Category: Randomness

Joe really oughta keep these to himself, but he what the hay…

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Why Do I Write?

Why do I write?

Good question!  I am fond of telling folks that my blog has a dedicated readership in the low single digits.  That enumeration includes me, my girlfriend’s sporadic browsings, and couple of other folks that on rare occasions pursue my ramblings. At one point I had a fantasy that some of my articles would spark other folks to comment and generate some discussions.  Like so many of my dreams and aspirations in this life that has never really materialized.  I am okay with that at this point.

I suppose I write with an audience in mind, Continue reading “Why Do I Write?”

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“Hello…Hello…”

I was in line at Walgreens.  In the other line were a mother and her son who appeared to be around 5.  I first noticed them because the boy was yammering and his words were not quite making sense.  They were Asian, and I thought at first he must be speaking a western rim language.  As I listened closer the English came into focus.   I did have the impression that English was not the mother’s native language.

The boy was lobbying for some candy or toy.  One can only assume that marketers do not have children or are sadists.  Why else would they place such things at eye level of children?  It is Pavlovian destiny that the child will begin to try and close the sale when they see such things.

The mother had indicated several times that she was not going to purchase whatever item the son wanted.  At this point she was ignoring him and I had pretty much done the same to them.  My attention was suddenly jerked back to them by the youngster saying in a loud, obnoxious voice, “Hello…Hello…”

I decided right then I would have probably gone to jail as I would have backhanded the kid across the store.

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I see you smoke…

One story I have shared with many folks over the years is about my Aunt Peggy. She had some cards, may still have some for all I know, that she carried in her wallet.

Upon the cards were the words, “I see you smoke, well I chew. If you do not blow smoke on me, I will not spit on you.”

I never saw her hand it to anyone, but I am betting that she did from time to time. It was certainly a nice, humorous way to get your point across.

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Young Man vs. Old Man

What is the difference between a gray hair interacting with a woman and a young flat belly?

Young man says:  You’re a goose.  You woke up in a new world every day.
Old man says:  I love your sense of amazement.

Young man says:  You’re an f**** idiot!
Old man says:  I had not thought of that, may I consider it while?

Young man says:  You’re a know-it-all.
Old man says:  You are so knowledgeable, dear.

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Sit, God

When I was in high school in the 60s I lived in Rhode Island.  Down the street from us were some older folks, probably early to mid twenties.  They would definitely qualify as hippies.

They had an absolutely gorgeous Siberian Husky.  The dog had the most amazing blue eyes that penetrated right through your soul when he looked at you.

At least one of the couple must have been dyslexia as they named their dog, God.

You would hear them on the porch calling for the dog, “Here, God,  come here, God.”  If you were in their house occasionally would hear, “NO, God,  off the furniture.”  Sometimes it was “Sit, God” or a “Stay, God”.

Funny thing is though with those piercing blue eyes you did wonder…

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To Executive Director – Gastro One

To Executive Director – Gastro One

First let me say that I had no issues with the medical procedure or the staff.  The staff was all friendly and very professional. I don’t know what you are paying the nurse in the recovery area than monitored me, but you should double her salary.  She makes y’all look extremely good. 

My issue is with your scheduling.  Overall I felt like just another widget in one of your profit centers.  I would bet a house payment that your bean counters know with seconds the average time and the range of standard deviations from that time for each of your procedures.  That fact really leads me to question your scheduling practices.  Continue reading “To Executive Director – Gastro One”

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Okay, how old am I?

This morning was the morning of my colonoscopy.  No problems, after a year of arm twisting from my Internist I went for the screening procedure.

My girlfriend drove me there and waited with me, and then waited for me.  As I was waiting my turn, for some reason behind my paper I begin to make fart noises.  My girlfriend chided me telling this was not an appropriate place to be doing that.  I cannot think of a better place myself. Continue reading “Okay, how old am I?”

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Another Annoyance of Life in the 21st Century

You are walking through a building and you see someone you know.  You are approaching each other at right angles.   You smile, wave, say hi; invoke some method to acknowledge their presence in the universe.  They responded weakly in the same or similar manner.   

As you pass each other you hear them speaking so you turn and indicate that you did not quite pick up what they just said. 

They turn and look at you in an annoyed manner,  indicating that they are talking on the phone. 

Sorry, I did not see the Bluetooth tucked beneath your hair.

I remember several years ago when these devices first became popular.  I was in the San Antonio airport returning from a job interview.   It was the middle of the week so there were a lot of business travelers.  It seemed that just about half of them had Bluetooth earpieces.  As they walked around talking on these things the little lights were flashing.  What immediately came to mind is from Star Trek: The Next Generation, “We are Borg, you will be assimilated.”

I think we are well on our collective way.

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Random Thought # 762,514

…yeah I know you did not ask!

A while back I was watching Monster’s Ball with a girlfriend.  The scene came on where Billy Bob Thornton is in a motel room with a local “lady” of the evening.  The act was very impersonal with the hooker acting like they were chatting over coffee. It was definitely going to be one of those cases of a mini rate for a mini stay.

The girlfriend asked me if that is how it was.  I replied that I had no idea since I had never engaged professional services for that area of my life.  And I have not.

I have since ruminated on that conversation.  If I ever got to the point where I was so horny that I thought I needed those services, it would probably be over so quickly as to make it not worth the money spent.  Plus the Scottish in me would not allow me to pay for something I could take care of myself. Please don’t tell Christine O’Donnell. She might have to place me on a Wiccan altar and have a midnight sacrifice/picnic. Cream with your coffee, Christine?