Author: Rev. Joe Dirt

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No Driver Left Behind

I spend way too much time commuting which allows me time to observe the idiocy of the motoring public. And yes I know from time to time while driving I fall under the rubric of idiot. My primary rule when I amindex driving is to consider everyone on the road an idiot except myself, and do not be too sure about myself.

I was thinking driving home today with all the push for testing and evaluating for competence in schools perhaps we should do the same for drivers. Some method could be devised to evaluate overall driving skills. This would then be tied into everyone’s driving records. If you fell in the bottom 20% you would have to have a red flashing light on your car. If you fell into the next quintile an orange light, then yellow and so forth. That way you quickly recognize the total idiots and give them a wider berth. Of course, you would have to retest annually as skills change. And I can see some folks sandbagging to get the red light so folks would stay away, but if you tied it to their insurance rates…

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Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne

around_the_world_vers3This book was published in 1872. Transpacific and transatlantic steamships had come into to being, but many still used paddle wheels and supplemented steam power with wind power. The Transcontinental Railroad, a 6 year project, had just been completed in the United States in 1869. What had been a many months journey from coast to coast of the United States had been transformed into a journey of a week. The concept of being able to go around the world quickly was just being realized. Verne took this new excitement and created the novel we know as Around the World in 80 Days.

Like many of Verne’s novels the bench of characters is not deep. Nor is there a great deal of character development. They remain throughout the book relatively unchanged.

The protagonist, if you will, of this book is Phileas Fogg, a wealthy man whose wealth was acquired by means unknown. To call this man regular of habit and punctual is to call the sky blue. Continue reading “Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne”

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Invasion of the Dust Bunnies

2384439522_4773639359_zI won’t say I was totally terrified, but I had started to become more than a little concerned. There were so many dust bunnies under the bed that I was afraid they were going to coalesce into a giant, fuzzy blob. The idea of waking up in the middle of the night clawing at this nebulous mass of detritus was giving me the heebie-jeebies. I did the only thing humanly possible. I broke out the vacuum cleaner. 

As I took the machine from the hall closet I heard Robin say, “Do you know how to operate that?”

I replied, “Leave me alone I am on a critical mission. Our combined safety is at stake. I will figure this contraption out.”

I am proud to say I have met the dust bunnies, and they are conquered.

Semper fi.

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Overheard at a party

Overheard at a party.

First young man says, “I am friends with Joe So-and-so.”

Second young man asks, “Real friends or Facebook friends?”

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20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne

20000_Leagues_Under_Seas_1110This book was not quite what I expected. What little I knew about this story was from seeing bits and pieces of the various movies based on this book. The movies emphasize the adventure aspect of book. Perhaps the best way to describe the book would a travelogue for 20,000 leagues most of which was under the sea.

Towards the end of the book Professor Aronnax is reviewing his time aboard the Nautilus. He does so in a short paragraph:

“My nerves were somewhat calmer, but in my excited brain I saw over again all my existence on board the Nautilus; every incident, either happy or unfortunate, which had happened since my disappearance from the Abraham Lincoln—the submarine hunt, the Torres Straits, the savages of Papua, the running ashore, the coral cemetery, the passage of Suez, the Island of Santorin, the Cretan diver, Vigo Bay, Atlantis, the iceberg, the South Pole, the imprisonment in the ice, the fight among the poulps, the storm in the Gulf Stream, the Avenger, and the horrible scene of the vessel sunk with all her crew. All these events passed before my eyes like scenes in a drama.

It is these events that Hollywood has sucked out of the book to make movies. Continue reading “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne”

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An Antarctic Mystery, or The Sphinx of the Ice Fields by Jules Verne

an_antarctic_mystery_coverI supposed there are a few ways to look at this novel. Perhaps Jules Verne was riffing on Edgar Allan Poe. Perhaps, given Poe’s sense of the macabre, Verne was collaborating with a departed Poe. Or perhaps, like me, Verne found the ending of Poe’s book was less than satisfying, and he decided to do something about it. The book I am referring to is Edgar Allan Poe’s The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket

In Poe’s book, after a series of adventures two of the main characters are adrift in the Antarctic Ocean in a small boat. Poe envisioned an Antarctic that was warmer than the reality we know to be true. This Antarctic may have been heated by thermal action. The novel ends with the two of them in a mist or fog when suddenly a huge human like figure appears as the boat rushes towards some rapids. The explanation given by the author Continue reading “An Antarctic Mystery, or The Sphinx of the Ice Fields by Jules Verne”

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The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Hunchback_of_Notre_Dame_1004This is a book that I believe most folks are aware of and probably have some inkling of the story. I would also hazard a guess it is a book that most folks have not read and the story is not really what they think.

I was interested in movies that may have been made based on The Hunchback of Notre Dame. There are several. The list is not complete.

  1. From 1923 starring Lon Chaney, Patsy Ruth Miller, Norman Kerry, Nigel de Brulier, Brandon Hurst and others
  2. From 1939 starring Charles Laughton, Maureen O’Hara, Cedric Hardwicke, Thomas Mitchell, Edmond O’Brien and others
  3. From 1956 starring Gina Lollobrigida, Anthony Quinn, Jean Danet, Alain Cuny, Robert Hirsch and others
  4. From 1976 made for TV movie starring Kenneth Haigh, Michelle Newell, Warren Clarke and others
  5. An animated Walt Disney version from 1996
  6. From 1997 made for TV version that can be found on YouTube starring Mandy Patinkin, Richard Harris, Salma Hayek and others

The one that surprises me the most is the Disney film. I have not seen it, but I cannot imagine Continue reading “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”