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“Who’s on First?” was perhaps the most famous sketch of Abbott & Costello. It is essentially seven or eight minutes of word play that cracks me up every time I come across it on da’ net. It is the continuation of themes common in the Burlesque era of entertainment, which is where the act of Abbott & Costello got its start.
Mark Twain rose to fame with stories such as The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County which was required reading when I was in school during the Paleolithic period. The gist of the story is that a man feeds buckshot to a frog in order to win a bar bet. Want to know more? Read the story.
I saw myself following Continue reading “Worst Opening Sentence – 2022”
Step 1: Recruit a curvaceous Sweet Young Thing, henceforth known as curvaceous SYT.
Step 2: Dress up my newly recruited curvaceous SYT in a sexy, see-through, next-to-nothing nightgown that does nothing but accentuate her God given charms.
Step 3: Hide her behind the Christmas tree.
Step 4: When Santa comes down the chimney she will step from behind the Christmas tree giving Santa her best come hither smile, all the while shaking her money makers. This causes all the blood in Santa’s head to rush precipitously to his candy cane…stripped or otherwise. Santa faints from lack of oxygen in his brain.
Step 5: While the curvaceous SYT is ascertaining whether Santa needs CPR… or other services, I rapidly scale a previously situated ladder. Jumping in the sled, grabbing the reins, I pilot Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dunder, Blixem and Rudolph to a secret location strong enough to retain nine angry reindeer. I hear Rudolph has such a mouth…
Step 6: Fence the nine reindeer. I can only imagine what a team of freaking, flying reindeer that can fly around the world in one night must be worth. I am sure Rudolph with that nose so bright will bring twice what the others fetch. And that endless bag of toys, there is no putting a price on such a thing.
Step 7: Hire Elon Musk to clean my 42 bathrooms.
And so it ho, ho, ho goes.
Occasionally Señora and I will find ourselves alone, walking Princess Lily, riding in the car together, sitting around the firepit savoring a fine bottle of 2020 Chambourcin from Stricker Weinkellers, obviously a wonderful time to have a deep, intimate or intellectual conversation about any number of topics. Señora has a propensity to start off these opportunities for erudite palaver with the phrase, “You know what…”.
Last time this happened I replied, “Which one, I know both the Watt boys. I went to school with both of them.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I went to school with both the Watt boys, James and William. Well William they generally call Bubba, but Continue reading “Do you know what…”
My troubles are many, they’re as deep as a well
I can swear there ain’t no heaven but I pray there ain’t no hell
Swear there ain’t no heaven and pray there ain’t no hell,
But I’ll never know by living, only my dying will tell,
Only my dying will tell, yeah, only my dying will tell
And when I die and when I’m gone,
There’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on
The above snippet of lyrics is from the Blood, Sweat & Tears song, And When I Die, a song that reached number 2 on the charts in 1968.
For many reasons the line, “I can swear there ain’t no heaven but I pray there ain’t no hell” has stuck Continue reading “Purgatory?”
“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”
Although my overflowing fountain of creativity – that’s a yoke, son – at times has me wanting to send out a bus load of blog postings on some days, I generally try to keep it to one a day or less. No need to overwhelm my extensive readership with the mundane grumblings of a run-of-the-mill curmudgeon.
However… today I could not resist. I am not feeling well and have spent most of the day in bed. I have a memory of Señora at my bedside telling me she was going to the Valley (local area full of strip malls). An hour or so later I needed a beverage and went down to the kitchen to find this dire warning on the kitchen counter from my loving spouse:
I Think I Have Been Insulted
And so it goes.
yeah I know you did not ask!
Anyone who has ever lived with a dog for any period of time will come to know that they are creatures of habit, creatures of routine. Señora feeds Princess Lily in the morning, time dependent on when Señora makes the commitment that this really is a new day and rolls out of the warm, embracing bed. But as soon as she does, The Wee Dog is following her around. Señora is very regular on the next feeding of our proxy child at 1700 hours.
Somehow this punctual pooch protegee knows the time, and about five or so minutes before the appointed hour her hirsute self is parked by her food bowl, her eyes tracking Señora.
I am going to find the miniature Rolex watch that must be buried under the fur on her little doggie wrist, and sell it. Maybe then I can recuperate, in part, all the money spent on food, all the money spent on treats, all money spent on toys, all the money spent on vet bills, that Señora has lavished upon our copacetic canine companion… or not.
And so it goes in our little ménage à chienne.
“One of history’s few iron laws is that luxuries tend to become necessities and to spawn new obligations.” ~~ In the book Sapiens – A Brief History of Mankind by Yuval Noah Harai.
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“In fact, even today coins and banknotes are a rare form of money. The sum total of money in the world is about $60 trillion, yet the sum total of coins and banknotes is less than $6 trillion. More than 90 per cent of all money – more than $50 trillion appearing in our accounts – exists only on computer servers. Accordingly, most business transactions are executed by moving electronic data from one computer file to another, without any exchange of physical cash.”
The above quote is from the book Sapiens – A Brief History of Mankind by Yuval Noah Harai.
I started wondering if for some reason electricity generation became an issue then all those 1s and 0s, those bits and bytes in a myriad of computers around the globe would be naught. There goes 35 or 40 years of hard work, saving , investing and retirement dreams. Of course if electric generation went away there would be logarithmically worse problems on the third rock from the sun.
60 trillion dollars worth of money in the world and 50 trillion of that is in digital form… talk about your cyrpto-currency. Have you ever noticed the first 3 letters of this new fad in “money” is C-R-Y said the Curmudgeon channeling his inner Seinfeld.
And so it does not go… I hope.
And here is a country worried about electricity: Winter is coming: The ‘best country in the world’ is planning to ban electric cars amid the energy crisis. Is it time to revisit oil stocks? Here are 3 big plays
What triggered this post was an article about a TikTok video posted by a health inspector… somewhere too far north. I read the article, but I passed on the video. However, the link to both is at the bottom of this post. Enjoy.
In 1983 my ex-spouse had found a job in Arkansas and I was living in Tulsa, by gawd, Oklahoma. Deciding I needed to be in Arkansas also meant I needed a job. A position as a County Sanitarian (Health Inspector) Continue reading “Restaurant Red Flags”