Author: Rev. Joe Dirt

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Exhibit A

For about as long as I have know Señora she has been telling me her sh** does not stink.  My response has always been, “Really!?!”

Now there are just 3 souls in the house and one of those is The Wee Dog, the others are myself and Señora.  I walked into the downstairs bathroom the other day to do what one normally does in such places.  I discovered what I am calling Exhibit A.

Exhibit A

I was certain 110% that I had not done this, and that The Wee Dog could not get this high or aim that well, so by deduction, that left the culprit as Señora.  I can only conclude that her sh** really does not stink!

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One More Time, Again

The operation into the jungle against the enemy stronghold had been a cluster from the git-go.  We were pinned down, no way to retreat. The flanking units were in the same situation or worse. We had repulsed two frontal attacks, taking heavy causalities.  It was doubtful we would survive a third. The Lieutenant belatedly called for air support. After what seemed like a gut wrenching eternity, we heard the screaming of approaching jets, and then the whistling of the bombs and explosions, explosions much too close, one after another. I heard a particularly loud whistling, and just before the blast wave hit me, I remember thinking, “Someone really f*** up the coordinates.”

When I became aware again I found myself prone on bare, pebbly ground, naked and cold. Continue reading “One More Time, Again”

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Relativity

“When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.”

There is a current meme floating around with this Einstein quote. Investigating the veracity of the meme quote, one site concluded it was from a busy Einstein through his secretary to a bothersome reporter needing a quote.

What started my thinking of relativity Continue reading “Relativity”

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Word of the Day – Bougie

  • Adjective: Bougie

    1. informal + usually disparaging : marked by a concern for wealth, possessions, and respectability
    2. “Aspiring to be a higher class than one is. Derived from bourgeois – meaning middle/upper class, traditionally despised by communists.” So in modern-day English, someone who is bougie is creating an air of wealth or upper class status — whether it’s true or not.
  • Synonyms:
    1.  bourgeois
    2. pretender
    3. wanna-be
  • Usage:
    1. “Jesús and Marcella are so bougie they would drown if it rained.”
  • Encountered:
    1. Another student of my iTalki teacher in Guatemala had used this word with him. He asked if I knew what it meant.  Truth is I had never heard it before.  So I am learning English from my Spanish teacher.

To see more Words of the Day, visit this link: Words of the Day

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Amazing St. Louis by Charlie Brennan

This book is subtitled, 250 Years of Great Tales and Curiosities, which sums up this book perfectly.  If you live in St. Louis, have lived in St. Louis, know people in St. Louis or just have a general interest in St. Louis, you will find this book enjoyable.

Because it is a series of very short articles, it makes the perfect night stand book or a book for the bath room. I read the whole book over a period of time while visiting the throne room.

    • Did you know – that halitosis became a thing thanks to a St. Louis company
    • Did you know – that using flake to refer to a person started in St. Louis, thanks to Cardinal baseball player
    • Did you know – that Reddi-wip was invented by a businessman from St. Louis
    • Did you know – that if Colorado Springs had not gotten the Air Force Academy the next choice was Alton, IL, a town just up the river from St. Louis
    • Did you know – that a St. Louis doctor was  suspected of being Jack the Ripper
    • Did you know – that a St. Louisian, William Sherman, forever changed the face of warfare
    • Did you know – two brothers, both World Heavy Weight Champions, are from St. Louis
    • Did you know – Darth Vader got his start in St. Louis
    • Did you know – that there is a good argument for the first skyscraper being built in St. Louis
    • Did you know – that the movie Animal House was co-written by a graduate of Washington University in St. Louis, and may have been, in part, based on a fraternity there

Available from Amazon–  Amazing St. Louis

Also available as a used book from Abebooks – used copy Amazing St. Louis

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2 One sentence short stories

These would also work as the opening lines of much longer stories.  Selected Shorts, a NPR program, occasionally has a writing contest for stories of less than 300 words or so, anyway very short. These might be too short.

The Ceiling: A short story in one sentence

Wishing his nights were not inhabited by the demons of past missteps, the ghosts of lovers gone, and the general detritus of everyday living, he lay awake wondering how to get to the dawn.

Paris Dream: A short story in one sentence

She had dreamed of living in Paris her whole life, completing college successfully she moved there, only to encounter her first uncircumcised penis, immediately deciding that Schenectady was not so bad after all.

The first story obviously came Continue reading “2 One sentence short stories”

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Telepathy?

Living intimately long-term with someone can be a wonderful experience, and at times it can be a bit strange.

Señora and I were stripping the sheets from the bed in preparation of laundering them. We had completed the task of removing the bed sheets, and I was standing next to the bed momentarily still.  The mental gears were actually churning, and I was forming a question in my mind, “When was the last time we washed the mattress pad?” Before I could utter the inquiry she said to me, “Do you think we need to wash the mattress pad?”

Now, Señora is very intuitive when it comes to people. The mattress pad was not particularly dirty; it had just been a while.  Perhaps I was staring a bit at the pad, and she picked up on that.  At the time it very much felt like she had read my mind.

This is not an uncommon occurrence for us, but it does seem that most of the time it is her picking up on what I was about to say or do.

Whatever it was and is, it is still spooky!

John Carter had the capability of preventing the Martians from reading his mind.  Perhaps I should have a conversation with him about his method.

And so it goes.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #5,123

yeah I know you did not ask!

Flipping through Twitter I came across yet another selfie from a self-described “patriot”. This gentleman was overweight, shirtless but wearing a military style flak vest, and thrusting his assault rifle to the forefront of the picture so it would look bigger. The coup de gras for me was his tattoo.  From all appearances, a homemade job from a very drunk comrade displaying “Liberty” above an indecipherable line drawing  with “Or Death” underneath that. I’ve seen prison tattoos more artfully executed.

I am convinced that some organization or government is slipping a substance into the national beer supply. It is giving these “patriots” a deluded vision of manhood as a result of pernicious impotence. Given the imbibing propensities of Americans, spiking only 2 or 3 national brands – usually light – would do the trick.

Another good reason to drink imported beer.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #563

yeah I know you did not ask!

The other day I was at home, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt.  Needing to go to the store, I tucked in my shirt as it was cold enough to need a light jacket.  While I do it a times, I think it looks a bit sloppy to have your shirt tail hanging out beneath your jacket.

Upon seeing me with my shirt tucked in, admittedly rare for me, Señora said, “My, my, how fancifed you are. Where are you going?” Well not her exact words, but the sentiment is the same.

I’m thinking this retirement gig has lowered our standards a bit.

 

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La Fiesta de San Juan

One thing I really love about studying español is my conversations with people in other countries. Via Skype, I can practice and sharpen my burgeoning skills (do I dare insert LOL here) with the language.  I love it because I get to learn about other countries and other cultures.  When they asked me questions about my country and culture, I sometimes see our practices, our attitudes, our beliefs in a new light, perhaps I am even forced to re-exam some of my own long held tenets. Occasionally, I am at a lost for an answer. Try explaining our gun laws to a foreigner, it somewhere between very embarrassing and impossible. As a whole, I have learned how similar we human beings can be, while appearing very different.

Via Skype, I was visiting with a young accounting student, Konrad, who lives Continue reading “La Fiesta de San Juan”