I have a hypothesis that is likely totally bogus, but I am running with it anyway. My supposition deals with older women and pets, particularly cats and especially small dogs. As a woman passes the age of fecundity, as she passes the period of child rearing she does not lose her mothering instinct, her need to nurture. Small dogs fulfill this role admirably. Small dogs are not so big as to overwhelm one, or so big that they take over the house. Small dogs are in most ways much easier to care for. They are frequently very loyal and loving to their primary care giver. Plus, many are as cute as the proverbial speckled pup under a red wagon. Another one of my hypotheses is that as the genders age, they become similar. I’m betting this one has a less of a chance of being bogus. One reason I think this is that you frequently see older men with small dogs. Perhaps they are walking them for their spouses. Continue reading “Pit Bull Christmas”
Slip and Slide Christmas
Time frame was the early 90s. My daughter Keely had been out of the home for 3 or 4 years. It was Christmas time. Now my ex-wife has lots of fine traits, but Christmas is 
not one of them. For her Christmas IS the time of year. I always said after she had completed her decorations (which seem to compound year by year) that the house looked like a bordello. She started buying Christmas presents sometime around August 1. For her Christmas is all about friends and family, giving, feasting and enjoying each others company.
I, on the other hand… Do you remember Ebenezer Scrooge’s famous line, “Bah Humbug”? In certain circles it is a well known secret that he actually stole the phrase from me in one of my previous reincarnations. Christmas IS not my favorite time of year. If I am in a really jolly mood in any one year, I just try to maintain and make it through.
At that time we live in Alma, AR. To help you locate Alma it is just outside of Fort Smith. Fort Smith is on the Oklahoma border Continue reading “Slip and Slide Christmas”
Juxtaposition
Robin has been on Prednisone for about nine months now. Prednisone is a very efficacious drug to use when the body is beating itself up. 
It also has many awful side effects. Among those are weight gain, mood swings, cataracts and hair loss. The list goes on, but those are the ones that Robin has experienced so far. The mood swings have been the most difficult for me to deal with. As a woman the hair loss has been the most trying for Robin.
At work the other day, we went to Old Spaghetti Factory as a group for lunch. There were about 20 or 25 of us. I accidentally ended up at the head of the table. As our waitress approached the table I heard her remark, “My, what beautiful hair you have.” I thought she was speaking to the young lady seated next to me. The young lady was looking at me, and I realized the waitress was talking about me. The waitress went to make a comment along the lines of, “It is amazing how many of the guys that come in here with long hair look like they stole it from a fashion magazine.” Or something along those lines. Of course, this amused all the folks at the table, a few of whom have teased me about my long hair in the past. There was some more teasing afterwards when we returned to the office. I have broad shoulders and it was all in good fun. Continue reading “Juxtaposition”
Opinion Bombs
I have friends of color. I have a couple black friends with ties to Ferguson. I have white friends. I have friends, who are conservatives and others that are liberals. When I say friends I mean real and/or Facebook. To
all of the above I could substitute the word friend with relatives. I mention this because in my Facebook feeds I get multiple opinions on the Michael Brown and Eric Garner cases. What has struck me most strongly is that there seems to be a strong dichotomy that is tending to break down along lines of color and position on the political spectrum. People are not so much discussing the situation as throwing opinion bombs at each other.
There was one posting on the Michael Brown case with a lot of reinforcing comments to the posters opinion of Michael Brown being a criminal. What struck me so vividly was the way the posters and commenters saw blacks. They were definitely “others”. They were a group separate from them, and something to be feared. Last time I looked we were all humans and we all bleed red.
I’m not the first to notice this phenomenon, that we do not discuss issues anymore. Continue reading “Opinion Bombs”
Southern friendly vs. Midwestern friendly
We were out with a group of folks a while back and I made a comment about southern folk being friendly. It was not 
meant to disparage Midwesterners, but one fellow did take slight umbrage. He replied that Midwesterners were friendly too.
