Category: Rev. Joe Dirt’s Ramblings

The unsolicited, unreasoned, uninformed, unapologetic opinions of Rev. Joe Dirt

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #6,629

yeah I know you did not ask!

I want to add a new phrase to the lexicon, that being the “Amazon peek“.

We have not had problems, that I have heard of, with porch pirates in this neighborhood.  And I know that from some delivery entities I receive emails when a package is out for delivery and another when it has been delivered.  And I have a built in loud and insistent announcer of strange happenings in our yard in the form of a fierce 15 pound heap of fur named Lily. Brave is the delivery/postal personnel  that comes to our front porch .

But I still find myself peeking out the front door to see if Amazon/Walmart/USPS/FedEx/UPS has delivered whatever urgent item I have recently decided I could not do without… and 2 dang days is too freaking long to wait for any package anyway.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #7,132

yeah I know you did not ask!

One of the things I have been doing to pass the COVID-19 slow down is revisiting a lot of the science fiction novels I read years ago.

I’ve been focusing on other authors, but I have also started to reread Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Barsoom series.  Just in case you do not know, these are 11 short novels involving an earth man from the 1860s, John Carter, who is transported to Mars by mystical means.  There he weds a fabulously beautiful princess and has all sort of swashbuckling adventures involving much sword play and mountains of corpses.

Reading his novels I begin to feel sorry for authors that followed him.  If any individual adjective has a finite number of times it can used across the space-time continuum, then Burroughs has certainly used more than his fair share.  This leaves a dearth of available adjectives for those authors who wrote after him.  But then again not putting one or more adjectives with every noun might  not be a bad thing.  Perhaps by forcing this scarcity of adjectives it was a blessing for the readers of those subsequent writers.

Be well.

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Presidential Monkey Poop

First, let me confess that sometimes my mind makes strange connections…

Señora has not been feeling well the last few days.  This morning she was staying in bed and passing time with her smart phone.  She had leaned over the precipice and fallen, careening wildly, into the YouTube rabbit hole. She was watching a video of the Jimmy Kimmel Live show from 2017.  This particular segment was Clip of the Year, showing various short videos that went viral . As I came in with fresh coffee, the venturi effect took hold and I was sucked down with Alice.  Unable to fight the maelstrom I just entered,  I watched this one video with her.

My favorite was of a sports star from Europe or Africa that was receiving an award.   He was remarking on how glad he was to receive it and was thanking various folks.  He then went on to thank his wife and girlfriend. Realizing what he had just said, he gave the classic double take. He then worked diligently to backtrack that comment and only thank his wife!

The winner was a clip of a monkey who threw his poop and nailed a zoo goer right in the nose where the poop stuck. Ouch!

There were also a couple clips of Trump.  In one he tried 2 or 3 times to pronounce Puerto Rico correctly, never succeeding. And then… was the much seen clip of him throwing paper towels to people when he visited Puerto Rico after the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria.  For some reason it struck me as much the same as the monkey nailing the tourist with poop.

If you want to see the video here is the link:  Jimmy Kimmel Declares Viral Clip of the Year 2017

Keep well.

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Definition of Panic

You are backpacking in the Ozark National Forest in north central Arkansas.  Since it is 0230 you are in your tent.  Because the ambient temperature is plus or minus 2 degrees of the freezing point of water, Fahrenheit, you have your down mummy sleeping bag zipped all the way up.  In fact you have the cord on the hood portion cinched up so that all that is visible is your very manly proboscis.  Because you are 68 going on 79 you have just woken up with an extraordinary Continue reading “Definition of Panic”

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Funny? or to the point?

This last weekend my brother Mike and I hiked the extended Sylamore Creek Trail in Arkansas.  The original trail was around 14 miles and I have hiked that section multiple times.  They have extended the trail by 9 miles to connect with the Ozark Highland Trail.  We hiked from the top of the new extension that starts at Cripple Turkey Trailhead in a southeasterly direction to Allison Trailhead.  I picked this direction as it is “generally” downhill.  However, if you have ever hiked in the Ozarks you know you spend your time going up then down, up then down…

At Allison Trailhead the first or last thing you need to do is ford North Sylamore Creek  about a mile or so before it enters the White River.  I have never made the ford without having to take off my hiking boots and sometimes more.  This is the same ford that Robin lost her panties while crossing, but that is a story for another time. This weekend it was only a little above my knees.

As we were getting out of the creek crossing we encountered a elderly man, a younger man and a child of 4 of 5 years of age.  The elderly man made some comment basically wanting to know what we had been doing.

I replied, “We are just finishing up a 23 mile hike.”

To which he replied in his slow Arkansas drawl, “Must have been a tough one!”

Keep well.

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Chat with Ken Lee, Author of Voices from the Bible: An Anthology of Single-Character Plays

I have a friend, Jeanne Felfe,  who writes novels and short stories.  She also works with other authors to edit their work and aids them in bringing their books to the self-publishing marketplace.

She recently completed her work with one such individual, Ken Lee, and his book Voices from the Bible: An Anthology of Single-Character Plays

Long time readers of my blog will know that this is the type of book that would make me do an 180 and run off like a horsefly bitten colt. BUT I do know a lot of folks that this type of literature is right up their alley.  So in the spirit of open mindedness I am sharing a link to Jeanne’s blog and a chat she had with the author.

Jeanne’s Chat with Ken Lee

To access Ken’s book on Amazon.com  here is the link: Voices from the Bible: An Anthology of Single-Character Plays

Keep well.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #9,929

yeah I know you did not ask!

The Señora and I were “discussing” the setting on the thermostat.  I was cold and she was hot.

She said to me, “Put on a sweater!”

I said to her, “Take off the 3 sweaters you have on!!!”

That is when she  diagnosed me as suffering from hyperobnoxicity as if that was the debate clincher.

Is there a cure for hyperobnoxicity, or is it for a lifetime like herpes?

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From NYT: It’s the Fauci Awards!

Back in the 80s I worked a dual function position in a rural county in Arkansas.  On one side I was Administrator of the Local County Health Department.  A function that was more or less office manager for the Health Unit and I interfaced with public officials in and outside the county.  When I put on my other hat I was the County Sanitarian.  As a Registered Sanitarian I had a wide range of duties Continue reading “From NYT: It’s the Fauci Awards!”

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Something, something, something…

I met Robin’s father, Theodore – Ted, but I did not know him.  When I started dating Robin in 2008 he had already been in a nursing home for many years due to Alzheimer’s.  It had been years since he had recognized anyone, even his wife.  I am not sure how long we had been dating before Robin took me by to visit her father, but a while.  Robin did not visit her father, Ted, much in this period as her mother was still alive and primary caregiver.   As alluded to elsewhere Robin’s relationship with her mother was “complicated”, and this put visiting her father in the same realm.

Ted’s grandfather had been the village blacksmith back in Mother Russia.  Continue reading “Something, something, something…”