Author: Rev. Joe Dirt

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Ann Wagner, Always Disappointing

FYI:  I live in the 2nd Congressional District of Missouri, a very conservative district that gave us such luminaries as former Representative Todd “Legitimate Rape” Atkins. Ann Wagner is of the same ilk.

I am not quite sure how my phone number ended up in Rep. Ann Wagner’s texting file, but it did.  A text from Wagner popped up the other day, and when I saw who it was my feeling was very similar to one I had when a gal I dated one time would not stop calling me and texting me.  Obviously, I can block their number, see if their “STOP” option really works, just automatically delete them, but I would rather get a restraining order. I am doing pretty good though, generally when I see Ann Wagner’s name I go on an obscenity filled rant that has folks running for the hills.  So far I have refrained.

Wagner’s text had a link to a survey requesting constituents’ opinions. “Well,” I thought, “she wants my opinion,  I’ll  be glad to give her a piece of my mind!”  I opened the link, and by the fourth question I was ready to throw my phone against the first hard object I encountered, not counting my head.

I truly found her survey offensive. The first few questions were waving red Continue reading “Ann Wagner, Always Disappointing”

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Yiddish for a Good Marriage

Senora when she gets upset or annoyed with me – yes, I know, hard to imagine – has a tendency to call me something in Yiddish.  Not knowing exactly what she is saying, although I am picking up on her tone of voice and expression, I just smile at her.

All o f which started me hypothesizing  that perhaps the secret to a good marriage is not understanding what your partner is saying… at least at times.  So far I have resisted the urge to test my hypotheses by going tit for tat with her using my Spanish against her Yiddish.

But I am wondering how you  do say, “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words never will” in Yiddish.

And so it goes.

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Word of the Day – Ammosexual

  • Noun: Ammosexual
    1. (slang, derogatory) A person obsessed with owning guns; a zealous supporter of the right to bear arms
    2. A person who exhibits an extreme love of firearms, possibly to the point of fetishization. Coined from ammunition and sexual, with sonic overtones of homosexual.
  • Synonyms:
    1. gunloon
    2. gun nut
    3. bellicist
  • Usage:
    1. “Guns aren’t just a tool of last resort. They’re awesome. That’s why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with them. You guys aren’t just firearm enthusiasts — you’re ammosexuals. (audience laughter and applause)

      And before you try and deny you have some sort of unnatural romantic relationship with your gun, consider this. You’re taking it out to dinner! (hysterical audience laughter) Because it completes you. Get a room.” ~~ From a Bill Maher skit

  • Encountered:
    1. Email from a friend stating that he encountered  a new word when “…reading an article about the fragile congresscritters that are sending out X-mas cards of them and their families posing with guns. It’s an appropriate word to describe their seriously unbalanced states of mind. If there is a god, I hope she decides to help us, soon.”

To see more Words of the Day, visit this link: Words of the Day

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So When May I?

I just finished watching a documentary, Bill Cunningham: New York. Bill was a fashion photographer for the New York Times. While he shot photos at runways in New York and Paris, he was most famous for his street photos of fashion on the New York streets, especially around Manhattan.  He did this for decades and was a fixture in the New York fashion industry and at the New York Times.

His photography was of some interest to me, but what engaged me most in this short film was the photographer and his exceedingly quirky personality.  He had one function in life, Continue reading “So When May I?”

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #2,729

yeah I know you did not ask!

Anyone who vaguely knows me, knows I like to play with words, the sounds of words and even the meanings of words.  I truly have never met a pun I was not enchanted with, even if I did groan upon hearing it.

The Spanish word for radish is rábano. The Spanish word for rabbi is rabino.  Fairly close in sound if not meaning.

All which got me to wondering would Rabino Rábano be one spicy rabbi, or one pious radish?  Asking for a friend…again.

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Salvadorian Home Remedy

This morning I was practicing español via Skype with one of my tutors who lives in El Salvador.  I’m in my 3rd week with a  cough and sore throat.  Because I was coughing a bit during the lesson we began to talk about home remedies for coughs.

I told him about one from my childhood that involves honey, lemon juice, whiskey and hot water.  He related how they had a similar one there that involved honey, lemon juice and RADISHES.

The radish part surprised me.  He theorized that honey was used for its anti-bacterial properties and radishes because it contained iodine which is a good anti-bacterial also.  It is, but I am not sure it functions as such at the levels in his concoction.

