Category: Randomness

Joe really oughta keep these to himself, but he what the hay…

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #4,439

yeah I know you did not ask!

I’ve been using the disposable fiber face masks like you buy in the first aid section of Wal-Mart for most of the pandemic.

I’ve been wanting to get something a little more stylish so when I was in Wally World the other day, I went looking for the black cloth face masks that are so popular.  I found a big display of them made by Hanes at a reasonable price.  The box stated “Fits Most”.

When I got home I broke open the box and tried one on.  It was much too small for me.  I reckon all the people who have been telling me for years that I have a big head were right!

However prominent proboscises are de rigueur on both sides of the family, and my own is a fine example of this family trait.  Add to that the fact that my chin usually precedes me into a room…  well come to think of it I do have a big head.

Reminds me a bit of the old Jeff Foxworthy joke of the man who had big ears, a big nose, big hands and big feet,  he was so ugly he better be packing.

Ba Dum.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #234

yeah I know you did not ask!

Just before you cross the Mississippi River on I-255 there is big billboard advertising a Mexican restaurant on the Illinois side.  What grabs my attention every time  is the huge statement declaring that they have “The freshest margaritas on either side of the river“.

I have never thought of a margarita as being either fresh or stale.  Perhaps frozen or on the rocks, salt on the rim or not, made with top shelf tequila as opposed to under the bar instant hangover rotgut, but never as fresh or stale.

I finally decided what a fresh margarita must be is one served by a sassy señorita in a too short skirt.  I just may have to check out their beverage claims.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,094

yeah I know you did not ask!

People have been telling me for years that I look like Sam Elliot.  I even had a complete stranger at a Quick Trip in Tulsa, OK walk up to me to tell me I looked like him.  I absolutely do not get it, but I take it as a compliment as I know he is considered ruggedly handsome.

Another trait that Sam and I share in common is a low, deep voice.  However, his is a million dollar fine instrument, mine is more in line with a cheap kazoo from an arcade claw machine game.   Thinking of the voice similarity, the low, deep part, I begin to wonder about something.  The enchanting Señora Weinhaus frequently  “tells” me to speak up as she cannot hear my low, deep kazoo of a voice.  I wonder if Sam Elliot’s wife tells him same thing???

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,943

yeah I know you did not ask!

Everyone has heard of the “five second rule”, if a piece of food falls to the floor you have 5 seconds to pick it up before the germs attack it.

This morning I thought we need to modify this formula a wee bit.  The length of time that is available to pick up the food item is directly proportional to the the perceived goodness of the food.  To illustrate, a lima bean would be trash while it is still a foot from the floor.  A chocolate chip cookie would still be good after resting 20 or 30 seconds on the same floor.

I suppose if will really wanted to be scientific about this we would need to add a couple variables to the equation. One takes into account the cleanliness of the floor.  A kitchen floor immediately after mopping with ammonia water would be close to zero.  A well trafficked floor in a third world bus station would be pushing 1.  We would need another variable for the stickiness of the food.  Our chocolate chip cookie would again be close to zero and a limp, damp, overcooked piece of asparagus would be pushing 1.

If you are OCD  and really want to know what studies have been done on this, here is an article from WebMD:     ‘5-Second Rule’ Rules, Sometimes

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,275

yeah I know you did not ask!

The Wee Dog has a tendency to sleep on the foot of our bed, usually very close to my feet. Occasionally she will pop herself between the snoozing Señora Weinhaus and myself.  In the winter time it is not uncommon for her to weasel her way under the covers to the foot of the bed.  It is a mystery to me as why, in 7 years, she has not been kicked or turned into a pancake.

Last night she was at the foot of the bed on top of the covers.  I must have kicked the covers off my feet as I was awakened around 3 in the morning by the Wee Dog licking my ankles. At first I thought Senora had developed a foot fetish, then I realized it was Lily.  She must have become disoriented in the night and could not find her derriere and my ankles seemed the next best thing.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #3,171

yeah I know you did not ask!

