Category: Randomness

Joe really oughta keep these to himself, but he what the hay…

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Wheelies at 70 mph

I’m sure it is a huge adrenalin rush.  Since they had on helmets I could not tell their age, but they were probably late teens or early twenties. This age group believes itself essentially invincible. Otherwise how do you explain some of their behaviors? 

We were headed east on I-270 in St. Louis.  The interstate here is 8, maybe 10 lanes across.  It is generally heavily traveled with the traffic moving between 60 and 70 miles per hour.  In the west bound lane were three kids on “crotch rockets”, those motorcycles that are essentially racing bikes made street legal.  As they were passing the other traffic, two of the riders were doing wheelies. 

I have seen this behavior before in Tulsa city traffic.  The stupidity amazed then, and it still amazes me now.

Perhaps they should pass a law.  If you do wheelies on one of these contraptionson on public roads then you are deemed too stupid or too irresponsible to own one. They then impound your machine, sell it, and give the money to a non-profit that works with folks made paraplegic from motorcycle accidents.

Or maybe we should just let genetic selection takes its course and let them opt of the the gene pool.

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IQ Test for Driver’s License

A while ago I riding somewhere with a friend.  Another driver did something totally inane.  My friend began growling angrily about the driver’s intelligence. 

I remarked to him that you did not have to pass an IQ test to get a driver’s license.  If you did there would probably be half the cars on the road  as there are now. 

I thought about what I had said for minute then added that if you had to pass a courtesy test the roads would essentially be empty.  I’m not excluding myself from the last category.  There is something about being behind a steering wheel that seems to turn seeming nice folks into thugs.

Until they institute such test, buckle your seatbelts.

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Every Time I Went to Kiss Her

When I was a young teenager my father had a hi-fi stereo, state of the art. We boys were not supposed to touch it, but of course we occasionally did. In my father’s LP collection was a comedy record that we had been explicitly charged with not listening to…under any circumstances. That ranks right up there with waving the old proverbial red handkerchief at “el Toro”, with telling Brett Favre he should retire, or Mt. Everest beaconing Sir Edmund Hillary. It became a challenge. I had to hear that comedy record. Continue reading “Every Time I Went to Kiss Her”

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Open Season on The Young Rev. Joe

Outsized would have described my Uncle Sam, my Aunt Irene’s husband.  He had an outsized personality, and he was prone to tell outsized tales of questionable veracity. He was physically a big man. I do not know what his height was, but he always seemed taller than my 187 centimeters. He was a man who loved to eat, and his weight showed it. He was just a big man.

Run, David, Run...Although I never thought about them, he had one physical characteristic that apparently bothered him. It was his ears. They did not quite stick out 90 degrees from his head, but they were definitely more of an obtuse angle than the usual acute.

My cousin Perry inherited his ears. When Perry was 12, he had plastic surgery to go from obtuse to angular in the pinna department. Shortly after the operation he and his mother, my aunt, were visiting at our Grandmother’s house.

Continue reading “Open Season on The Young Rev. Joe”

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Sexy Defined

Another story for the grandkids…about grandkids. 

When my son was around 3 or so we were all at my mother’s house for dinner.   My mother is very strict about manners and all the grandkids knew that unquestionably.  They all tried their darnedest (at least at that point in their young lives) to avoid a run in with Grandma about manners.  My son burps, and we all look at him expecting an “excuse me”.   He looks back at us and says, “It was the burp bird in my pocket.”  What you do after that?  

We did not know it then, but that incidence was a good foreshadowing of my son’s future personality. 

Fast forward 30 some odd years, Continue reading “Sexy Defined”

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Another Question of Etiquette

Speaking of tastelessness (mine), I have another etiquette question.

I was at a function the other night that mostly outside, bar-b-queue, cold beer, music.  It was in association with a local club on Ferris Street in Jackson, Mississippi (I just love spelling that word out).  There were more than a few scantily dressed young women with required tops that revealed most, but not all of their bosoms.  Oh hell, tits.

At one point when I was at the bar trying to get some chips, well beer, there was one set particular close and distracting.

My question of etiquette is this.  Would it be wrong on my part to look her in the eye and say, “Dang, I wish I had some beads”?