I began to wonder about iodine in radishes and found the following information. Radishes actually contain goitrogens which interfere with the uptake of iodine and thus could be harmful to thyroidal health. Here is a link to an interesting article on the subject: One Major Side Effect of Eating Radishes, Says Science

Another Salvadorian  home remedy for coughs involves the liquid from the aloe vera plant extracted via a blender.

We ended by my saying that I preferred my home remedy because after 2 or 3 doses you did not care if you had a cough or not.

And so it goes.

 

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It is a wonder…

It is a wonder that I have kept any job.

In 2001 I took a programming job with Saks at their Information Technology center in Jackson, Mississippi.  It is a long story how it came to be there, I will not bore you. At that time Saks was the parent company of Saks Fifth Avenue, and three other department store chains.

The week I started the departmental secretary sent me an email requesting that I write a short blurb about myself.  She was going to put my “bio” and the photograph from my ID badge on the departmental bulletin board to introduce me to everyone.  I did so, she did so, but she failed to read  my expository remarks, simply cutting and pasting my profundities into her document.

Click to see bigger

A few days later she came to me all excited asking about what I had written, insistent that I “correct” it.  Unfortunately not every one gets my sublime sense of humor.  It might also be the reason that a year or so later when I asked her out, she was very adamant about having to wash her hair seven nights a week.

Just in case you cannot read the verbiage in the image here is what I wrote:

“David joined SAKS in February of this year. He came from American Electric Power in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is working as a Senior Programmer with Greg Kinsley’s IT Logistics Team. David has two kids and a granddaughter. They reside just outside Ft. Smith, AR. David resides in the Reservoir area.  His interests include golf, photography, fishing and backpacking. He volunteers part-time with the Frankenstein Laboratory of Experimental Humanity.”

And so it goes.

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Quote of the Day – Émile Zola

“It is a crime to exploit patriotism in the service of hatred, and it is, finally, a crime to ensconce the sword as the modern god, whereas all science is toiling to achieve the coming era of truth and justice. Truth and justice, so ardently longed for! How terrible it is to see them trampled, unrecognized and ignored!”  ~~ J’Accuse by Émile Zola

To see more Quotes for Day, visit this link: Quotes for the Day

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought #3,187

yeah I know you did not ask!

Asking for a friend… logicians check your slide rulers at the door.

Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

Now if God created man in his own image, and humans sneeze, one can assume God sneezes.  When he does so do you say, God bless you, God? I suppose it would be a form of self-love, part of any healthy personality when not done to excess.

I’ll let my friend know your answer.

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I don’t mean to be a Grinch…

A while back I enrolled on an app for neighborhoods, Nextdoor, as I had the need to sell some items.

Left turn Clyde… if you ever have a need to fill up a nut house, just put something vaguely of value on Craigslist for free.  I guarantee that within 24 hours your institution will be overflowing.

Another left turn Clyde… I suppose nut house is not political correct these days, perhaps I should have said, “abode for the sanity challenged.” Oops, cannot use that name, Congress has already taken full possession of it.

Back to the main road Clyde… I’m not a big fan of Nextdoor.  It seems to be a lot of Millennials and a few Gen Xers whining about nearly anything. We live in a neighborhood with reasonable sized lots, lots of trees and a huge, miles long greenbelt with a small stream running the length of it.  Lots of wildlife to be seen at times, mainly deer, coyotes, raccoons, squirrels, hawks, but no lion, tigers or bears, oh my.  Almost daily someone on Nextdoor is warning about one or the other.  A while back someone was upset because their male neighbor was mowing his lawn with his shirt off.  Complaining of speeders is another recurring theme, even though CPD makes its budget with speed traps on major ingressing streets for this neighborhood.

I have my notices from Nextdoor going to an email address I use for sites I believe will spam me, and I only check it sporadically.  So when I saw this notification of a posting with just the first few words in the email, I thought, “well another Millennial aspiring to be a Curmudgeon!”  Wanting to verify my impression I opened up the posting:

“I don’t mean to be a Grinch however………. to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/ decorations in your yard, would you please avoid anything that has red and blue lights flashing together. Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my margarita out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and all while trying to drive. It’s just too much drama, even for Christmas.”

Cracked me up, and it does capture the spirit of Nextdoor.

And so it goes.