Category: Randomness

Joe really oughta keep these to himself, but he what the hay…

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Aunt Katy Gives an Anatomy Lesson

steer-grill_48It was summer, and we were in Oklahoma again. Back from the east coast, and our urban life style.

It was early in the morning, and I was at Aunt Katy’s house. I was not very old, I’m thinking 3rd or 4th grade. She asked me if I wanted to go out to the ranch that day; they were going to make steers. That caught my interest as I thought steers came into the world the usual way; I did not know they were manufactured. Being an inquisitive child I asked her, “How do you make steers?”

She replied, “Well you know, they cut off their #%$”. I looked at her perplexed not understanding what #%$ meant. She proceeded to go through a list of slang terms for that portion of the male anatomy, with me looking puzzled the whole time. Continue reading “Aunt Katy Gives an Anatomy Lesson”

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Steak and Kidney Pie

steak-and-kidney-pieOne of my favorite stories about my mother involves Agatha Christie. When I was in high school she really enjoyed reading these mystery novels by the famed English author. Apparently, a popular dish in England and Agatha Christie’s novels is steak and kidney pie. My mother decided it sounded delicious, and one evening when my father was not going to be home for dinner she decided to make the dish. The fact that she waited until her husband was not going to be there will give the reader a clue as to what is coming next.

She found a recipe, and bought all the ingredients. I’m sure the steak and kidney were not cheap. She prepared the dish and put it before us unsuspecting guinea pigs, oops I mean boys. After a bite or two, none of us would eat anymore, and remember we were teenage boys aka bottomless pits. My mother became very upset, and began to cry. The funny part is after a bite or two of Agatha’s dish, she decide she did not want anymore either.

We never saw steak and kidney pie again.

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Dollars are essentially votes

Folks who know me realize that I like to get good value for my dollar.  Some folks have called me cheap.  I don’t think that is really the case.   I just remember a concept I learned back in high school economics.  Whenever you make a purchase, you are effectively casting a dollar vote for that product.  More to the point you are voting on the pricing of that product.  I just like to be careful with my voting. 

I was in Walgreens to buy a bag ice.  Yes it is a little high in there, but the combined cost of gas to the grocery store and Continue reading “Dollars are essentially votes”

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Save the paragraph

paragraphI am starting a campaign to save the paragraph. I may get bumper stickers printed up.

Email and other electronic forms of instant communication have done much to butcher and change written communication. One of these is the loss of the paragraph in such writings.

For me, at least, it makes some of these hard to read when they run for 100s of words without a pause or logically grouping thoughts.

SAVE THE PARAGRAPH

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Best Deal Auto Repair

Best Deal Auto Repair
5260 Elmore Road
Memphis, TN  38134

Dear Gerald,

I have used your services twice now.  I want to tell that I have been well pleased both times, especially so the last time.

As you know, a young woman with less than optimal driving skills damaged the front right portion of my 97 Ford F150 pickup.  Besides the obvious cosmetic damage there was extensive damage to the suspension.  Compounding the damage was the insurance carrier that this woman utilized.  Let us just say, that their business practices were less than optimal and in my opinion, borderline unethical.  Continue reading “Best Deal Auto Repair”

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Hanging from the back bumper

It is probably not entirely fair to say that Saturday Night Live patterned their character, The Church Lady, after my mother.  It, however, is not too far from the truth.  She is prim and proper almost to the point of being prudish.  Knead in an equal amount of operatic diva.  Sprinkle moderately with essence of OCD, being sure the flakes are evenly spaced.   Add a dash or two of Tabasco sauce.  That would be my mother.

A year or so ago my cousin died and somehow I ended up driving my mother alone to the funeral.  We took her car as she likes neither of my vehicles.  She complains about having to climb into my F-150 pickup.  Alternatively, she gripes about the lowness and smallness of my MX-5 sports car.  So we took her car with me driving.  And of course she has this whole set of rules Continue reading “Hanging from the back bumper”

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Michelangelo’s David

david_statue_webI have always enjoyed the statue of David by Michelangelo.  There are a number of reasons for this. First, it is a wonderful expression of human achievement by a master at the top of his game.  The detail is phenomenal and exquisite.  The statue looks like with just slightest of breathes he could come alive and jump down from the pedestal to begin a full human life. 

Besides being a beautiful piece of art, it depicts a beautiful human.  It appears that the granite “DNA” has co-mingled to form the ideal male.  While not gay it is certainly a male body that I appreciate and enjoy observing.

There is also a more mundane reason I like the statue.  The male sexual organ as usually depicted and photographed would make Man-O-War blush with feelings of inadequacies.  As a young man this wonderful statue made me feel “normal”.  Well at least in that one regard.

There is a Jamaican man that works where I do. For the most part he is very understandable, but occasionally his accent and my mish mash of accents makes communication a little less than optimal.  He came around one day asking if I knew the artist Dávid.  Not being entirely sure what he had just said, I asked him if he was talking about Michelangelo’s statute of David.  He looked at me funny for a minute then said, “You mean the one with the small penis?” 

Make room in your stall , Man-O-War,  I’m coming in blushing from head to toe.