Category: Randomness

Joe really oughta keep these to himself, but he what the hay…

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One More Time, Again

The operation into the jungle against the enemy stronghold had been a cluster from the git-go.  We were pinned down, no way to retreat. The flanking units were in the same situation or worse. We had repulsed two frontal attacks, taking heavy causalities.  It was doubtful we would survive a third. The Lieutenant belatedly called for air support. After what seemed like a gut wrenching eternity, we heard the screaming of approaching jets, and then the whistling of the bombs and explosions, explosions much too close, one after another. I heard a particularly loud whistling, and just before the blast wave hit me, I remember thinking, “Someone really f*** up the coordinates.”

When I became aware again I found myself prone on bare, pebbly ground, naked and cold. Continue reading “One More Time, Again”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,123

yeah I know you did not ask!

Flipping through Twitter I came across yet another selfie from a self-described “patriot”. This gentleman was overweight, shirtless but wearing a military style flak vest, and thrusting his assault rifle to the forefront of the picture so it would look bigger. The coup de gras for me was his tattoo.  From all appearances, a homemade job from a very drunk comrade displaying “Liberty” above an indecipherable line drawing  with “Or Death” underneath that. I’ve seen prison tattoos more artfully executed.

I am convinced that some organization or government is slipping a substance into the national beer supply. It is giving these “patriots” a deluded vision of manhood as a result of pernicious impotence. Given the imbibing propensities of Americans, spiking only 2 or 3 national brands – usually light – would do the trick.

Another good reason to drink imported beer.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #563

yeah I know you did not ask!

The other day I was at home, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt.  Needing to go to the store, I tucked in my shirt as it was cold enough to need a light jacket.  While I do it a times, I think it looks a bit sloppy to have your shirt tail hanging out beneath your jacket.

Upon seeing me with my shirt tucked in, admittedly rare for me, Señora said, “My, my, how fancifed you are. Where are you going?” Well not her exact words, but the sentiment is the same.

I’m thinking this retirement gig has lowered our standards a bit.

 

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,975

yeah I know you did not ask!

Señora for Christmas last year bought me a tear off calendar with daily puzzles. Most are fairly easy, but some require a little thought.  This is the one that popped up October 14.

Which one does not belong: 22  45  51  96

It was proof positive that 30 years of programming have warped my mental processes.  I looked at this, and immediately decided that 96 was the odd man out.  Why? We all know about 2 character state codes, AL, MO, AR, OK, MS, etc.  But there are many software applications that use a two digit state code ranging from 01 to 51, and for the purpose of these applications the District of Columbia being counted as a state.

When I looked at the answer I knew my logic had been twisted by bits and bytes.  As you are racing to tell me, the correct response is 22, being the only one when divided by 3 that does NOT result in a whole number.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,834

yeah I know you did not ask!

Watching TV this weekend while visiting a friend in Mississippi there were a brazilian advertisements for personal injury lawyers.  When you look up the meaning of ambulance chaser the phrase personal injury lawyer is a prominent part of the definition.  I began to wonder does anyone go to law school planning on being a personal injury lawyer? It seems me like such a cynical line of work, it is hard to imagine starting their education of law with such an outlook.

And so it goes.

 

 

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Double Takes

La Señora and I were driving on the north side of the St. Louis metro area when we passed a bar with a sign in the parking lot that read: Karoke – Vaccine Event.   Why not?

That same day driving home we passed a van advertising mobile windshield and chip repair.  You guessed it…  the windshield of the van was cracked.

And so it goes

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,811

yeah I know you did not ask!

When I was a kid in the middle of last century, we bought our gasoline at a “gas station”.  It was a business with gas pumps outside, awful snacks and cold soda pop inside, frequently with a garage attached to do minor repairs. These “gas stations” have all but disappeared,  I cannot think of one anywhere near our suburban St. Louis home.  Now days we purchase our fuel at a convenience store that has gas pumps outside, and not infrequently, a small tunnel car wash somewhere on the property.

I bought gas the other day at such an establishment, and needing to spend my anniversary present, I went in to buy a lottery ticket.   With laxer alcohol regulations in Missouri, many convenience stores are mini liquor stores.  Just about everywhere convenience stores are known for their large coolers full of beer and soda pop.  Other big profit centers for these businesses are tobacco products, lottery tickets and other associated gambling games, practically any type of unhealthy snack food you could imagine, impulse buys of such things as a packet of vitamins for an outrageous sum, in short nothing that you absolutely need or frequently should even buy.

Given that, perhaps we should change the name of this type of store from convenience store to con-VICE store.

And so it goes.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #3,356

yeah I know you did not ask!

I visit with people via Skype to practice my Spanish.  Two of the countries I “Skpe” to are El Salvador and Ecuador. The official currency of both countries is the US dollar.  This came about mainly because it was the most common currency on the black market and the governments gave in to a fait accompli. Because so many transactions are for smaller amounts of money, the US dollar coin, the Sacagawea coin that was so unpopular here, is very popular there, as the coin is more durable,   All of which got me connecting random dots in my brain.

Canada as far as I know does not have a $1 bill; at least all I have seen when I was there were $1 and $2 coins.

Stay with me I am about to get there…

It has been a while since I was in a “Gentlemen’s” club, but when I was last in one, it was a common practice to place $1 bills in whatever apparel was still left on the performer’s body, or barring that, throw the money onto the stage.

Thinking about this made me worry about the exotic dancers of our Canadian neighbor. The loonies – Canadian $1 coins – certainly would not stay inside a g-string strap, leaving tossing them at the ecdysiast as the only option.  Bruising must be an occupational hazard.

And so it goes.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,906

yeah I know you did not ask!

I realized a long time ago that for most of the big questions of life I would never have a good answer to or for… I’m okay with that.  I’ve accepted that big portions of this existence are just a mystery, and the best thing to do is accept it as so and live your life.

BUT – There is one thing I do want to know the answer to – Where the hell do socks go to, how is that I end up with so many un-mated socks?

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #7,667

yeah I know you did not ask!

I have a certain playful streak – well, certain folks say mean streak – that can come out at the oddest times.

Señora had an outpatient surgical procedure this morning. In preparation for this the nurse left us alone in the surgical prep room to remove her street clothing and to put on her the customary paper surgical gown.  It was one size fits most, nearly dragging the floor on Señora, containing sufficient fabric to wrap around her a couple times, being the petite thing she is.  As we all know, they tie in back.  I had the damnedest urge to tie the strings of the gown in quadruple granny knots.  Of course the surgical staff would not have messed with my knots for a nano-second, taking scissors to them without pause, but still…

I did pretend to be a grownup for that nano-second, and I managed to squelch the impulse.