Author: Rev. Joe Dirt

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One kickass weekend

Occasionally we have those days that are so exceedingly memorable that they become milestones or at least touchstones in our lives.

I had one such day in November of 2000. I was at Oklahoma Memorial Stadium to watch OU defeat their hated rival Nebraska. They went on to win the National Championship that year. Immediately after that game I jumped in my vehicle and high-tailed it to Dallas to see Tina Turner and Joe Cocker in concert. It was Tina’s farewell concert tour and the lady still absolutely killed them.

I introduced my girlfriend to one of my all time favorite artists,  Jimmy LaFave, Continue reading “One kickass weekend”

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You don’t still use a screen saver, do you?

By Don Willmott , Forecast Earth Correspondent

I’m happy that at this stage in my career I often find myself writing articles about energy-efficient ways to use computers, peripherals, gadgets, and consumer electronics. It makes me feel so, you know, virtuous.

Whenever I crank out a list of helpful hints, one of the first items I include is this obvious but often overlooked gem of advice: Kill your stupid screen saver. In the good old days of tube monitors, screen savers such as those unforgettable flying toasters were invented to prevent burn-in, a permanent shadow branded into the phosphors of your monitor by a static image of, say, a spreadsheet that you left on your screen all weekend. Continue reading “You don’t still use a screen saver, do you?”

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Reverend Joe wipes out a waiter

Recently I was in Orange Beach, by gawd, Alabama on a fishing trip.  After a nice and productive day of offshore fishing we decided to go to a nice restaurant for dinner, seafood of course.  It was a fancy place complete with table clothes and starched napkins.  Over to right of us were several tables pushed to together for what looked like a bachelorette party.  There were about 30 or so pretty women in their early twenties sitting at the tables.

Before the food arrived I needed to go to the bathroom.  As I was walking back I realized one of my table mates was behind me.  The shortest route from the facilities to our table was by this bevy of beautiful southern belles. Continue reading “Reverend Joe wipes out a waiter”

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Obama, The Messiah, I don’t think so

I’ve never voted for a Republican, and I am having a hard time getting excited about Obama.  The media is fueling some of that lack of excitement.  They love to show Obama with some sort of halo around his head.  I do not believe him to be the Messiah or a saint.

I also got so tired of the depiction of Hillary as a bumpkin from Arkansas.  She is not a bumpkin nor is she from Arkansas.  If they were not doing that, they were painting her as a shrewish old woman.

Obviously, he has managed to woo the media and Clinton has managed to alienate them.  Or maybe it is as Paul Krugman suggests, racism is declining, but not misogyny.

I really wonder if having news 24×7 on multiple medias is really doing us a service.   Especially when they use such broad strokes.

Number 5 has been used in a multitude of news stories.

And now Michelle…

 

And the broad strokes to paint the Clintons as hillbillies. Well I know hillbillies and they are not hillbillies…to paraphrase someone.

Click on cartoon to see larger image 

Credit: Pat Oliphant

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Are you really going to walk all 18 holes, mister?

A regular golf course is generally 6000 to 6500 yards long.  That is 3.4 to 3.7 miles.  If you are like me when you play golf, it is never a straight line.  I am guessing that in a round of golf I probably walk 4 to 4 ½ miles.  A reasonably healthy individual should be able to do that in an hour of brisk walking.

A round of golf usually takes approximately 4 hours.  Theoretically you are walking at the blistering pace of 1 mile per hour.  In reality there is a fair amount of standing around, and then brisk walking to your ball.  I carry my bag, throw in some elevation changes, and you have a reasonable amount of exercise.  The figures I have seen say about 7 calories per minute playing golf if you are walking and carrying your bag.  That means you are burning up around 1700 calories as long as you stay away from the beer concession.

This is not the first time I’ve been asked, “Are you really going to walk all 18 holes?”  This time it was by 4 young men in their late teens or very early 20s.  These young men all looked in good health, and were not carrying the excess weight of many of their peers.  We conversed a little, and they just could not imagine walking the course.

I walk because a) I enjoy the game more when I am walking.  Buzzing around in a cart brings in a rushed dimension to the game I do not like.  b) I love the exercise.  I am in reasonable shape compared to many of my peers.  Walking the golf course is one the things that helps maintain my fitness.  c)  I’m cheap and I like to play a lot of golf.  Paying for a cart adds $10 to $15 to the price of a round of golf.

I knew one young man whose reason for not walking was he did not want anyone to think he could not afford a cart!!!  What a load of baloney.

Some golf courses will not let you play during certain hours unless you rent a cart.  I do know some walkers slow things down a little.  I’m not so sure that is a bad thing.  I’ve golfed with far too many folks early in day that acted like playing 18 holes was just another chore to finish.  That strikes me a missing one of the key joys of golf.

I have frequently played with folks in carts while I walked.  Unless they are extremely good golfers with the ball in the fairway all the time I keep up with them.  Frequently I am waiting on them.

I will acknowledge that for many folks if they did not have a cart there would be no place to carry the cooler of beer.  Golf in this case just becomes an activity to do while drinking.  Oh well.

I just see so many folks that would benefit from the mild exercise golfing provides, yet they feel they must ride or they cannot play.  Given the current obesity epidemic how wonderful it would be if a few of these folks jumped off their carts and walked.

Or at least they could at least quit acting like I was nuts for doing so.

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The 10 Commandments

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:

You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’  ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’  and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians… It creates a hostile work environment.

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Instructions for Life – The Dali Lama

A good friend passed these on to me… Thanks Robin

  1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  3. Follow the three R’s:
    • Respect for self
    • Respect for others and
    • Responsibility for all your actions.
  4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
  5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
  6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  8. Spend some time alone every day.
  9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
  10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
  12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
  13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
  15. Be gentle with the earth.
  16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
  17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
  18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
  19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.