of the meaner things you have said to me.”

“I am just trying to protect you,” she went on.

“Protect me from what?”

“I would not want to see you pelted with rotten tomatoes. It makes doing the laundry tough.”

“It will be a while before you hear me sing again,” I heard the pouting me say.

Was that a long sigh of contentment I just heard coming from Señora’s direction?

Posted on

One or the other…

I spent this past weekend in Memphis to play a little golf with a friend there.  I drove down Friday evening and we played Saturday and Sunday.  I hooked up with my golfing buddy Saturday morning at his house.  Because we were going to take his vehicle to the golf course I was rummaging around in my truck, getting out golf clubs, shoes, etc.  This is when I discovered my bicycle helmet in the backseat, triggering an idea for a little fun.

Before I went into his house I put the helmet on my pointy little head.  I then walked around inside his house  for a good 3 or 4 minutes without my buddy, his wife, their son or a visiting aunt saying a word, asking me why I had on the bicycle helmet.  I was waiting for the question, “Why are you wearing that helmet?” I was going to answer, “Because I have been golfing with Steve before!”  – Ba-dum-tssss –  I finally asked, “Is anyone wondering why I have on the bicycle helmet?”  Apparently they were not, perhaps they were practicing good manners by ignoring a faux pas by a guest.   I gave them my punch line anyway… tough crowd, at least they did not pelt me with rotten tomatoes.

Either I need to get a new set of comedy writers or dive deeply, searching my twisted, troubled, tortured, tragic, traumatized, tail-spinning ghost of a soul on how the world perceives it and me… or both.

And so it goes.

Posted on

Relativity

“When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.”

There is a current meme floating around with this Einstein quote. Investigating the veracity of the meme quote, one site concluded it was from a busy Einstein through his secretary to a bothersome reporter needing a quote.

What started my thinking of relativity Continue reading “Relativity”

Posted on

2 One sentence short stories

These would also work as the opening lines of much longer stories.  Selected Shorts, a NPR program, occasionally has a writing contest for stories of less than 300 words or so, anyway very short. These might be too short.

The Ceiling: A short story in one sentence

Wishing his nights were not inhabited by the demons of past missteps, the ghosts of lovers gone, and the general detritus of everyday living, he lay awake wondering how to get to the dawn.

Paris Dream: A short story in one sentence

She had dreamed of living in Paris her whole life, completing college successfully she moved there, only to encounter her first uncircumcised penis, immediately deciding that Schenectady was not so bad after all.

The first story obviously came Continue reading “2 One sentence short stories”