Here is something I thought I would never have to do.  I was speaking to a young woman via Skype to practice my Spanish.  She lives Coca, Ecuador, a city of 40,000 in Amazonian jungle whose primary business in oil.  We had a long, rambling conversation about politics and the upcoming election in the United States.  She apparently has another student who is younger than her (she is late 20s) and a big supporter of the Orange Monster.  He is absolutely convinced that Putin’s Bitch is a man of the people and will win the election. He had told her that all his young friends are of the same opinion.  I did my best to dissuade Micaela that this is not the common position.

At the end of the conversation I did something I never would have thought I would do… I asked a person living in a small South American country to pray for my country.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,901

yeah I know you did not ask!

It occurred to me that the Republican Party and Trump’s Cabinet are very similar to a group of friends partying at a bar.  One of their number is so drunk he can barely walk.  He decides to leave, stumbling to the door with his car keys in hand, and no one bothers to stop him.  No one offers to give him a ride home. No one offers to call him a taxi.  No one takes his keys away.

That head on collision was bound to happen since the people who could have taken action, did not.

Keep well.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #9,667

yeah I know you did not ask!

Outside our kitchen window is one of the back yard gardens.  In this garden there are several bird feeders.  On our patio there is also a hummingbird feeder as well as 2 or 3 birdhouses that are sometimes occupied.  Frequently there will be several different species of birds  taking advantage of the feeders.  On the ground below the feeders, dining on the unopened sunflower seeds that the feeder savvy birds have dropped, can be seen mourning doves, grey squirrels and on rare occasions, a chipmunk.  Not uncommonly, hummingbirds are in the area and other birds are in the vines that weave their way through the trellis overhanging the patio.

While standing at the kitchen sink looking out at this tableau I know I have seen Snow White with a blue bird on her finger… or perhaps the coffee was just too strong that particular morning.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,846

yeah I know you did not ask!

Something triggered this memory today, I am not sure what.

Several years ago I started my Spanish learning journey by taking a night class at the local community college.  I did this for 3 reasons.  First, I did have a desire to learn the language.  Secondly, I was in St. Louis working a programming contract with Edward Jones. I knew absolutely no one in town.  I thought this might be a good way to meet people, and it certainly was a better way to spend my evenings than sitting home watching TV.

At the first class meeting of my first Spanish class, the teacher did what a lot of teachers do in this situation.   She went around the classroom asking people to introduce themselves and tell why they were taking Spanish.

The reader might need to know that at my heart I am  a bit of a smart aleck, and I have been told on more than one occasion that my “sense of humor” is exceeding dry.  That is foreshadowing in case you do not recognize it.

The Spanish teacher came around to me.  I introduced myself.  I then proceeded to add that the reason I was taking Spanish was because the voices in my head  were speaking in Spanish and I wanted to know what they were saying.  To me this was knee slapping funny, but it was greeted with dead silence in a room of 25 souls.  The teacher looked at me with a panicked expression on her face and quickly moved on to the next student.  It still makes me grin when I think about it.

Just as an aside, I did not find taking courses at the community college a good way to learn a language.  At least at St. Louis Community College in the adult education section they have a 10 week program whereby you meet once a week for 2 hours.  The teacher to student ratio is somewhere around 20 to 30 to 1.  It decreases as you take more advanced courses.  The problems are several, but primarily it is the 10 weeks between courses.  If you took all three sessions, fall, spring and summer, you would have 30 weeks of classes with much time in between.  2 hours a week to learn a language is better than nothing, but not much.  There is little to no coordination between the Spanish teachers on the course content.  There is very little opportunity to actually speak the language in the classroom. Frequently the teacher is not a teaching professional, but a native speaker of the language.  The native part is good, but  there needs to be some degree of education on the teaching method.  I could go on.  I took most of the Spanish courses they offered, but in retrospect it was not a good use of my learning time.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,864

yeah I know you did not ask!

I scared the bejeebers out of myself this morning.

We were at some folk’s house and I was nonchalantly flipping though a magazine.  As I was about to flip the page I noticed an ad.  It had a picture of a middle-aged women with a mature but very nice figure.  She was in nothing but a bra and panties.   I idly thought, “That is a nice looking woman.”

Suddenly I realized it was an advertisement for Depends!!!

Ouch!