Author: Rev. Joe Dirt

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Es una aventura

What prompted the sharing of this anecdote was an exercise I did with one of my Spanish tutors.  He was using a book of exercises that included an anecdote that about a person going to Paris on vacation, arriving at the airport only to realize they had forgotten their passport, causing them to miss their flight.  Due to the delay the rest of their trip plans fell through too.

The idea being to relate a similar anecdote so I orally told him one about the time we arrived for a domestic flight at STL airport, and Señora had misplaced her driver’s license.  Fortunately, after much ado, they let us on the flight.  We had a friend get Robin’s passport from the house and overnight it to us in New Orleans for the return flight.  C’est la vie..laissez les bon temps roule.

Since he also wanted me to practice my writing he assigned me to write another anecdote for my “homework”.  The Spanish version is at the bottom for a couple of you nerds.  Here is the same story in English, but it is not a translation.

Trip of Adventure

For various reasons that are not important to the arc of this story, my ex’s mother gifted her Continue reading “Es una aventura”

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Matrimonial Log – Star Date 5783.153

“Matrimony… the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Casamiento Segundo, its until-death-do-us-part mission… to explore a strange new relationship… to seek out a new life and new adventures… to boldly go where no sane couple has gone before.”

Señora and I were in Costco.  A gentleman more elderly than us passed us by with much promptitude.

I commented to Señora, “someone needs to call 911.”

When she looked at me queerly, I added, “someone stole his butt.”

The whole time she  was chastising me for my inappropriate, non-woke comment she was doing her damnedest to not burst out laughing.

The reality was that his posterior had fled to such an extent that I wondered how his britches maintained their position upon his waist without the succor of suspenders.

And so it was once upon a time in Costco.

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Maximize Utility…Baby!

I dug this picture out of an old photo album.  Why will be clear in a moment. This particular photograph was taken mid to late 80s. I don’t really remember when, but I look exceedingly young in the picture.  The occasion was my finally surrendering a jogging t-shirt to the trash can goddess.  I only wore this particular garment while jogging, in Arkansas, on country roads.  Admittedly, all the cotton had fled from this polyester-cotton blend, rendering the t-shirt see through, but how good a t-shirt do you need to sweat in?

My ex (and probably the kidrens) “convinced” me that Continue reading “Maximize Utility…Baby!”

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Towel Day – Thursday, May 25th

Okay, okay, okay… I am recycling this article as I am still waiting with my towel for that spaceship to pick me up – otherwise beam me up Scotty, it is too, too weird down here for me as of late.

Even a casual fan of science fiction is well aware of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and its sequels by Douglas Adams. As literature they are no great shake, but as entertainment they work very well.  They have made a movie and tried a TV series.  I generally like the books better than the movie and it holds in this case.

The basic premise is that just before earth is destroyed Continue reading “Towel Day – Thursday, May 25th”

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Señora Robinella

A friend and fellow teacher wrote this about Señora years ago.  When she rediscovered the document Señora talked about what a good friend she had been. However, due to her marriage and then her moving away Señora lost touch with her… something very rare indeed for Señora.

Click to see bigger

And so it was…

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Cheaper than Zoloft

One of our mishpocha sent me the following article: Why birds and their songs are good for our mental health

Señora and I have a large bird feeder with 4 stations.  We also keep a humming bird feeder out during their season.   I need to to count, but we have between 10 and 15 bird houses around the yard, most of them occupied.  Oh yes, and there is a bird bath, which reminds me I need to relocate it. The number of hours of joy we have gotten from these and their tenants over the years is incalculable.

I am hear to testify… can I get an hallelujah… that when the weather is nice and we have the AC/heat unit off, the windows open, there is nothing so peaceful as waking up at dawn with the birds singing in a wonderful chorus of different songs that seem to weave together into a symphony declaring what a wonderful day is in the offing.  Get up you old sleepy head.

Why would you need Zoloft or Jim Beam or Maui Waui when you have Mother Nature stroking your forehead via your auricular pathways?

And so it goes

 

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Señora – Breakfast in Bed

Señora and I were driving back from Chicago.  We were doing something we do not normally do.  We were listening to a rock station with a couple DJs who were under the overwhelming delusion that they were funny.

I do not remember what the exact context was, but they were talking about Mother’s Day, which is tomorrow – don’t you forget your mama y’all.  They were going on with something about breakfast in bed for the family matriarch.

Señora remarked, “I don’t know about breakfast in bed, but I would take lunch in bed!”

Reckon I have my Sunday lined out for me.

And so it goes.