All things are relative. Compared to folks in the northeast Midwesterners are extremely friendly. Having lived in all three areas I have some experience with the general friendliness of the denizens of each.
Perhaps the best example I can give would be the golf course. I have lived and played golf in the southern states of Arkansas, Oklahoma, Mississippi and Tennessee. It is not uncommon for me to go to a golf course by my lonesome. In the aforementioned states, I generally did not play by myself very often. Generally if you were a single someone would ask you to join their group. It was acceptable behavior to request to join a group that was smaller than a foursome. In a new area after going to the same course a few times, you tend to bump in the same folks. Pretty soon you have a group of golf buddies. Continue reading “Southern friendly vs. Midwestern friendly”
The Cookie Bowl
Once upon a time, back in the day, when my kidrens were still knee-high to the proverbial grasshopper, my arm could still be twisted to get me to attend Sunday church services. My son, David, must have been around 4 which would have put my daughter, Keely, at 8. We were living in Oklahoma City and we attended a Baptist church fairly regularly. Sporadically before the main sermon the preacher would have a children’s story. In the front of the church was a low stage with steps leading up to the pulpit. He would sit at the front of this stage and ask the children of the congregation to gather around him.
This particular Sunday he did that, made his invitation to the children, and off rushed our two kids. I do not remember exactly what the story was about, but it did involve a cookie jar and partaking of the contents unauthorized.
The preacher looked at Keely and asked her, “Do y’all have a cookie jar at your house?”
To which she replied, “No.” Then she brightly added, “No, but we have a cookie bowl and Daddy gets into it all the time.”
The whole church burst out into laughter and turned to see me slinking down in my pew.
Raw Okra
There is an unknown person at work who obviously has a garden. Occasionally they will bring in product of the 
aforementioned agricultural endeavor. Some of it is rather strange, a single banana pepper, a half a cucumber, a grossly misshaped tomato.
Last week this incognito agronomic benefactor brought in a small, yellow bucket of tomatoes. Next day there was a sign on the table in the break indicating that the tomatoes were gratis and to be taken, but please return the bucket. I laughed.
This morning there were a few “maters” and two stalks of okra on the break room table. I commented to a young lady in there, “That is rather strange, what do you do with just two stalks of okra?”
Her rejoinder was, “You eat it raw.”
“Raw”, I said, “I’ve eaten okra fried, boiled and pickled, but never raw.”
The lady replied, “They are crunchy like potato chips, but healthier.”
I had nothing to say after that. Anyone else ever eat okra raw?
Impaled on my own self-effacement
Impaled on my own self-effacement
I had worked on some reports for another area some 2 or 3 months in the past. The young lady (39 years of age) whose area it is had moved all but one of the reports into production. She asked my help this morning in moving the last report. I replied, “I would need to refresh myself with the report, as being 78 years old I do not remember what I had for breakfast this morning.” She looked at me funny for a minute and replied, “You’re not 78… are you?”
Sigh.
Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery
I was at the golf course the other day and I found myself singing —
“Blue despair and agony on me
Deep dark depression, excessive misery
If weren’t for bad golf, I’d play no golf at all.”
Hee Haw was a big part of my life when I was young, could you tell?
My Girlfriend Attempts to Poison Me
A few years back Robin and I signed up to take field class on identifying edible mushrooms in Missouri. I ended up with a conflict and could not make the class, but Robin went. She came back that Saturday evening with a bag full of edible wild mushrooms and a chest full of excitement.
About a week later she decides to go mushroom hunting on her own in a local park, Faust Park, which has several heavily wooded acres. She comes home again with a chest full of excitement and bags full of wild mushrooms. However, this time she did not have an expert teacher with her, and she did not really know what she had. She spread her bounty upon newspapers on the bar between the kitchen and the eating area. I had loaned her my mushroom identification book so she was hoping to identify what she had gathered. Continue reading “My Girlfriend Attempts to Poison Me”