Author: Rev. Joe Dirt

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Bon Temps Roulez

We just got back from a week on the beach in sunny, warm, friendly Mexico.  I mention this because it is snowing and 16 degrees outside.  About nine or ten days before we left I noticed that my wife (aka Robin the Beautiful) was sleeping restlessly.  She was also mumbling during these restless periods.  I could not really make out single words, let alone a coherent sentence.   Sometimes I could pick out something that sounded like Getty, get or possibly Gertrude!  And sometime there was a word that sounded like back.  I thought maybe she was singing the Beatles’ song Get Back. I thought that a little strange as I have not known it to be one in her repertoire, but dreams are indeed strange things.  She must have really liked the song because one mumbled bit sounded a lot like groovy.

We get to the resort in Akumal and the beach is beautiful and the staff very attentive.  We spent the better part of every day from about 11 a.m. until 4 or so laying in cabana Continue reading “Bon Temps Roulez”

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Effingham Trump

A few years ago Robin and I were on a road trip.  We passed through Effingham, Illinois.  Robin , who is apparently an escapee from an Improv troupe, fell head over heels in love with the word Effingham.  Suddenly everything was Effingham.  “What  do you  Effingham think you are doing?”  “That is no Effingham way to act.”  “I am Effingham exhausted!”  You get the Effingham picture.

Recently we have started a new improv act, The Trump substitution game.  Anywhere you would use an expletive deleted, we are using Trump.  “You piece of Trump.”  What the Trump do you think you are doing.”  “You Trumping bastard.”  (You Trumping Trump??)   You get the Trumping picture.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 5,377

yeah I know you did not ask!

Yukky Gross… that moment you realize your finger has broken through the toilet paper!  Which is pretty much what has happened with this last election.  Only I do not see any soap and water anywhere near at hand to wash the Trump off my finger.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 2,268

yeah I know you did not ask!

With the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States, in retrospect the movie Idiocracy looks prophetic.  Only this time there will be no Private Joe Bauers from 5 centuries in our past to come to our rescue.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 6,499

yeah I know you did not ask!

My Jewish wife made a comment that had me trying to explain to her the concept of heaven as is preached in some fundamentalist Christian churches.  Heaven is this wonderful place where the streets are paved in gold, where everyone lives in mansions, where the lame walk, the deaf hear…  Where everyone is wonderfully happy and healthy.

This got me to wondering, if you had erectile dysfunction in life, is your organ now a rock hard ram of steel in this version of heaven? Asking for a friend.

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Rev. Joe’s Random Thought # 341

yeah I know you did not ask!

So I am walking out my building after a long, exhausting day of twiddling bits and bytes.  There is a young lady from another office walking out in front of me.  I say to myself, “There is something odd about that young woman?”  Then it dawned on me what it was.  She had a waist, a very petite waist.  Definitely not something you see too much of these days.

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I’ve finally crossed the divide

We’re in historic St. Charles, MO.  It is Christmas time and I am with a group that is caroling through the business district of this landmark town of Lewis and Clark fame.  I’m doing everyone a favor by not singing, but I am taking pictures.   There are many individuals dressed as various characters.  There is a frontiersman, there is the town crier, there is a Santa Claus whose North Pole outfit is based on the American flag, and many more.

We encounter the most adorable young lady dressed as the Sugar Plum Fairy.  She was so full of energy and quips that it was amazing.  She saw me taking her picture, rotated 180 degrees and commanded me to take a picture of her other good side!  So I did.  She looked at me and remarked, “I really like your milk mustache, of course it is a chocolate milk mustache…”  Well it is not totally white yet, but I am working on it.

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WTF – Trump – May God have mercy on our souls

“A man can smile and smile and be a villain. Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain.” ~~ from Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”  ~~ Albert Einstein

I was a military brat, and I was raised Southern Baptist.  As such, to a small extent, my foundation was God and Country.  Having always been around military bases growing up and seen more than a few military ceremonies of one ilk or another, it was not uncommon for me to get goose bumps when I heard The Star Spangled Banner or God Bless America.

Twenty five years or so ago I made the “mistake” of rereading the whole Bible.  When, as an adult, you read the Bible closely it does not stand up.  So I started studying other religions which caused me to look at my own religion with the same critical eye.  I detailed this in a previous blog article, Rev. Joe Stumbles.  The long and the short of it, I lost one of my weak pillars, that of God.  My religious faith evaporated.  I became a born-again agnostic.

That still left a faith in Country.  This had become weakened over Continue reading “WTF – Trump – May God have mercy on our souls”